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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU - no idea if this was racist?

288 replies

thisIsMyNewUserName · 29/03/2017 16:24

I'm narrowing myself down to a few hundred people (in theory) so want to be careful with identifying myself in real life.

Someone made a complaint about a colleague. During a meeting, babies were discussed. He said something like "Well, Asian ones are by far the cutest". Someone made a complaint and he has a meeting with HR next week about it. They suggested he contact a union rep should he wish as well as including a pdf of various policies within the company which I think points to bad news.

He's white, BTW. His wife is too and they've a 6 month old blonde-haired, blue-eyes daughter

I think he was at absolute worst a little immature but am interested in a consensus. AIBU thinking he should be given the benefit of the doubt? He's expecting to be hung, drawn and quartered.

OP posts:
CaseyAtTheBat · 30/03/2017 10:21

Oh, the poor white people. Please tell us more about the suffering of the white people and the racism they have endured? We're agog.

grannytomine · 30/03/2017 10:22

ChrisYoung, of course it is racist to lump all white people into one category, like all white babies aren't as cute as any Asian baby.

EnthusiasmIsDisturbed · 30/03/2017 10:24

oh so now people don't have the right to be offended others can decide for them if they should be

Has the Stephen Fry comment been trotted out yet

And really Chris I really don't know where to start but maybe you should read up on history and how that impacts our societies today that might be a good start

Gabilan · 30/03/2017 10:29

If my OH had that come across to him from one of his employees he would tell them behave and get a grip- or they would be looking for a job themselves

If an employer doesn't listen to and take the concerns of their staff seriously, then looking for another employer is probably best all round. If I thought an employer was so dismissive of genuine concerns, and didn't have proper processes by which to deal with them, then I would be looking to move elsewhere. And I'd take my postgraduate qualifications and decades of experience and knowledge with me.

fernanie · 30/03/2017 10:49

Oh, the poor white people. Please tell us more about the suffering of the white people and the racism they have endured? We're agog.

He said he's from South Africa. You do know the history of race relations in that country, right? There's been some pretty horrific racism in both directions. I have white South African friends who came to the UK as asylum seekers after experiencing awful race-based violence from their black neighbours. Of course racism can affect amy race - the clue's in the name.

maybe you should read up on history and how that impacts our societies today that might be a good start
I know this comment wasn't directed at me but as a non-white mother of non-white kids I just despair of this logic. Being non-white doesn't give you a free pass to treat white people like shit. Yes there are centuries of oppression in our history. But hate doesn't drive out hate. The fact that someone's ancestors abused your ancestors isn't a reason to make assumptions about them, generations later. That's one surefire way to perpetuate the cycle of racial hate.

EnthusiasmIsDisturbed · 30/03/2017 10:58

Who said it gives anyone a pass to treat people badly

but the post is incrediably stupid as white people have not systematically suffered from a power imbalance

Flipthebirdy · 30/03/2017 10:59

And just thought I'd mention - white people have been lumped into one category almost forever. All white people are racist. All white people think they're superior etc etc - the list goes on. But that's OK is it? Because it can't be racist if you're white?

Chris Did anyone say that it was okay? I didn't read that so wondering where your comment stemmed from.

Gabilan · 30/03/2017 11:03

white people have not systematically suffered from a power imbalance

Do you want to say that in a pub in Dublin?

Flipthebirdy · 30/03/2017 11:04

fern Being non-white doesn't give you a free pass to treat white people like shit.

Where did anybody say that is does!??

EnthusiasmIsDisturbed · 30/03/2017 11:07

No white people (as we are talking about race as in different races ) have not

Prejudice yes

GuinessPunch · 30/03/2017 11:11

Lots of people find it ok to say "mixed race babies are always cute/are the cutest ".
I have heard that so many times.

Flipthebirdy · 30/03/2017 11:16

fern, Chris Do you know each other?

