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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to expect people not to leave there seats because I am fat

283 replies

DUFFDADDY1 · 28/03/2017 08:04

On numerous cases I get on a very busy train and I notice a vacant seat between two people, when I have done this I have had looks as if I have some contagious tropical disease. Or I have mega huffs and strange noises of discontent, or as happend today the person got up and stood until another seat was available . I am overweight, but you will catch it if I sit near you👹

OP posts:
MrsDesireeCarthorse · 28/03/2017 15:37

"Encroaching into their seat" means nicking part of their seat and pressing up against them. Of course people move, duh. Of course people don't want to sit next to someone too big to fit without squashing against them. Of course people want a whole seat to themselves rather than sharing it with a total stranger (who hasn't even asked).

Duh.

Lweji · 28/03/2017 15:45

To ask them to move to the next seat along highlighting ( as I have done before) informing them that I may crush them if I sit in the middle

It will sound better if you just ask if they could please sit along the seat, so that you can also sit down.

What you proposed sounds like a threat and won't be well received at all.

Lweji · 28/03/2017 15:47

It's a good thing I have sharp elbows when people aren't considerate and encroach enough on my space that I don't sit comfortably. I don't mind touching, just when I can't sit straight.

FrenchLavender · 28/03/2017 15:47

WTF is this spillover into weightism? I have the same right as anyone else to sit . Due to paying for it.

Of course you do, and if go get to the seat first meaning there is not enough room for the second or third person then fair enough. But if it's a seat for 3 and two people are already on it, you must be able to judge by the size of the remaining gap whether you can fit there without causing discomfort and embarrassment to the people either side of you?

If you are very large and insist on shoehorning yourself into a space that is inadequate for your size then you can hardly blame people if they prefer to move away from you than to be squashed by you. They are too polite to tell you to sit move so they move themselves, and you're still not happy? Hmm

FrenchLavender · 28/03/2017 15:48

you get

manicinsomniac · 28/03/2017 15:49

Some really horrible responses on here.

I don't think the people on the train who moved were necessarily being unreasonable. They may have been uncomfortable, physically or emotionally, and they shouldn't have to put up with discomfort just to spare someone's feelings. Personally, I don't really think of the middle seat as a seat at all, more a barrier between the other two. I wouldn't sit in the middle of two people already occupying the other two and I'm 5ft and a size 4. But that' my personal decision and not necessarily any more 'right' than the OPs (we don't know his dimensions)

But the nasty comments about over weight people in general and the OP in particular are way over the top. Larger people have no choice but take their weight with them. They can't leave it in the luggage rack or put it under their seat.

I hate travelling with my mum (size 26 at least) because I can feel her embarrassment and shame. It's often okay because she can easily share my seat but, in some places, (tube, theatre etc where there are lots of seats in a row) it can be awful. I have seen the appalled looks, eye rolls and sniggers and it makes me feel hurt and sick so goodness knows how she feels. We both have eating disorders but because mine has made me 6 stone and hers has made her (I'm guessing, have no idea) 20 stone then she is somehow the one that's unacceptable and ok to ridicule? It's so uneccessary and unfair. Many fat people shame themselves every day, they don't need other people to do it for them.

It's a bit like the eternal 'wheelchair on a bus' argument - If you find your space 'encroached' on by a large person then it will likely be a less comfortable journey than you anticipated. It might be an awful journey, you might have to move, you might be squashed or feel 'disgusted' etc. But it's one journey. Your next one will probably be fine. The overweight person has to face doing that to person after person every time they make a journey and they can't escape it.

JustSpeakSense · 28/03/2017 15:51

Surely you understand you are taking up more than just one seat, encroaching on someone else's space, that is why they get up and move.

RhiWrites · 28/03/2017 15:58

Hi Duff Daddy, either you're a journalist or you've got balls of steel. No, I would not recommend suggesting they move to avoid being crushed. Grin

fourteenlittleducks · 28/03/2017 15:58

fourteen Do you only lean on overweight people? If you don't want them to sit down then ask them not to and they will laugh at you deliberately touching them is far more obnoxious that if it's an accident

I only lean if they're already touching me (applies to anyone regardless of size). If someone tries to invade your space don't hunch away and let them fill it! Don't try and make yourself smaller. If you protect your space by not huddling up, they will either shift their position or find another seat. Same with manspreading, they can't do it if you unless you move your leg!

