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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not let DS go even for free?

200 replies

UnicornButtplug · 01/04/2017 11:58

Ds gets pocket money each week. Usually spends it on phone credit and wrestlers.

This week his friends mum asked did he want to go to an activity with her son. I asked DS did he want to go (with his pocket money) and he said no, he had seen something wrestling related he wants to by.
I told other mum that sorry he has spent his pocket money this week. Maybe another time.
She came back and said could he even afford half and she would pay half. I explained that he had been given the choice and he has to learn he can't have everything .
She then came back and said she would pay for him to go. I again said thanks very much for the offer but he can't go those week.

She is insisting she doesn't mind but the thing is DS already gets more thwn the other two kids, they are younger and think a kinder egg is a great treat so at the moment it's not really an issue but it just seems so unfair.

So AIBU to stick with my guns and say no. She wants him to go to keep her ds company.

OP posts:
Original poster
UnicornButtplug · 01/04/2017 13:52

The phone thing as an aside, i couldn't trust D'S not to run up a huge bill on data outside of the house. He is 11, far too young for that responsibility. I pay £10 a month which gets him calls, text and x amount of data. If he wants extra credit to buy add ons for the monkey game he plays or extra data then he tops up extra out of his own money. I won't put my card details into online games.

OP posts:
Original poster
UnicornButtplug · 01/04/2017 13:55

Showme initially it wasn't free though and I had already said no. The thread showed me I was being a bit mean, I accepted that IWBU and offered D'S the chance to go, he didn't want to.
The thread evolved, I was Unreasonable and DS stI'll didnt go.

He has gone to the park with his other friends instead so thats that.

Thanks for helping me see things differently.

OP posts:
givemestrengthorgin · 01/04/2017 13:55

Let him go and have a bit of fun. You're not teaching him anything positive by not letting him go with his friend.

Original poster
UnicornButtplug · 01/04/2017 13:57

Givemestrength He doesn't want to go. He has gone out to the park instead with other friends.

OP posts:
Babyroobs · 01/04/2017 14:02

YABU - Obviously his friends mum wants him to go for company for her son and is willing to pay so I don't see what the problem is.

Patriciathestripper1 · 01/04/2017 14:03

Jayzus poor kid. Yabvu.
It's ok to budget but the other mum offered to pay!
I'm sure your poor son knows how lucky he is to be treated by his mates mom, and wouldn't expect this all the time.
I well feel sorry for him.

BackforGood · 01/04/2017 14:05

It's not bollocks Lola - it's fact. On different PAYG deals over several years(different dc)
Even if on whatever company you are with it runs out after 12 months, then it is still £10 for a year, which is a lot less than £7 a month.

Sorry OP - this has nothing to do with your question.

Patriciathestripper1 · 01/04/2017 14:06

I bet he did want to go, but you spoiled it for him making him feel bad about having 2 treats.
Were your parents like this with you?

Ginslinger · 01/04/2017 14:06

RTFT - he doesn't want to go! He's gone to the park OP said she was being unreasonable

OP - Flowers

dawnviews · 01/04/2017 14:07

I would definitely let him go, i wouldn't take a good friendship for granted either. The mother might take someone else and your ds could end up losing a friend. You know how fickle friendships are at that age. I wouldn't put so much importance on making him learn lessons about money and such. He's 11, let him have fun with his pal.

diddl · 01/04/2017 14:07

"YABU - Obviously his friends mum wants him to go for company for her son"

Why is that the Op's son's problem?

He doesn't want to go at all as he is not interested in the activity!

ShowMePotatoSalad · 01/04/2017 14:08

Thanks for not taking what I said personally, OP.

To others who are having a go at posters saying YABU, not everyone reads the full thread before posting. If you had to do that you'd be here forever. To a certain extent OPs have to see that despite further explanation and resolution new thread posters will still address the original question.

dawnviews · 01/04/2017 14:09

Ok too late now, but i'd have let him go, he didn't really get a proper choice.

Notso · 01/04/2017 14:10

OP I think you need to work on him telling you exactly what he wants as this partially could have been avoided if he had said I don't like that activity.
I also think you should be clear about exactly what you will pay for and you expect him to pay for from pocket money.

Lola my Dad has an old payg phone he keeps in the car for emergencies. IT was topped up £20 three years ago, he has only made one call on it in that time, he receives calls and texts with no issue. I don't like contract phones for my children because theres no flexibility. With payg they can prioritise other spending over the phone. It also means they have to save up for a phone if they want upgrades, rather than getting expensive handsets for 'free'.

bigmac4me · 01/04/2017 14:12

Sorry, I think this is really unkind of you OP. Poor little boy.

GwenStaceyRocks · 01/04/2017 14:14

This wasn't just about your DS. You used this invitation to teach him a lesson about budgeting without considering that there was another DC involved in this.
You could have used a kind invitation from a friend to teach any number of lessons (if everything has to be a lesson) eg , friendship; give and take; kindness; prioritising; graciously refusing or accepting. You made it about money and that's the lesson DS has learnt so he has opted to spend his money on himself and go for the free activity with other friends (ie the park). There's no consideration for the friend who invited him on the activity at all.

HotelEuphoria · 01/04/2017 14:14

I can't believe people are still saying let him go. The OP admitted she had misjudged, she offered her son the opportunity to go, he doesn't like the activity anyway and has gone out to play with other friends.

dawnviews · 01/04/2017 14:15

Sorry another here who hadn't read rtft, i realise he could have gone if he'd wanted.

PuppyMonkey · 01/04/2017 14:16

Has anyone mentioned you should let him go yet? I think you should also cancel the cheque and inform HR. GrinWink

BTW dying to know what the activity is!

GwenStaceyRocks · 01/04/2017 14:18

I'm guessing it's a trampoline park since OP's relative broke a bone at one previously . . .

Original poster
UnicornButtplug · 01/04/2017 14:18

bigmac poor little boy? Here is a grip dear... He had the choice to do the activity, he doesn't want to. He gets pocket money, trips out and we are going abroad next month. Poor little boy indeed.

OP posts:
diddl · 01/04/2017 14:19

" new thread posters will still address the original question."

They only have to scroll through Op's posts to keep up!

NotYoda · 01/04/2017 14:20

Totally agree with your post everymummy (also the parent of teens, so see the value of getting out and about)

Original poster
UnicornButtplug · 01/04/2017 14:20

Gwen it is indeed the trampoline park. He said it makes him feel sick and there are always older kids in there barfing them about.

Those that don't read the full thread, do you know it is possible to highlight the OP posts and just skim through reading those? Its a very handy feature.

OP posts:
Floggingmolly · 01/04/2017 14:21

Maybe op's shouldn't dripfeed, then...

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