Italiangreyhound · 30/03/2017 11:26

wise words fernanie.

fernanie · 30/03/2017 11:33

fern, Chris Do you know each other?
Not that I'm aware of. But I don't know any of my RL friends' MN identities so who knows? Grin

Where did anybody say that is does!??
My mistake - I was reading into an earlier comment about the impact of historical power abuses on society today. I hear this argument used so often to justify race-based abuse of white people that I (wrongly) projected that interpretation onto the comment.

brickinitIam · 30/03/2017 11:33

I know this comment wasn't directed at me but as a non-white mother of non-white kids I just despair of this logic. Being non-white doesn't give you a free pass to treat white people like shit. Yes there are centuries of oppression in our history. But hate doesn't drive out hate. The fact that someone's ancestors abused your ancestors isn't a reason to make assumptions about them, generations later. That's one surefire way to perpetuate the cycle of racial hate.

Well said.
Some people have a very outdated view on what constitutes racism.
I'll say it once again, everybody is capable of being a racist. It doesn't matter what colour you are.

nelipotter · 30/03/2017 11:50

kurrikurri word. you said it.

ChrisYoungFuckingRocks · 30/03/2017 12:09

I'm a she Fernanie - you're being sexist 😂😂😂. And no, we don't know each other, at least I think not lol. You could be the mom I chat to every day on the school run!

You've said it really well Grin. One of the reasons I left SA was because I was being persecuted for my skin colour. My late husband (who was British) was told to get out or he'd get killed.

The fact that someone's ancestors abused your ancestors isn't a reason to make assumptions about them, generations later. That's one surefire way to perpetuate the cycle of racial hate.

And there's the crux of the matter. Unless people start accepting that most of the world isn't racist, and that we're all just normal peopole who want to live normal lives with normal friends of all colours and persuasions, this will never end. A white person should be able to say a black baby is cute without everyone thinking you're doing it just to sound PC. People should be able to joke with each other without being slammed. And you know what? I can have a laugh and a joke with my black and coloured friends (and they with me), and nobody gets offended. But say the same things to a fellow white person, and they get highly offended on behalf of all coloured people everywhere!

Flipthebirdy · 30/03/2017 12:14

I get that if the comment was 'white babies are the cutest' everyone (who doesn't already) would find it easier to understand how the comment is offensive. People often consider other races to be more victimised and so stand up for other races more than they would for white people. Yes, white people can experience racism/prejudice/discrimination - the labels complicate things but we all understand offensive.

...not sure if I'm articulating myself very well.

icedgem85 · 30/03/2017 12:15

He's made a race-based generalisation and that is, by definition - in literal terms, racist. It's positive stereotyping, examples: mixed race babies are the cutest, she's Chinese she must be good at maths, black people have rhythm etc etc... just because it's positive in this case doesn't mean it isn't racist. Some people have stated that it's offensive to people with non-Asian babies - that's not really the problem here. Even positive stereotyping depersonalises and marginalises people. However, it was a well meaning comment and - in my opinion - there was no need to complain about it.

Megabeth · 30/03/2017 12:56

Racists believe their race is superior so the man wasn't being racist. I'm mixed black and white and there are teenage siblings in my son's school who have a white parent and a Japanese parent. These two kids are stunning looking and in my opinion this mix produces beautiful people (see Jenson Button's ex wife). I don't think I'm racist having this opinion.

I would be offended however if someone said ALL black women have big bums.

BillSykesDog · 30/03/2017 13:05

I think it's racist too. A bit 'all Asian babies are cute because they all look the same eque.'

BillSykesDog · 30/03/2017 13:06

Esque! Feckin' autocorrect.

Megabeth · 30/03/2017 13:09

Would like to add that we have far greater issues to tackle like the rise of Islamaphobia.
Hope the poor guy will be treated fairly by HR as this kind of thing can actually incite racial division.

fernanie · 30/03/2017 13:13

I'm a she Fernanie - you're being sexist 😂😂😂.

Oh no - all my hidden "isms" are being uncovered today!! 🙈🙊
My apologies! Flowers (presumably you do like flowers, being female and all... 😂)

brickinitIam · 30/03/2017 13:14

I would be offended however if someone said ALL black women have big bums.

So basically you're saying if it's a positive comment it's not racist, but anything else is racist.

So if someone says
White children look the cutest because they usually have big blue or green eyes, which makes them look really cute
That's ok right? Because by your reckoning I've said something positive.

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