JonesyAndTheSalad · 28/03/2017 16:00

Rhi, DuffDaddy is NOT a journalist. Have you seen his spelling!?

AnUtterIdiot · 28/03/2017 16:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lweji · 28/03/2017 16:02

If you protect your space by not huddling up, they will either shift their position or find another seat.

It helps to suddenly get the urge to look for something in your handbag.

OP, do you also sit by dropping your weight on the seat, thus making lighter people jump? (it's a bugbear of mine)

PollyPerky · 28/03/2017 16:05

Duff not only do you think you are entitled to a eat, you come over as being simply entitled!

You just don't get it do you?

The middle seat is always empty. Now why do you think that is?

I'm a size 8. I'd think twice about sitting in the middle seat of 3. This is because I know people don't want to be that close to another human being they don't know.

The 3 seats in a row on older trains were designed long before 70% of people were overweight or obese. Even then, it was a tight squeeze.

TBH I'd rather stand than squash in between 2 strangers and play knee touching for the journey.

You seem totally unaware of what you are doing. Like when fat people sit next to me on 2-seat trains and I'm squashed up by the window. You possibly don't notice how my shoulders become rounded, how I edge away alittle so I don't keep touching the person's thighs or get knocked in the face if they turn the pages of Metro or whatever.

Just get a bit of empathy for your fellow passengers and make the world a happier place.

PollyPerky · 28/03/2017 16:06

Oh and I forgot- how can you compare a bag on a seat with a human being? A bag can be moved if someone asks to sit down. The owner puts it on their lap or on the floor.

Original poster
DUFFDADDY1 · 28/03/2017 16:13

No I am not a journalist. My spelling errors may be to do with my fat fingers hitting more than letter( that's my excuse)
Also I am back on the train , there is a guy ( slimish) sitting on the gangway seat so far over I nearly had an injury, just trying to pass him??
And yes I have asked people if they would want to move so I don't crush them.
I have got to say it amazes my how rude and presumptuous people can be I.E. FAT MEANS UNCLEAN.

OP posts:
ErrolTheDragon · 28/03/2017 16:17

DuffDaddy is NOT a journalist. Have you seen his spelling!?

Have you never read the Guardian?Grinthough this 'story' doesn't seem like their style.

Original poster
DUFFDADDY1 · 28/03/2017 16:20

I do appreciate the journaling in the Guardian.

OP posts:
SailAwaySailAwaySailAway · 28/03/2017 16:22

No one has said fat means unclean. I defy you to find a post that says that. You are conflating the two because you want to fan your massive sense of entitlement. Sulk away.

TheDevilMadeMeDoIt · 28/03/2017 16:22

DUFFDADDY may I offer you two words of advice? Stop posting. Because every time you post you sound worse.

Your problem can be summed up very simply. You are not prepared to show to other people the consideration you are demanding that they show to you.

Lweji · 28/03/2017 16:22

I.E. FAT MEANS UNCLEAN.

No, not goading at all.

Tapandgo · 28/03/2017 16:24

This must be a joke thread. Anybody must know that the average seats on public transport and aircraft are not designed for anybody bigger than average. If you are excessively overweight it is likely you are crushing the person next to you on a shared seat - small wonder they make some protest. It's not an insult to the overweight person - it's a sign of their discomfort. What is hard to understand about that?

SailAwaySailAwaySailAway · 28/03/2017 16:24

I've decided you're just a goady fucker end of, so I'm not returning to this thread. You've had plenty of sensible and thoughtful comments about your issues. If you don't want to think on those responses, it's your problem.

DioneTheDiabolist · 28/03/2017 16:29

Wah wah wah, how cruel is life (on trains) to victimise you so OP. People don't want you touching them. Catch yerself on and stop accusing other commuters of fat shaming just because they object to you rubbing yourself against them.

remoaniac · 28/03/2017 16:33

Personally, I don't really think of the middle seat as a seat at all, more a barrier between the other two. I wouldn't sit in the middle of two people already occupying the other two and I'm 5ft and a size 4

I don't generally, although if there are 3 people as small as me (and everyone takes their coats off) there is space. I generally find people are less fussy about the middle seat if there have been problems with the trains and the trains are packed - then the middle seat gets taken, without exception. But trying to squash a big body into those tiny seats is ludicrous.

PollyPerky · 28/03/2017 16:34

It's a wind up. It could be a journo pretending to have poor spelling to pull the wool over our eyes.
Keep an eye on the Fail .