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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not let DS go even for free?

200 replies

UnicornButtplug · 01/04/2017 11:58

Ds gets pocket money each week. Usually spends it on phone credit and wrestlers.

This week his friends mum asked did he want to go to an activity with her son. I asked DS did he want to go (with his pocket money) and he said no, he had seen something wrestling related he wants to by.
I told other mum that sorry he has spent his pocket money this week. Maybe another time.
She came back and said could he even afford half and she would pay half. I explained that he had been given the choice and he has to learn he can't have everything .
She then came back and said she would pay for him to go. I again said thanks very much for the offer but he can't go those week.

She is insisting she doesn't mind but the thing is DS already gets more thwn the other two kids, they are younger and think a kinder egg is a great treat so at the moment it's not really an issue but it just seems so unfair.

So AIBU to stick with my guns and say no. She wants him to go to keep her ds company.

OP posts:
5moreminutes · 01/04/2017 12:40

MrsGame read the post at 12:29

Original poster
UnicornButtplug · 01/04/2017 12:41

MsGame I have offered him to go and he doesn't want to. He said he didn't want to go because the activity makes him feel sick.

OP posts:
RedSkyAtNight · 01/04/2017 12:45

@Lola - I don't think cheap contract phones will come anywhere near as cheap as PAYG!

Beachhairdontcare · 01/04/2017 12:52

Wow. YABVU.

Original poster
UnicornButtplug · 01/04/2017 12:57

Yes BeachHair we established that already. You could always RTFT. I backtracked and gave DS the oppertunity to go.

OP posts:
LolaTheDarkdestroyer · 01/04/2017 12:58

Redsky i pay £7 a month for my sons.

Smitff · 01/04/2017 13:04

Even before your update OP I thought YANBU. Whatever the parameters you use to teach your DS about budgeting and spending money, you should stick to them. I would have done exactly the same as you.

I too immediately thought the other mum wanted to pay for your son because he'd keep her son out of her hair. Well, not at the expense of the important lesson you're teaching your DS.

Fact that he didn't want to go any way is just bloody typical of the critters anyway...Hmm Grin

emmyrose2000 · 01/04/2017 13:05

I can't for one second imagine letting my 11 year old pay for an outing. At that age, pocket money is for (small) treat things/wants and hopefully learning to save.

BackforGood · 01/04/2017 13:05

And also why. Not get him a cheap contract phone? It wound Cost you less then him buying credit

How do you work that out Lola ? Confused
My dc have all had PAYG, and responsibility for paying for their own top ups. They can make £10 last for 18months - can you point me in the direction of a contract that will do that? They do all their (soical media) socialising, chatting, making arrangements, etc. on messaging systems using free wi-fi. If they want to speak to me or their Dad, they give us a couple of rings and we'll ring them back.

feathermucker · 01/04/2017 13:07

YABU

IsithormonesoramIamadcow · 01/04/2017 13:09

YANBU. I've not RTWT but I just wanted to say that my parents did this with me and my sister. We got a fair allowance, but there was no extra. If we spent it on one thing we might miss out on something else. Both of us as adults have been financially responsible and have had no issues with debt. I will do the same for my DCs when they are old enough.

diddl · 01/04/2017 13:16

So really he just doesn't want to go under any circumstances?

The other parent does sound desperate!

RedSkyAtNight · 01/04/2017 13:20

@Lola - £7 a month is a lot more than my DC (and me as well, come to that) spend on PAYG!

leghoul · 01/04/2017 13:24

Are you sure he doesn't want to go and this isnt about money and him worrying about your reaction? You sound pretty mean to him and it's an outing with his friend. He's still very young.

Original poster
UnicornButtplug · 01/04/2017 13:27

Leghoul he has said he doesn't want to go, I have no reason to think he would lie. He wouldn't be in trouble or anything. He has been offered twice with different circumstances and said no so I will take his word for it.

OP posts:
deblet · 01/04/2017 13:29

I feel sorry for the friend to be honest. My daughter gets very lonely and I always try to take a friend with her. You don't sound very nice at all really.

BhajiAllTheWay · 01/04/2017 13:31

He doesn't want to go so that's sorted. OP I kind of get it. But it's not quite so black and white is it. Not every incident has to be a lesson to learn for your child, there'll be plenty of opportunities to teach him about money or choices. Maybe relax a bit..

KavvLar · 01/04/2017 13:33

Gosh OP you are getting a really hard time here. I think you seem like you are trying to be consistent and to do the right thing whilst also being aware that you, like the best of us, are muddling through hence asking for opinions which you have clearly taken on board. I don't think you sound mean at all.

diddl · 01/04/2017 13:40

" My daughter gets very lonely and I always try to take a friend with her. You don't sound very nice at all really."

Well the boy in question will have to ask another friend, won't he?

JakeBallardswife · 01/04/2017 13:42

I think the OP has graciously accepted she was a bit mean and will rethink it next time. However, really if DS's friends parents should be paying. If they want to take a child to XXX activity then they pay. Well that's the way it works around here.

MrsWombat · 01/04/2017 13:45

To be fair, if it's the mother who is arranging this and wanting company for her son then she should have offered to pay in the the first place.

LolaTheDarkdestroyer · 01/04/2017 13:48

£7 a month is cheap for calls data and messages.. plus a free phone! To the poster who said their dc make £10 top up last 18 months.. bollocks as I know you have to top up x amount of times or they cut you off they aren't going to let you drag it out s year and a half. Anyway thread derailed Blush

Original poster
UnicornButtplug · 01/04/2017 13:48

Deblet I am sure your daughter has more than one friend that you can ask. Why should someone else have to entertain your daughter just because you only had one.

There will be lots of other activities that I am sure DS will want to do, I am not about to force him, regardless of who is paying just because the other child may be bored/lonley etc.

OP posts:
ShowMePotatoSalad · 01/04/2017 13:50

YABU. The other mum has rightly offered to pay because she's organising the activity and wants a friend to accompany her son. So YABU because it's nothing to do with pocket money or the value money at all. In normal life you don't have to choose between spending money on bills or going to a free event. It's FREE.

ShowMePotatoSalad · 01/04/2017 13:51

If he doesn't want to go that's a different matter but it wasn't the premise of your AIBU. Hmm

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