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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To hate living in what isn't practically solitary confinement

239 replies

user1490990350 · 02/04/2017 08:14

I have no idea how I've managed to end up like this. I've been at university most of my life. I've not worked in paid work during that time. When I finished my course I was unemployed for almost two years but have managed to get two days work (at most, im bank staff) working each week. Sometimes I get no work for upto three weeks.

I moved to a hell hole of a place when I got pregnant, to be nearer to His family. I was 21. We split shortly after my Son was born and for 7 years I have basically wasted here.

I don't fit in. I have a PHD and apparently a 'posh' voice which is laughed at regularly. When I do get to know people I'm more a point of amusement than anything else. I've never had this problem anywhere else I've lived.

My ex and his family moved 40 mins away.

So now, I have a council house, in a rough area, where I literally know no one. I see no one. I spend almost every day on my own in a small 2 bed house surrounded by only my 6 year old for company (and he's not really any company even though I love him).

I do have two friends who live in the nearest city but I am so poor I can't afford to do anything. Visit them, go to soft play centres, go to any of the facilities in the nearest city. I don't even have a supermarket round here so get my shopping online.

There is very little round here. Not even a supermarket and I can't afford to travel around.

My son is fine as he ha school and then goes to his dads where he does fun things at the weekend.

I'm keeping going by applying for full time work and once I have a full time job I will be fine. Adult company, people I have things in common with to make friends with and a reason to get up in the morning.

Right now I spend almost every single day alone. With nowhere to go, no one to see. I'd rather be in prison!!!

I feel like I'm serving a prison sentence in solitary confinement and spend all my days listening to music and going on my phone as I have to do something for stimulation.

I know I'm not the only one who lives this sort of isolated life. How do those of you in similar situation cope?

Aibu to feel like I'm going be from lack of mental stimulation? I'm so so so bored.

OP posts:

animaniac · 02/04/2017 22:18

Outside peak times, yes it's once per hour from Greenfield, but the buses that run along the main road go straight to Manchester (and if you can get to Greenfield station, the bus stop is literally round the corner). Unless you live really far out like Denshaw or Diggle (But those villages I really don't understand being called deprived?).
What is it you're looking for in an area?

Zafodbeeblbrox10 · 02/04/2017 22:23

Sometimes we have to live in shit places. Sometimes people have to live in shit places all their lives and have no power over that. I'm guessing you are one of the former?

Original poster

user1490990350 · 02/04/2017 22:32

I'd consider them deprived. They've nothing going for them in my opinion.

OP posts:

animaniac · 02/04/2017 22:38

Ok, you're perfectly entitled to your opinion. But my understanding from what you've been saying is that you're not going to move, so why not try to find the good in the place? There's lots of free things to do in the area, lovely walks, parks and such. Perhaps try and chat to some other parents at the school gates; it might be hard/ nerve wracking but you can't keep being so down and negative about the place and people you're 'stuck' with, otherwise you'll never be happy or even content here.

Original poster

user1490990350 · 02/04/2017 23:05

I'm involved in school activities. I go to all the events I'm invited to. I've just not made a good friend out of it.

OP posts:

ChoccyJules · 02/04/2017 23:09

I want to live in a village called Diggle

SoAngryArghh · 02/04/2017 23:13

From what I've read you're just looking for excuses. It's all very negative. You need some CBT. I wonder if you're coming across as negative at interview and a bit of a know it all. I.e. An answer for every thing but no real solution or how to get there.

LastnightaDJ · 02/04/2017 23:41

OP, I'd stop now. You're starting to come across as really unpleasant. You have no empathy for "these people" it seems - if you give off those vibes in person the way you are doing here then no wonder you're finding people less than welcoming.

LastnightaDJ · 02/04/2017 23:44

Of course it is possible that OP's background means that her idea of deprived is very different from most people's. She certainly thinks she is a cut above "them" !

Original poster

user1490990350 · 02/04/2017 23:50

I might seem unpleasant but I'm not.

I had counselling for my depression and then after 6 weeks the course was finished. I had awful postnatal depression but I have improved.

