To ask someone to sit at a table while I'm in a queue?

[DedicationToSparkleMotion]

I had no idea this is apparently rude?

Today while in a cafe queue I said to DH "go and get a seat while I pay". He looked horrified said I was effectively "pushing in front" of those queueing in front of us and we shouldn't sit until we had ordered and paid.

I don't really agree and think everyone does this if they are in a group (after all if a family of five go in are they all going to stand in a queue together? What if everyone did this, the queue area would be overrun?!) and it's neither polite nor impolite, but he was insistent.

Who was BU?

Margaret, I would suggest that in a university campus cafe, you've probably got a lot of regular users, and their behaviour is influenced by previous visits and by their perception of what's 'normal' for that establishment.

For a fairer test, I'd also want to examine coffee shop behaviour at places like stately homes and theme parks (and other places where people are less likely to be regular users) to see if a cafe's perceived culture and previous experience is shaping people's behaviour.

For a fairer test, I'd also want to examine coffee shop behaviour at places like stately homes and theme parks (and other places where people are less likely to be regular users) to see if a cafe's perceived culture and previous experience is shaping people's behaviour.

Ok, so I need research assistants for this. This is turning into a major collaborative project. I wonder whether we can also get a couple of PhDs out of it (on top of the multiple peer-reviewed articles it will naturally produce). This might be the making of my career...

Somehow I think my knowing that plate stacking is not considered good manners has more to do with you not knowing it before you wrote that post. :)

Anyway having a spat, however lighthearted, on the internet with someone who clearly thinks being polite is unnecessary, is a waste of everyone's time.

It is a fine day outside. I intend to make good use of that and suggest you do the same

Ooohh DS and I love cafes and coffee ships, we'll be you're research fellows. A PHD at 2 would seem appropriate foe his level of awesomeness

Somehow I think my knowing that plate stacking is not considered good manners has more to do with you not knowing it before you wrote that post. smile

I already said that I didn't think you'd know that! Given that you have a weird interpretation of what good manners actually are.

People today, and their poor upbringing. What a shame

but Pottedplants, I don't think that being polite and having manners are unnecessary, I don't agree that choosing your table before ordering is rude.

At a very popular local cafe (big chain store) there is a notice asking people not to take seats before they have got food. Nobody takes any notice of this - people have a look for what they want, then go and sit down leaving the other half to order and get the food or drinks. So you often get a situation where someone is at the till with a tray of stuff,- and nowhere to sit, while people behind in the queue have seats taken for them. Last week the guy on the counter who takes the orders announced loudly that he was going to stop serving food until the person at the front had a seat - 'no point in everyone backing up.' So we all stood and waited until someone had finished, so the person at the head of the queue could sit down. He repeated this with every customer, and not one of the b**s sitting occupying an empty table would get up! It was a farce. We went in yesterday, and guess what - nearly all tables taken by people without food. Drives me mad - I'm getting my coffee elsewhere from today.

Defo get a seat as soon as you can - don't want to end up standing with nowhere to sit!

Your husband is right. If there is pressure on tables then people who are actually eating should have priority. It's rude for people who are not eating to be taking up tables that are needed by people who have food already.

I wouldn't dream of standing in a queue waiting to be served and pay for food if there was nowhere to sit after having just paid! I would most certainly tell who ever I'm with to get a table whilst I queue and do not see anything wrong with that

So what do people on their own do in a place where you have to get a table to give the number when you order? Does no one go to those places alone? No one ever eaten lunch alone in a wetherspoons?!

Thing is if a particular business has a policy then they have every right to enforce it this way. Can't say I go anywhere other than a pub etc where you need to sit for a table number that's as busy as all the paces everyone frequents

I have to admit I have never thought about it.. with 3 children in tow I would usually ask them to sit at a table close by me while I get the food.. sorry guys if I offend anyone by doing that but there is no way on this earth i am ordering food with 3 DDs and have no where to sit to eat!

Only read the first page, wow! 😳

So, if I go to anywhere that my children will be eating, I always send them to be seated with the other parent. Why? 2 of the 3 children are disabled AND are diagnosed with autism.

Ever tried to queue with 2 autistic kids? Ever tried to be in a queue where someone else has autistic kids with them?

If someone were to object to this, I'd have no choice but to leave. Should my children be denied ever eating out just because they have disabilities?

YANBU, it would never even occur to me that this was considered 'rude'!

A boy of about 6 tried to reserve his mum a space at the self service checkout in Sainsbury's today - she was mortified when she got there a minute after him and told him off in the nicest possible way. Everyone else thought it was funny and sweet so no harm done, but wonder what would have happened if he'd done it on a Saturday afternoon when the store was heaving....

I've name changed for this. We visited a cathedral city last week (being a bit over the top with privacy here), all the lovely independent cafés we visited had somebody show us over to a table to leave our belongings, and small people, then asked us to come over to order food and drinks when settled. No table numbers, cafe quite busy, very accommodating they were.

It isn't rude at all, as so many people have said before me, it's common sense. I'd think it was very silly if a crowd went up to order without ensuring they had somewhere to sit first. I'd assume they didn't eat out much and didn't know what to do.

I dont think its rude, I think its normal behaviour to bag yourself a table if you have someone with you who can do this. Its irrelevant how many grumpy demanding toddlers you have with you (and I have my own!). If I am on my own with the little ones and got my food and theres no table, I don't stand around pathetically, judging those with tables and waiting for someone to feel sorry for me. I ask to join someone who looks like they are a lone diner (and so far they always say 'yes of course') or I simply wait for a few minutes. Be honest, if the cafe is that busy then turnover is usually pretty quick and you don't have to wait long. Also if I am the one who has bagged a table I would be happy to share if I have more than enough seats, and I would always jump up for an elderly or disabled person.

Never thought this was rude. It's common to do around here. Even in Nando's you get seated first then go up to order food (yes I know it's not a cafe but that's besides the point, if it's a rude gesture to seat yourself first then why are eating places putting this in practice), no restaurant/cafe/place to eat around here has ever said "order first then sit down"

Unless there is a sign saying 'please wait to be seated' you are not rude for taking a seat before ordering....surely?!

I think table bagging is rude if there is a long queue. Went to an exhibition alone, bought a coffee and muffin at the cafe (with woefully small provision of chairs). Saw a party of 4 about to leave so went over and took one of the seats as they stood up. 2 ladies hot footing it from the other direction ask the girls leaving if they can have their seats - I didn't feel any need to respond as there were 2 of them and one of me. As I sat down as well as them they huffed at each other and started a conversation in a loud voice about where Fanny and Annie were going to sit, and she struggles standing don't you know. Purely passive aggressive hoping I'd shift. I ignored them and overused my phone - and thought that if they struggle standing why the feck is she in the 10 minute queue! As they came back they loudly offered the Friends seats and "well have to sit on the floor". If they had been less PA I'd have done what I meant to which was way the muffin and take the coffee with me (was in a paper cup). As it was I stayed to the last drop...

*perused not overused!

But... But... Most of the time the menu is on the TABLES in these places... So i get a table, sit and ponder what I want and THEN go and queue for my order. No way would I queue and then risk the argument with the counter staff as I insist on them finding me a table asap or my money back (cause that's what'd happen!!!).