AIBU - no idea if this was racist?

[thisIsMyNewUserName]

I'm narrowing myself down to a few hundred people (in theory) so want to be careful with identifying myself in real life.

Someone made a complaint about a colleague. During a meeting, babies were discussed. He said something like "Well, Asian ones are by far the cutest". Someone made a complaint and he has a meeting with HR next week about it. They suggested he contact a union rep should he wish as well as including a pdf of various policies within the company which I think points to bad news.

He's white, BTW. His wife is too and they've a 6 month old blonde-haired, blue-eyes daughter

I think he was at absolute worst a little immature but am interested in a consensus. AIBU thinking he should be given the benefit of the doubt? He's expecting to be hung, drawn and quartered.

chris there really was/is racism in camera and film design. Check out [[https://petapixel.com/2015/09/19/heres-a-look-at-how-color-film-was-originally-biased-toward-white-people/]]

I'll start this by saying I am white. Recently I was in a meeting and a colleague was showing a picture of his little boy.

She is mixed race and her partner is black. I made the comment 'why aren't white babies that cute? "

We all found it funny and moved on.

Absolutely nothing is wrong with that comment.

It isn't racist at all.

Serial I agree it's a complicated issue, but I do think people who dismiss an entire race - whether it's their own race or not - as unattractive, are displaying racism.

hellejuice Please don't take this as a judgemental comment, but I would have cringed inwardly at that remark if I'd been in your meeting - however, I doubt I would have said anything; I'd have seen it as a well-intentioned gaffe that was best moved on from quickly.

The point I'm making is that people don't always speak out if they hear comments they're uncomfortable with - particularly if, in a work situation, there are seniors there who are laughing along.

Serial, I know what you mean. I worked with a white girl once, who was absolutely stunning with a knock out figure. She said she only dated black men, because she liked men with big dicks, and black men have big dicks. So this couldn't have been racist, as she was white and dated black men. On the other hand, she generalised a whole race on the size of their dicks, so that probably was racist.

Im part Asian and I'm not offended. Are my children super cute? Hell yeah! Hahahhaha. Truth be told - when I see a blonde haired blue eyed baby they are so bloody gorgeous! (Wonder if I am racist!!)

It's not racist - and certainly wasn't meant as racist. I had a discussion with a woman at work and opined that I thought black babies were cutest (she's black, I'm white). She said she didn't see this from her perspective and thought Chinese babies were cutest.

Thanks for the link Morphene. Wow, that is interesting reading . One learns something new every day.

This is so complicated and confusing

It's not at all. It's so depressing that so many think its just fine to put a billion people, of all different types, into one category and make sweeping generalisations about them.

Kimann - my DTDs are blonde haired and blue eyed, and they're super cute and gorgeous. DTD1s best friend is black with a super afro, and she's super cute and gorgeous .

make sweeping generalisations about them. Like what I live through on a regular basis. I'm a white South African living in England. Because I'm a white South African everybody assumes I MUST be racist. I have white friends, I have black friends, I have Indian friends, I have Chinese friends. I'm not a racist, but I'm Saffa, so I must be .

I don't think it was racist at all. I always say how I love ginger babies, especially ginger girl babies, I absolutely love ginger hair and have ruined my hair through years of trying to get from dark brown to ginger with home dyes when I was younger .
Does that make me prejudice against ginger people, or against all non ginger people

I think with your colleague bringing race into it your place of work are reacting OTT for fear they get themselves done for not reacting at all.

Summer 'ginger' isn't a race, though. Anyone of any race could dye their hair ginger!

Ginger is not a race.

People with ginger hair have not been persecuted, enslaved and treated unequally for centuries.

Can you not see a difference and understand why those who have this historical background may be sensitive to any remark which stereotypes a particular group of people ?

The fact that now some people think that if they use a 'positive' stereotype that is OK shows a failure to understand the years of negative stereotypes that led to ill treatment and even genocide. The idea is that no stereotypes are good - people are people and they are all different.

HR need to have a word with the complainant for stirring up trouble. Not racist at all.

I think another reason it can grate is that people will go googoo over Asian and mixed babies, but once they are teenagers (or even kids) they will experience racism because of those very same gorgeous skin tones. I agree that it also suggests all Asian babies or all mixed babies look the same.

Hellejuice Can you be sure they found it as funny as you did? People from ethnic minorities are well-used to disguising their discomfort. Could you not have complimented their baby without making it about their ethnicity? To me, that comment would suggest my baby is only cute because he's mixed race.

Tap We already have a culture where people are often afraid to speak out against ingrained prejudices in the workplace - this is not what a HR department should be doing.

And yes 'not finding black men attractive' is offensive. All black men do not look the same. The one thing they have in common is the colour of their skin

I don't agree with this. People have general preferences about what they find attractive. At the age of 30, I have never felt attracted to a short man and can say with a fair amount of confidence that I do not find short men attractive.

Yes I know that height is not a protected characteristic but essentially the same thing. I don't shout about it but I feel the way I feel and you can't really help what you find attractive on a basic level.

Yes Sophia, perfectly put.

Can you be sure they found it as funny as you did? Yh, cos all us asians would be mortally offended at this and not have confidence to say so. Please stop making assumptions for some/all/anybody. Its bloody insulting. Its people like the complainant that really grind on me, taking offence where absolutely none was intended.

People with ginger hair have not been persecuted, enslaved and treated unequally for centuries.

Even in the 1500's (and probably further back), people with red hair were seen to be unlucky. If they were the first ones to enter a house, that was considered extremely bad luck. Even today ginger kids get teased and bullied.

Serial Someone having a preference is not the same as someone saying they don't find ANY men of a particular race attractive.
I'm interested to know what it is that pp finds unattractive about all black men-does she find all black women and black children less beautiful as well??

The Asian thing is grating on me- Chinese people look nothing like Indian people, for example, so what are some posters even on about??

I think a lot of it is ignorance rather than racist- a lot, not all.

I think this racism thing has been taken to the extreme. People are so scared to say anything at all in case it offends someone somewhere. And sometimes a joke is just a joke. It doesn't have some dark secret agenda.

Nobody is scared to say anything, what a load of shit.

Is it so difficult not to stereotype people based on their race? There is no need to, so why are you so bothered that you aren't "allowed to" anymore?