OP posts:

HereThereThen · 03/04/2017 00:01

OP, I don't think you sound unpleasant, you just sound frustrated and down. Being skint, unemployed and living in nowheresville when you haven't got a car is hard work.

I don't know what you should do but I think you need to find something to get you out the house. Anything would be better than staying in the house dwelling on everything.

Long term it sounds as though things will work out. You are just going to have to be patient (easier said than done, I know) Just keep,applying and I bet you will get there.

If the thread is bothering you and not helping then just hide it.

notanurse2017 · 03/04/2017 00:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

user1490990350 · 03/04/2017 00:10

Talk about kicking someone when they're down!

If I can get an interview for every single job application I write I can get a job in my chosen field. It's that simple. My opportunity will come.

OP posts:

Original poster

user1490990350 · 03/04/2017 00:26

Thanks heretherethen I'm going to hide the thread now :-)

OP posts:

UpAwfYerSeatWeeNippy · 03/04/2017 08:05

Op don't worry. You don't sound nasty, just depressed

harshbuttrue1980 · 03/04/2017 08:37

I seem to be in a minority here, but I agree with you OP about not giving up your council tenancy. I'm in private rented, and have had to move twice in the last 2 years because my landlord was selling up. It is not a stable life, and costs a fortune. I would jump at a council tenancy.

About the area, I do understand how you feel, but you have to try to change your outlook. I live in a deprived area (Slough), and I'm a teacher in a private school. As a single person in the SE, I simply can't afford to live in the posh outer-London suburb where my school is. Most of my colleagues are married so do live in that area. I spent the first 6 months looking down my nose to be honest. However, I started voluntary work (school governor and adult literacy tutor) in the evenings, and came to realise that there are lots of people in Slough who are educated and ambitious, but they just can't afford to live in a posher area. I met a really good friend through the voluntary work, and she's a nurse in the same boat as me. I had assumed that everyone here was rough, but there are plenty of people who aren't.

HandbagCrab · 03/04/2017 09:01

Saddleworth isn't a shithole, though it might not be ideal without a car.

Manchester is full of jobs, can you not get hourly paid lecturing at a uni? Try a college if not. Plenty of teaching jobs in Oldham and Tameside - see if you can get on a pgce for Sep if you fancy teaching. It'll give you more options than the one private school in wales with a ta job.

All the people I've known who live up there are really nice and not rough so I assume your minor royalty :)

MetallicBeige · 03/04/2017 10:11

I have friends in Saddleworth, they are all professionals (they're not all living in the affluent area - too expensive) they all have busy full lives, there's loads going on locally, if you look for it.

Have you been to your gp to address your depression? If not, that should be your first step.

MetallicBeige · 03/04/2017 10:13

Same crab from op's initial description of the area I was not expecting it to be Saddleworth.

Original poster

user1490990350 · 03/04/2017 10:16

I live in a place called Mossley.

Honestly, it's a hell hole.

I live on an enormous council estate. There's some very nice parts of Saddleworth but I'm on a council estate where the edges go over the official sign for saddleworth so my house counts as being in it.

It's more like I'm in Tameside though. Very different!

OP posts:

Original poster

user1490990350 · 03/04/2017 10:17

The unemployment rate is very high. The crime rate isn't too bad but it's certainly deprived.

OP posts:

WatersofLife · 03/04/2017 10:34

Mick Hucknall of Simply Red is from Tameside.

animaniac · 03/04/2017 10:37

Ahhh now it makes sense. Mossley isn't Saddleworth, hence my confusion when you said you live in Saddleworth, I wasn't thinking of Mossley.
I would agree Mossley isn't the best place in the world, but I don't know that id consider it a deprived shithole.
Thing is though, that's irrelevant. If you cant/won't move, then all you can do is try and make the best of it. There's not really another option is there, if you are adamant you're not moving.

Wikky · 03/04/2017 10:42

Oi OP, Here is my very, very short term advice. I think you should stop mumsnetting go outside, clear your head and get a bit of exercise. It a lovely day out there.

I'm sounding like my Mum more and more everyday.

Original poster

user1490990350 · 03/04/2017 10:49

We're going to the park shortly. Right not I'm revising for an interview on Wednesday.

OP posts:

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