To ask someone to sit at a table while I'm in a queue?

[DedicationToSparkleMotion]

I had no idea this is apparently rude?

Today while in a cafe queue I said to DH "go and get a seat while I pay". He looked horrified said I was effectively "pushing in front" of those queueing in front of us and we shouldn't sit until we had ordered and paid.

I don't really agree and think everyone does this if they are in a group (after all if a family of five go in are they all going to stand in a queue together? What if everyone did this, the queue area would be overrun?!) and it's neither polite nor impolite, but he was insistent.

Who was BU?

respondents, not respondants* oops again

I'm sure anthropologists have studied this.

It's all about how evolved we are as a society, and how selfish we are.

If everyone follows "the rule" (which at times is an actual printed rule on a sign) no one will sit at a table unless they ahem their food, and there will always be enough tables for everyone. That is the sign of a civilised, intelligent species.

On the other hand, a failure to understand how the system works for everyone, followed by a fear it isn't working for you and then, finally, a decision to place your needs in priority to all those who are more deserving than you (because they got there first), is completely opposite, and evolution needs to be given more time.

Always get a table first it's ridiculous that it's seen as rude. I would expect everyone else to do the same there's no way I'd risk buying a shed load of food to not be able to sit down anywhere that's crazy! Never
mind standing with all the kids/ bags/ pushchair and juggling trays in the queue? No thanks!

If everyone follows "the rule" (which at times is an actual printed rule on a sign) no one will sit at a table unless they ahem their food, and there will always be enough tables for everyone.

Eh? That makes no sense - if it is busy there may not be enough tables for everyone in the queue and some people will have bought food & have nowhere to eat it. If people get a table first, they can avoid that by going elsewhere if there aren't enough tables - it just makes so much more sense.

If I am on my own I do do the visual queue/tables free calculation. I don't want to share a table with a stranger or a whole family of strangers so I wouldn't do that.

If it doesn't look good I don't bother.

I queue with my 3 children, teaching them both how to behave in a queue and that in the queue is the recognised system of gaining service in our country. It's not a bun fight for who can bagsy tables first - in the same way I teach them not to grab things out of other people's hands! When I am being served at the till I send older children to sit down as I bring the food. It's not difficult. Nor is it rude or entitled to expect a real person who has paid for food and has it in their hands ready to eat to have priority over a coat or bag left on a table. I have my food, you do not yet have your food so I get to chose my table before you.

It's not a bun fight for who can bagsy tables first - in the same way I teach them not to grab

What sort of establishments are you visiting, Ruby? There's never any bun fighting.

But if everyone waits until they have their food, the place won't be full of people sat at tables with no food - that's the main reason other people don't get a space. Say you grab a table because there's a huge queue and a 20 minute wait to get served. Others do the same. All the people coming away with their food are faced with people sitting at the tables and not eating, sometimes for the time it takes them to eat their food standing up and leave.

From reading this thread, it seems that people have been caught out by other people taking tables before they need them and have joined the bandwagon in order not to lose out.

It appears to have become so ingrained as a practice that a whole generation now sees it as normal. It's kind of like writing 'phone instead of phone (i.e. retaining the apostrophe) - the people who do it (including me if I'm being super formal) think it's correct and proper and shows that you're educated, and the people who don't do this think 'ha, they've made a typo' or 'jeez, what an uppity twat'.

It appears to have become so ingrained as a practice that a whole generation now sees it as normal.

It's a sort of reverse evolution!

I agree about 'phone. It's not necessary, formally or otherwise. I'd ask if they use the apostrophe, just for example, for 'bus and other similar words.
But the one person I know who does it is quite lovely and sensible, and not the sort to adopt affectations.

Tangent much there

I don't use an apostrophe for bus because bus was already the established word when I was growing up and the only people I've heard say omnibus is when they're taking the piss or showing themselves to be an anachronistic character.

Phone, however, was an evolution I personally lived through, so I feel like I'm acknowledging the past in a 'look how far we've come - it wasn't always this way, you know' way, because I grew up in an age without mobile phones (and table-reserving, evidently) which feels like it was a different world in retrospect.

Yeh it's a sort of prisoners dilemma really. And of course if you have past experience of being screwed over you will screw over everyone else.

