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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not let DS go even for free?

200 replies

UnicornButtplug · 01/04/2017 11:58

Ds gets pocket money each week. Usually spends it on phone credit and wrestlers.

This week his friends mum asked did he want to go to an activity with her son. I asked DS did he want to go (with his pocket money) and he said no, he had seen something wrestling related he wants to by.
I told other mum that sorry he has spent his pocket money this week. Maybe another time.
She came back and said could he even afford half and she would pay half. I explained that he had been given the choice and he has to learn he can't have everything .
She then came back and said she would pay for him to go. I again said thanks very much for the offer but he can't go those week.

She is insisting she doesn't mind but the thing is DS already gets more thwn the other two kids, they are younger and think a kinder egg is a great treat so at the moment it's not really an issue but it just seems so unfair.

So AIBU to stick with my guns and say no. She wants him to go to keep her ds company.

OP posts:
NotYoda · 01/04/2017 14:21

Unicorn

The moment someone says 'dear' or mentions 'grips' I tend to leave them to it.

Good luck

kali110 · 01/04/2017 14:24

Yabu, let him go!

Original poster
UnicornButtplug · 01/04/2017 14:25

Also not sure if it comes across in my posts but as far as Ds knows it was....

Ds, friend is going trampoline park, do you want to go or so you want wrestling toy?

Ds - wrestling toy.

The discussion about paying half etc was just between the other mum and I.

Then after my response on here I said DS, do you want to go if you can still get tbe toy?
Ds, no thanks, I don't like trampoline park, it makes me sick and the bigger kids barge us.

So he wasn't made to feel guilty about money or anything.

OP posts:
Original poster
UnicornButtplug · 01/04/2017 14:29

NotYoda the moment someone starts saying oh that poor child about a child that is clearly not a 'poor child' my consideration of their opinion is lost. Each to their own, we all have our bug bears.

Flogging it wasn't a drip feed. I didn't know when I started the thread that DS wouldn't want to go if he was still given chance. It's called a development.

Anyway I was Unreasonable, I conceeded the fact and offered the chance. DS doesn't want to go. Thread complete. Thanks for the input everybody! GrinSmile

OP posts:
socialengineering · 01/04/2017 14:32

I agree with you op. He was given the choice, why can't the other mother let it go?! Is her child struggling to make friends etc?

Vanillamanilla1 · 01/04/2017 14:33

OP - AIBU
everyone - yes
OP - no im not
YES YOU ARE , you sound blimmin mean and I hope you've let him go out with his friend
What exactly did you get out of this spitefulness

TiredCluelessMummy · 01/04/2017 14:37

Vanilla that's not even close to what happened. OP asked if she was being unreasonable. Everyone said yes. She took this on board and told her DS that she had changed her mind. He still didn't want to go. Read the thread. You owe OP an apology.

jamdonut · 01/04/2017 14:38

That does seem rather harsh OP.
Fair enough, he made his choice, but do you really insist he uses pocket money for outings like that?
I would have paid for him to go, regardless.
We never had a lot of money for pocket money but my eldest always got more than the other two. Until he got a job.
My DD got a Saturday job sooner than her older brother, and was quite well off( for a teenager), but we would still pay some things for her.
Youngest Ds always does things around the house, and gets money for that, but we still pay for things for him. We are not "well off", but it is what you do for your children, surely? (The older two survive on student loans, now).
They have never had everything they wanted, sometimes we have had to say no!
That doesn't make them spoilt, and they all know the value of money.

CosyCoupe88 · 01/04/2017 14:38

You're going to end up a toy focused kid who values his toys more than his friendships and doing things. At this age they are more excited by toys that they can imagine owning that a hypothetical day out.... you need to help guide his decisions at this age.. my opinion is he is too young to have ti deal with this type of budgetting and financial planning . Getting to choose whether to save money or choosing buy something from the gift shop or convenience shop is sufficent I think personally

Tangilo · 01/04/2017 14:39

you sound blimmin mean and I hope you've let him go out with his friend

Have you read the full thread? she asked her ds and he still didn't want to go as he doesn't like trampoline parks.

LEELULUMPKIN · 01/04/2017 14:45

Let him go and if you have the money pay for it too.

Chloe84 · 01/04/2017 14:46

deblet

I feel sorry for the friend to be honest. My daughter gets very lonely and I always try to take a friend with her. You don't sound very nice at all really.

Do you pay for the friend or expect her parents to pay for the pleasure of keeping your daughter company?

Original poster
UnicornButtplug · 01/04/2017 14:46

Thanks Tired I can only assume that Vanilla read a different thread in a parallel universe or something 😂

OP posts:
RortyCrankle · 01/04/2017 14:48

Well it seems there's mean and then there's the OP.

Why would you stop your child going on an outing with his friend and family?

Chloe84 · 01/04/2017 14:48

Vanillamanilla

OP - AIBU
everyone - yes

But not everyone did say OP was BU Confused

Your assumption is quite spiteful.

Mummyoflittledragon · 01/04/2017 14:52

This thread really is getting a bit silly. Well done op for listening, you've taken the comments extremely well.

diddl · 01/04/2017 14:55

OP-start renting him out to go to places that he doesn't want to to keep others company.

Win-win.

He'll be getting more money & be too busy to spend it!Grin

fzz33 · 01/04/2017 14:55

Poor OP, I bet you're sorry you posted now as people are STILL giving you a hard time!

FWIW, it's completely your call about how you choose to parent and when and how to give 'life lessons'. As it stands, DS didn't want to go but no one has the right to be as harsh as some posters have been. Calling you mean, 'let' him go etc as if you're chaining him to his bedroom Hmm

AllPizzasGreatAndSmall · 01/04/2017 14:56

I actually think if you invite another child along to keep your child company you should expect to pay for them anyway.

itsmine · 01/04/2017 14:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Notso · 01/04/2017 15:03

When did not reading the full thread become so much of a thing. Poor OP.

TiredCluelessMummy · 01/04/2017 15:04

I actually don't think you were unreasonable to start with. Everybody who is calling you mean etc. seems to assume that all parents live in their world, where money for last minute activities can just be found with no problems. Unfortunately, that's not the case for everyone and you already explained that you have to budget carefully and this had been a last minute thing that you hadn't expected. If I were in that scenario, I wouldn't want another mum to fork out for my child particularly. But that's just me. I don't like to feel beholden unto anyone.

So, although I personally would have paid for my son to do the activity, I can understand that this just isn't an option financially for all parents, and in that instance, at least you were giving him the opportunity to go by using his pocket money rather than just saying no altogether.

Sounds like it's all sorted anyway now and DS is having fun with some other friends :)

TiredCluelessMummy · 01/04/2017 15:07

Very disappointing though that so many posters were so quick to call a single mum who is working hard to provide for 3 DC "mean" when she couldn't easily find the cash for an activity. Way to go helping to ease some single parent guilt! Not nice to see on a parenting forum at all.

shortwriter · 01/04/2017 15:08

Wow OP, people have been very mean here!
I think what you did was perfectly reasonable.

PennyPickle · 01/04/2017 15:14

OP this thread has taken a complete turn to your original post. If your OP had said, "My DS has a friend who he spends a lot of time with in and outside of school. I have regularly paid for him to accompany his friend when he has been invited out with friends family. However, he has been invited to go to an activity with them (that he is not keen to do) and money is a bit tight at the moment as we are saving like mad for a holiday we have booked next month. AIBU to say he won't be going on planned activity to keep his friend company", you would have received a resounding NO YANBU.

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