AIBU - no idea if this was racist?

[thisIsMyNewUserName]

I'm narrowing myself down to a few hundred people (in theory) so want to be careful with identifying myself in real life.

Someone made a complaint about a colleague. During a meeting, babies were discussed. He said something like "Well, Asian ones are by far the cutest". Someone made a complaint and he has a meeting with HR next week about it. They suggested he contact a union rep should he wish as well as including a pdf of various policies within the company which I think points to bad news.

He's white, BTW. His wife is too and they've a 6 month old blonde-haired, blue-eyes daughter

I think he was at absolute worst a little immature but am interested in a consensus. AIBU thinking he should be given the benefit of the doubt? He's expecting to be hung, drawn and quartered.

Asmoto and Italiangreyhound
(great names by the way)

I can't agree. Anonymous complaints are cowardly and counterproductive. It makes me quite angry that people creep off to 'complain' to a third party instead of being open and direct.

For goodness sake, have the common decency and honesty to talk to people.

user1490828037 some people do not feel able to complain publically. Especially if the perosn they are complaining about is senior to them or very popular (and they are not).

Being very senior or very popular and not wanting to have anyone make anonymous complaints against one could be construed as being 'cowardly', couldn't it?

The key feature is:
is the complaint true?

Once it is established that something is true, then the next thing to say is:
what should the consequence be?

I think the original comment (in the OP) is incredibly minor and I would not expect there to be any consequences for such a comment except maybe 'Do you think this is appropriate in the work place?'

Because I don't think it is appropriate to talk about Well, Asian ones are by far the cutest" in work.

But aside from that I would not expect there to be any issues.

What about whistle blowing in the work place? OK with that being anonymous?

Reporting crimes? OK with that being anonymous?

Sometimes allowing things to be done anonymously is the only way for people to be wiling to say what is happening/has happened.

I really hope if I were caught out saying something inappropriate at work that my first thought would be to say sorry for offending someone (or to defend why I said it) rather than to be wondering who it actually was who reported it.

But you are welcome to disagree with me.

I don't think it's inappropriate in a work chat but all of us if we upset someone don't want to do that so if we know that particular person has a bee in their bonnet about this tiny minor issue then we won't say it again. After this thread I certainly won't say to anyone with a cute black or asian baby with loads of that gorgeous black hair that that's lovely! Nor will I say they look as ugly as sin.

Also we all need to remember all parents think their babies are the best looking on birth so it's always best to agree.

What a load of tosh. Hope it gets thrown out.

A racist comment comes from the intent behind it, surely. Can't see any here.
Poor bloke.

Not racist, it was a positive, harmless comment. A little ignorant perhaps but not something to potentially lose his job over.

I'd hate to work where you do. People must be scared to fart in the wrong tone

EnormousTiger "After this thread I certainly won't say to anyone with a cute black or asian baby with loads of that gorgeous black hair that that's lovely! Nor will I say they look as ugly as sin."

Can you see a difference between saying to someone something like "Your baby is really cute, I love their hair"
and "All black/Asian/Chinese/whatever babies are cute."

I've travelled in and lived in countries where I was in a minority in terms of race/skin colour. I've had people stare at me, a child came up and brushed my arm, they clearly thought I was a novelty, I've had people say things that implied all white people looked alike. It didn't really bother me but I can imagine if I were always in a minority, and always had been, it might be more trying to be lumped in with everyone else who shared a skin colour with me.

PollytheDolly "A racist comment comes from the intent behind it, surely." I would agree that often what is intended is the point but I do think some people can be offensive without meaning to be.

I can see a difference but I don't think it's racist. It is pointing out the truth. I like red hair and if I said I adore red haired babies that would just be a fact just like someone might say they like tall dark and handsome men.

I don't think pointing out someone is a novelty means someone is racist although we always need to be careful how people will receive the comments we make. I remember taking my children to the Kuna indians who had not on that island seen a white blonde child before (one of mine) and what started out as tourists (us and others with us) buying stuff from the localswith the locals as exhibit in a sense was turned right around - they have loads of albinos so to see my son who was white blonde but not albino was fascinating for them. We have had Japanese wanting to photograph the very blondest of my children too.

Anyway I don't think anyone thinking babies of another race are cute is racist and few people would mean it to be so either nor would most people find it offensive but it sounds like we need to be careful about saying XYZ babies are cute. Perhaps if we just go round saying they are all ugly and awful we will get in less trouble.

I can see a difference but I don't think it's racist. It is pointing out the truth.

People have pointed out truths to uphold racist and prejudiced beliefs throughout history, for segregation in America, to keep women out of professions and all sorts. It's an opinion - some people will agree, others won't. But it's not a truth.

I don't think it's racist? It was a positive statement.

Believe it or not, when you are white, even flattering and positive statements about anyone of a different race, or about another race in general is considered racist in some quarters.

In the workplace especially, it's best be on the safe side at all times and never make mention of any other race, even in the most general terms, ever. It's the only safe thing to do.

sorry, should just qualify this

even flattering and positive statements about anyone of a different race....

by adding 'when the comment relates to an aspect or characteristic of their race, or their racial appearance.'

Obviously it's perfectly okay to say nice positive things about people of a different race, so long as their race has no bearing on the statement.

By definition it is racist but surely with all the things that minority groups still have to put up with such a comment wouldn't even register. I can't imagine Asian parents being outraged at a white person saying there babies are the cutest maybe a discussion about showing disgrestion in conversation but beyond that I think it's a bit of a non issue.

This happened almost a week ago. Surely the HR stuff should be over by now?

I think puppies are cuter than babies misses the point of the thread because it's making my head hurt