To ask if you would think this woman is partly to blame for what happened to her? (Might be triggering for some people)

[NervousNancy]

This has being playing on my mind all day and I just need to get this out so please bear with me and try not to be too harsh.

A young woman goes out clubbing one night with her friends. She dresses up for her night out - skimpy dress, does her makeup, puts on some high heeled shoes, etc. She ends up getting very drunk and ends up getting separated from her friends.

So she is alone, very drunk and clearly not thinking straight. She decides to walk home alone. Unfortunately on her way home she ends up being raped.

Would you say that she is partly responsible for what happened to her and accept some of the blame?

ah cross post, OP.

I'm very sorry this happened to you. I've had a very similar experience and i did partly blame myself, but then i had counselling and it helped a lot. this might be something you should look into, as its obviously still affecting you. x

nervous

You werent to blame

I thought you were using a hypothetical example, or talking about someone else.

I'm so sorry this happened to you. But it's 100% not your fault. TV

It might make her more likely to be raped unfortunately, because the rapist might single her out as less able to defend herself, but she is in no way to blame. Two different things. You can choose to reduce your risk if you want to and that is what I would advise my dds but they still would not be too blame

I grew up always being told to not get too drunk and to not walk home alone. So when I ignored that advice and something bad happened I thought it was my fault somehow.

Phone went weird. That 'tv' bit shouldn't be there

mobile.twitter.com/SarahKSilverman/status/579172363222282240/photo/1

This sums up what I think.

So sorry this happened to you OP. It was not your fault in any way.

Thank you for telling me it wasn't my fault.

I feel a bit better now.

Is there anything that woman (or any other woman) could do that would make it ok to rape her?
No of course there isn't.

Absolutely no blame whatsoever op, I'm so sorry this happened to you. You did nothing wrong.

But if she wasn't drunk and decided to walk home alone it wouldn't have happened.

If there was a rapist on her route home it would have happened to someone.

Same as if I leave my front door open and a burglar walks by and robs me. The burglar was out to rob. His fault.

nervous the fault and responsibility for rape lie solely with the perpetrator. It shouldn't matter what anyone wears or how pissed-up they are.

You really need to find a way to accept that this isn't your fuck-up. This didn't happen because of how you were dressed or how you behaved or how much you drank. It happened because a lowlife decided his needs overruled your rights and he took what he wanted. Do you have support and friends you can trust with this?

Definitely not your fault. Really sorry that happened to you

And all decisions she is entitled to make without being raped
This has crystallised something I've been searching for for some time - the single line answer to idiots who try to argue that the woman should bear some responsibility. Thanks to this poster

for OP.

Never, ever the victim's fault.
I saw something once that said that we should be teaching our sons not to be rapists rather than teaching our daughters how not to be raped.

It wasn't your fault. You have no blame in this. If you weren't drunk it could have still happened, if you got a taxi home it could have still happened. Don't blame yourself

No she is not to blame at all. I don't know why people are still unsure of this.

No you weren't to blame, the rapist was. He could have chosen not to rape you.
I agree with HappyAxolotl that the judge wasn't victim blaming though.

Rape is caused by rapists. Unfortunately society would have us believe women can do things to prevent rape. They can't. It's a myth.

There are a few tips that will prevent rape though:

Men:
If a woman is out at night alone, don't rape her.

If a woman is wearing skimpy clothes, or indeed is naked, still don't rape her.

If a woman is off her head, screaming drunk - how about you don't rape her?

Rapists: don't rape women.

That's all you need to know OP. Hope you're ok

He had his hands around my neck and he threatened to kill me if I didn't do what he told me to do and I believed him. I was too scared to fight back anyway so if I hadn't been drunk I still might not have gotten away.

But then if I hadn't been drunk I wouldn't have walked home alone at 3am

No blame AT ALL for the rape.

Irrespective of your situation, a man chose to rape you. There is no guarantee that he wouldnt have done the same to a sober woman in her comfies walking around in the daylight. He chose to rape. Your actions did not force him to rape you.

What I will add on the end here is that all people should be mindful of their alcohol consumption generally as it lowers self awareness and control of the body and mind. NOT that this "causes rape" but more that anyone so inebriated is a risk to their own health with regards crossing roads, getting lost, unable to make sensible choices etc.

None, NONE, of the above over rides the mans choice to rape a woman. That is paramount. He chose to do it.

Thing is if you'd got a cab home you'd still have no way of knowing if the cab driver was safe.

I don't for one second think that she is to blame. However I would still advise my daughter (and my son) to drink sensibly and not walk home alone as then they are less at risk from rapists/thugs/falling into a river etc. I think sometimes people are so afraid of being seen as 'victim blaming' they they avoid handing out perfectly sensible advise.

*advice