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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU - no idea if this was racist?

288 replies

thisIsMyNewUserName · 29/03/2017 16:24

I'm narrowing myself down to a few hundred people (in theory) so want to be careful with identifying myself in real life.

Someone made a complaint about a colleague. During a meeting, babies were discussed. He said something like "Well, Asian ones are by far the cutest". Someone made a complaint and he has a meeting with HR next week about it. They suggested he contact a union rep should he wish as well as including a pdf of various policies within the company which I think points to bad news.

He's white, BTW. His wife is too and they've a 6 month old blonde-haired, blue-eyes daughter

I think he was at absolute worst a little immature but am interested in a consensus. AIBU thinking he should be given the benefit of the doubt? He's expecting to be hung, drawn and quartered.

OP posts:
brickinitIam · 29/03/2017 16:55

If a colleague were to have said

''White babies are the cutest'' there would be screams of
RACIST!

And yet,
''Asian ones are by far the cutest".

is not?

Only on MN do people have double standards.

harderandharder2breathe · 29/03/2017 16:56

Inappropriate definitely. Racist, I guess technically, although not something I could bring myself to get worked up about. The reaction sounds out of proportion but if someone has made a complaint they will have to follow their procedures and policies.

Whiterabbitears · 29/03/2017 16:56

My kids are mixed white and Asian and my colleagues often comment that they are gorgeous cut to being mixed/half Asian, I don't think its racist at all, and it doesn't offend me. I take it as a compliment, although obviously I can't speak for everyone. He doesn't deserve to get in trouble over it IMO.

brickinitIam · 29/03/2017 16:57

I've looked after lots of different babies, of lots of different nationalities and in my opinion

White babies are by far the cutest.

Is it OK for me to say that? Hmm

Neverknowing · 29/03/2017 16:57

Ooh I'm intrigued. I'm a makeup / skincare artist and have said before that I really like working on Asian women because I think they're beautiful, is that racist?! I guess I would think it's racist if someone said white women are the most beautiful.

MaisyPops · 29/03/2017 16:59

Not racist.
Probably not a topic/comment for meetings either.

If someone was being overly sensitive thrn a quiet word of 'in future probs just aboid that kind of comment' would be enough

Totally blown out of proportion

brickinitIam · 29/03/2017 16:59

I guess I would think it's racist if someone said white women are the most beautiful.

But why?

People need to examine their double standards.

KurriKurri · 29/03/2017 16:59

I think the question is 'am I making a sweeping generalization based on race' and the answer in this instance is yes - it's an opinion, but an opinion based on the race of a baby, it is a positive statement in some ways but again it is based on race, and completely unfounded in fact.

So if someone said ' your baby is cute because he/she is white' I would find that a racist statement. 'Your baby is cute because he/she is Asian' is equally racist. And effectively that is what you are saying - race of baby = level of cuteness. It's a stereotype and a false one. All babies are different, some (virtually all) are cute, some possibly less so, but race has nothing to do with it.

It;s not a question of 'policing every statement'. it a question of not making generalisations based on race. That's not hard - either to do or to understand.
It is so easy to just say 'babies are really cute' and not refer to race at all.

brickinitIam · 29/03/2017 17:01

I have a friend who is a professional photographer.

He says that white people are easier to photograph and make for a better picture than black people.
It's all to do with lighting apparently.

Is that racist?

Or is he simply stating a fact.

DancingDragon · 29/03/2017 17:01

Its an opinion. Jeez. I happen to think red haired men are the cutest. Well lots of them anyway, theres alway the odd exception. Does that make me a racist too?

Aeroflotgirl · 29/03/2017 17:03

How is it racist 🙄. It was a positive statement, it was a matter of opinion.

brickinitIam · 29/03/2017 17:03

It is so easy to just say 'babies are really cute' and not refer to race at all.

I agree. There is no need to refer to race.

and that's why the OP's colleague was being racist.

CaseyAtTheBat · 29/03/2017 17:03

Ooh I'm intrigued. I'm a makeup / skincare artist and have said before that I really like working on Asian women because I think they're beautiful, is that racist?

Yes, because you've put a billion women into one category, as if they are all the same. Are all asian women beautiful? Of course not, so why would you say they are?

AChickenCalledKorma · 29/03/2017 17:04

Only on MN do people have double standards

Now that's definitely not true!

Asmoto · 29/03/2017 17:04

I think it's as much about whether Asian parents would want their babies to fall under a sweeping definition of being 'the cutest'. Does every parent want 'cuteness' to define their child? It has rather patronising overtones, and also suggests the classic bigoted outlook 'they all look the same to me'.

brickinitIam · 29/03/2017 17:04

How is it racist 🙄. It was a positive statement, it was a matter of opinion.

Would you be OK with the colleage saying ''I find white babies really cute''

That's a positive statement.

OttoChocoLab · 29/03/2017 17:05

In who's weird, messed up head would that comment be racist? Ffs.

It wouldn't be racist if he'd said 'black/white/ginger/Indian/freckled/alien babies are the cutest' either.

Are we allowed to say ANYTHING anymore without some stupid arse of a person being offended?

brickinitIam · 29/03/2017 17:06

I think it's as much about whether Asian parents would want their babies to fall under a sweeping definition of being 'the cutest'.

I've seen some godawful ugly looking Asian babies, as well as some extremely cute Asian babies.
So why make a generalized 'all Asian babies are cute' statement.

You're lumping everybody together and stereotyping them.

brickinitIam · 29/03/2017 17:07

Not you particularly.

Aeroflotgirl · 29/03/2017 17:07

How about, I prefer thin men with hair, same thing. There was nothing negative about it. He did not say white babies.

CaseyAtTheBat · 29/03/2017 17:09

Are people really suggesting that because its an opinion, it can't be racist? Or is it that its positive that you're confused?

Replace all asian babies are cute with all asian babies are ugly. Is the latter acceptable office banter?

Italiangreyhound · 29/03/2017 17:09

It's racist, and a stupid thing to say in a meeting or anyplace else where people may be listening.

But I think it would just be helpful to explain to him why this is in appropriate and then move on.

Asmoto · 29/03/2017 17:09

I prefer thin men with hair

Most people wouldn't consider that an appropriate opinion to express in a meeting at work, though.

OttoChocoLab · 29/03/2017 17:10

It is so easy to just say 'babies are really cute' and not refer to race at all.

I agree. There is no need to refer to race.

and that's why the OP's colleague was being racist.

Jesus, are you actually serious?

It's his opinion that Asian babies are the cutest babies. So what? Is he not allowed that opinion?

Why the hell is it racist? Is it offensive because we're not allowed to mention anyone's race anymore? Or is it offensive because it's racist to any baby who isn't Asian because he might think they're not as cute?

The mind boggles.

shovetheholly · 29/03/2017 17:10

OK, well if we're going to be pedantic, he didn't say "All Asian babies are cute" he said "Asian babies are the cutest" - which doesn't imply an "all", just that if there are a set of babies in each race, and a subset of those are cute, then the Asian cute ones are the cutest of all. Therefore it's not a blanket generalisation, philosophically speaking.

I don't think it's racist personally. At least, if it is, then my Asian best friend often says the same thing! Smile