I wonder how it works in other cultures? I bet in Germany and Switzerland everyone follows the system beautifully and so everyone can always sit down.

There is never any bun fighting

This is because people who queue can often tecognise a certain type of person and don't say anything in the likelihood it will lead to a scene/raised voices/confrontation. There have been instances of people pushing in front of me getting on a bus. I wwiuldnt say anything as I'd be afraid of the consequences as these people have no issue shouting or swearing loudly if someone dared say anything to them.

I'm not surprised some people don't see that they are being selfish and inconsiderate of others by grabbing tables before the people in front of them.

Sadly it is a reflection on the type of society we have become. All I can do iis try to teach manners to my own children and sadly I regularly notice that my children lose our as a result - lose their turns in playgrounds as a result of not pushing on, are left without a biscuit in toddler groups because other kids grab two or three instead of one and their parents think this is absolutely fine.

The 'norm' is now to look after oneself first and foremost and anything else is met with making fun of those who try to be considerate of others. I wonder where will it all end in our so called civilised society.

Fair enough, longines.

Though the last time I saw 'phone in print was about fifty years ago in The Times

I am stricked on manners but as a child we always got a table before our food. We went out as a group of 7 and cant imagine all of us lining up before finding a table. We would never have sat together

This is because people who queue can often tecognise a certain type of person and don't say anything in the likelihood it will lead to a scene/raised voices/confrontation. There have been instances of people pushing in front of me getting on a bus. I wwiuldnt say anything as I'd be afraid of the consequences as these people have no issue shouting or swearing

You really need to find somewhere else. It's always rather civilised in the places I go to eat/drink. No bun fighting or the fear of shouting and swearing people

Civilised table grabbers? I've heard it all now

This image of table grabbers brings to mind people suddenly storming the café, scattering their possessions over 5 table's with lots of radio talk and "go go go!!" ad opposed to me walking into Starbucks with DH and toddlEr.

One of us gets a childs seats and decants toddler, one of us orders and brings food over. I would think it incredibly rude of someone came and sat down opposite my husband and started in on their order without asking if the chair is frefoodIf the only take free was a 4 seater we'd sit in such a way that the other two seats would be usable.

You have no idea why my husband isn't queuing. He might have a bad back or a bad foot, the toddler might need his feed putting on.
Also I don't want to be queuing out the door because there's two friends with pushchairs, a family of 5, a gaggle of school kids etc vs 1 friend with her mate sat with the babies, one parent with the other at with the kids, a couple of teenagers at a time which gives me a better idea of who many people are waiting to be served and how many tables are free.

If I'm alone I'll probably dump my coat and shopping and book, rummage for my purse to save time at the counter then go order

Table hoggers on holiday .

A couple of pps have asked that the discussion is about self service cafes, canteen type things where you put your food on your plate and pay at till then leave the counter with it. Canteen type thing. That's not clear in the OP, the OP sounds more like a she told her husband to go sit whike she paid for the order, which I think is what most posters are talking about.

I posted earlier that most places round here p, supermarkets, cafes bars etc have menus on the tables so I'd get a table before ordering in that scenario.

But with a canteen type place? No, dh and dd would be in queue choosing and carrying their own food.the trays are not usually big enough to hold even two plates and drinks so I couldn't manage loading two seperate plates with two different orders and or carrying two trays with food and drink. It would be easier to walk around looking for a table, than having everyone go bag a table while I get everything myself. How do you do it with four or five in a family? The thought of filling five plates with each individual's preferences is stressful, carrying them fills me with dread, I'd imagine five plates and drinks would easily be three trays.

overthinking I think that makes sense tho depending on where you are. With a buggy I wouldn't want one of us to push him whilst carrying the tray over him. It makes sense for me to carry both whilst he gets out the way
If there were 5 of us then I'd probably get a few to sit down just to reduce the amount of space

You were jumping ahead and I would have pointed that out to you.

good grief, does it mean I have to abandon my table if I go to re-order, because I fancy another cup of coffee or a slice of cake? Am I supposed to grab all my stuff to join a queue, and then try to find another table with my new fresh coffee?

Is there a book with all these rules written? I am guessing the title would be "How to make your life as miserable and difficult as humanly possible!"

There are some very awkward people on this forum

my heart and I'd have politely told you that you queue for the food service not tables so no, I'm not jumping ahead of you