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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not let DS go even for free?

200 replies

UnicornButtplug · 01/04/2017 11:58

Ds gets pocket money each week. Usually spends it on phone credit and wrestlers.

This week his friends mum asked did he want to go to an activity with her son. I asked DS did he want to go (with his pocket money) and he said no, he had seen something wrestling related he wants to by.
I told other mum that sorry he has spent his pocket money this week. Maybe another time.
She came back and said could he even afford half and she would pay half. I explained that he had been given the choice and he has to learn he can't have everything .
She then came back and said she would pay for him to go. I again said thanks very much for the offer but he can't go those week.

She is insisting she doesn't mind but the thing is DS already gets more thwn the other two kids, they are younger and think a kinder egg is a great treat so at the moment it's not really an issue but it just seems so unfair.

So AIBU to stick with my guns and say no. She wants him to go to keep her ds company.

OP posts:

Original poster

UnicornButtplug · 01/04/2017 23:55

Oops as explained earlier, any planned outings are budgeted for and I pay. However we are saving for our holiday next month and I just couldn't afford both thos week as the puting was suggested last minute.

I am very pleased that money isn't an issue for you and you can afford to give your child pocket money and pay for anything unexpected that crops up but my circumstances are different and on this occasion I couldn't do both.
As a single parent with three children, unfortunately money doesn't go all ways. Sometimes it will, sometimes it won't.

OP posts:

OopsDearyMe · 01/04/2017 23:59

Back for good. But actually its costing you money every time you ring them back !!!!!!

OopsDearyMe · 02/04/2017 00:00

Er single , disabled parent also with three children actually!

OopsDearyMe · 02/04/2017 00:01

But you can afford to provide an 11 year old with a mobile phone?

LagunaBubbles · 02/04/2017 00:03

The OP hasn't drip fed at all.

OopsDearyMe · 02/04/2017 00:04

The whole thing would have been avoided by you not expecting him to pay in the first place, you just needed then to tell him it was not possible. I would be bloody proud of him for being so good about it all and for the things said by the other mum , even more reason to have allowed him to go !

honeylulu · 02/04/2017 00:08

oops our son has enough pocket money to cover his frivolities and we also cover agreed expenses such as phone, clothing, uniform, activities such termly activities/family outings. Other optional outings with friends come out of pocket money (I would make an exception for a birthday).
Budgeting is so important. If I blew my whole salary in one month on breast enlargements and needed more for a social life what do you think my boss would say?I wouldn't even ask

buttercup54321 · 02/04/2017 00:13

You don't sound particularly nice. Let him go with his friend.

OopsDearyMe · 02/04/2017 00:13

Of course , but this kids not even 11 yet. I would not bring that consideration in at this stage.

Original poster

UnicornButtplug · 02/04/2017 00:15

Oops you do realise he didn't want to go?

Yes I can afford to provide him with a mobile phone. As I have said things are tighter than usual because we have our holiday in a few weeks. That doesn't mean we can't afford anything else, it means that at the moment we are having to prioritise. I really don't think it's an unusual circumstance?

OP posts:

Original poster

UnicornButtplug · 02/04/2017 00:16

You clearly havent read the thread as DS is 11, 12 in a few weeks in fact, just before we go away.

OP posts:

Original poster

UnicornButtplug · 02/04/2017 00:17

buttercup please read the thread......

OP posts:

Goodythreeshoes · 02/04/2017 00:21

RTFT

Nancy91 · 02/04/2017 00:33

You could have offered to lend him the money and taken the amount from future pocket money. I personally don't like the idea of a young child worrying about finances though, he has the rest of his life to do that.

scottishdiem · 02/04/2017 00:39

I have read the thread.

I am not sure what the lesson was supposed to be here. Yes, he made the choice but then new information/circumstances arose but the OP was going to denying the choice again. What was the lesson here?

Would the OP do the same as an adult - be offered something, decline because they couldn't afford it or wanted to spend limited resources on something else (which is fair enough) and then automatically decline a free offer precisely and only because it wasn't previously affordable?

That doesnt make sense.

Lynnm63 · 02/04/2017 00:57

In fairness to some of the other posters the OP did dripfeed. The original question was AIBU to not let ds go on an outing because he wants to spend his pocket money on a gam pe and I think he needs to learn he can't have everything. Other mother offered to pay she still said no. Most said she was unreasonable. Then the drip feed, ds didn't want to go anyway. Other mother only wants ds there to amuse her child. She is saving up for a holiday. Once we knew that we said YANBU. if we'd had the full facts she'd have been given less if a hard time.

Tinkerbec · 02/04/2017 08:02

I agree if you invite someone somewhere then you expect to pay for them. No matter how much.

I have an only child but if I offer for dd to take a friend there is no way I would expect the friend to pay. That's just rude to me. Even if it was for a theme park or whatever.

Op well done for staying and not disappearing into the ether.

Also - Let him go and cancel the blooming cheque!

Chloe84 · 02/04/2017 08:39

Then the drip feed, ds didn't want to go anyway.

It wasn't a drip feed Lynn. After OP was told she was BU, she told her DS he could go and he said he didn't want to.

People would know this if they RTFT.

PeppaPigTastesLikeBacon · 02/04/2017 08:44

Op: AIBU?
Most people: Yes
Op: no im not. He has a choice...

Why ask if you don't think YABU?

Tinkerbec · 02/04/2017 09:01

But OP also later admitted she was BU. So hats off for that as most people will just leave the thread and not admit they misjudged.

So she asked her son and he still didn't want to go. Whole other story.

Chloe84 · 02/04/2017 09:34

PeppaPig

Why ask if you don't think YABU?

Don't you think it's a bit arrogant to think you're bringing something new to a thread with 200 posts without having RTFT?

Original poster

UnicornButtplug · 02/04/2017 15:08

PepperPig

Opens thread
Skips to end
makes pointless comment

why did you post if you are just going to make up your own thread?

OP posts:

cheeseandpineapple · 02/04/2017 15:30

Glad it's all sorted OP. It's not easy to go back on a decision once it's been made but you've shown your son that you can be flexible and change your approach after you've thought it through and got some other points of view, that's a good lesson for him too, in addition to teaching him the responsibility for making his own choices.

Sounds like he knows what he wants and is making the right choices for himself.

DixieNormas · 02/04/2017 15:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ginslinger · 02/04/2017 16:00

Has the OP told her child to cancel the cheque? That's the way to manage this situation

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