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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to expect people not to leave there seats because I am fat

283 replies

DUFFDADDY1 · 28/03/2017 08:04

On numerous cases I get on a very busy train and I notice a vacant seat between two people, when I have done this I have had looks as if I have some contagious tropical disease. Or I have mega huffs and strange noises of discontent, or as happend today the person got up and stood until another seat was available . I am overweight, but you will catch it if I sit near you👹

OP posts:
OliviaStabler · 28/03/2017 08:20

Sorry but for me I don't want another person encroaching on my space and me having to sit there with their arms and legs pressed against me.

UptheChimne · 28/03/2017 08:22

I really dislike it when a man seems to "rub up" against me, because men encroach on other people's space thoughtlessly (spread legs etc). I never know whether he's doing it on purpose as a kind of groping - because that is my experience of men encroaching on my personal space: they do it deliberately as a form of sexual harassment.

You need to learn to sit narrow, and not take up other people's space.

PollyPerky · 28/03/2017 08:22

But you don't have a right to invade personal space and make others feel uncomfortable, so they can't read a paper, or use their phone.

I really really resent some man who might be 20 st sitting next to me on a 2-seat pair of seats taking up part of MY space as well as his own. I feel very uncomfortable.

Trifleorbust · 28/03/2017 08:22

Is this a goady thread?

Of course you have a right to sit. Others have the same right when they have paid for a seat. If you encroach into their space, it is natural for them to object.

FlyingElbows · 28/03/2017 08:22

Come on, op, we fatties shouldn't be out in public. We should be at home, under the bed, being suitably ashamed of ourselves! Or some such shite.

elessar · 28/03/2017 08:23

You have the same right to sit as anyone else, but arguably you have the right to sit in a single seat. If your size means you take up more than the room of a single seat, then you're encroaching on other people and they're entitled to be annoyed by it.

How big are you? It sounds like you're squashing people and that's unpleasant - nothing to do with you personally.

Starduke · 28/03/2017 08:23

You haven't acknowledged that you might be squashing the other person. No-one likes being pressed up against a stranger. That is all.

SailAwaySailAwaySailAway · 28/03/2017 08:23

And YABU if you think that people should stay in their seats just to suit you. Do you smell?

LaContessaDiPlump · 28/03/2017 08:23

OP, you have as much right to a seat as anyone else. However, you can't police other people's reactions - you have a right to sit down, and they have a right to decide that actually (for whatever reason) they'd rather stand/move etc. I can see how this would hurt your feelings and sympathise, but would you rather that they forced themselves to stay in a situation they find comfortable?

EdmundCleverClogs · 28/03/2017 08:23

I'll bite.

I'm a bit overweight (size 14-16), and I'm aware that I would not sit comfortably between two people. I really wouldn't attempt it. However on more than one occasion I've had obviously big people seem to be completely unaware of the concept of personal space. Had people practically sit on my knee, a woman the other day had her arm in my boobs Blush. I really hate having strangers that close to me, though I understand that sometimes needs must. Would just be nice if some people could be aware of how much space they realistically take up.

BarbarianMum · 28/03/2017 08:24

Hmm Can't imagine why you encroaching into the adjacent seat would piss off the person sitting there. Who wouldn't want to be squeezed out of the seat they've paid for?

confusedat23 · 28/03/2017 08:24

To be honest OP... My dad is a very large man, I mean 5xl at his largest. So I am not in any way shaming you for being Fat.

But if you see a seat between 2 people on a train and you know you will not fit (Which I am sure you would be aware of because even my dad was aware of how big he was at his biggest) why do you continue to sit in it and force other people to move?

This whole post is about how unconsiderate the people ALREADY sitting down are to you when you sit down simply because you are fat. The problem is not that they have a problem with you being fat it's that they are forced to move from a seat they have claimed first or sit and be squished for the rest of their journey.

You will get this same reaction if you have a lot of bags you are carrying or a big coat which gets in peoples way. I think your immediate defencive on the fact you are fat shows more about how you want to change yourself then abotu other peoples opinions.

TizzyDongue · 28/03/2017 08:25

I find male entitlement to my space (for example man spreading, elbows over the armrest or widely holding out a broadsheet) more irritating than sitting next to a person who is bigger than their seat and egding into mine.

PollyPerky · 28/03/2017 08:25

I suggest you stand OP. It uses more calories and then your problem will be solved, in time :)

Screwinthetuna · 28/03/2017 08:25

It's like when you are sitting on a plane and a large person sits next to you...it's not that you don't like overweight people, it's that you don't want some strangers arm and leg touching you or taking up your space

MangoSplit · 28/03/2017 08:26

Yes you do. And other people have the right to move seats if they wish.

Edballsisoneniftydancer · 28/03/2017 08:27

I am visibly overweight but not (quite) into overspill territory.

Let me share a little anecdote with you. I was sitting in a theatre (seats reasonably wide. no arms between them). Skinny little whippet arrives with her boyfriend, eyes me and takes her sit and sits practically sideways, bum practically on my lap but top half leaning toward her (I assume ) partner on her other side.

I don't think I was reading too much into it to think she was setting a marker just in case I was thinking in terms of adding another few pounds in the course of the show and (shock horror) spreading into her seat. So she kinda got her retaliation in early.

Gallavich you would have LOVED her!!!

Not really sure of the point I am making other than to say at I am FED UP with smaller people thinking they own the moral high ground.

As you were. And OP if they want to stand when there is in fact room for them to stay seated, then let them.

EmpressOfTheSpartacusOceans · 28/03/2017 08:28

As for bags on seats? Unforgivable.

I wouldn't do bag on other seat. What I do do, particularly when sitting next to manspreaders, is bag partly on my lap, just so that the whole of my seat is covered and there's no space to spread into.

Edballsisoneniftydancer · 28/03/2017 08:29

Do you know in my original post Pollyperky I put in a slightly snide remark about your post but decided to delete it. Having seen your spiteful update I wish I'd let it stand.

But no, Ed.....you are bigger and better than that!

ChrisYoungFuckingRocks · 28/03/2017 08:29

I feel for you. I am a large lady. I was on a flight once, and got seated next to a man who was obviously a fit freak. He looked at me as if I'd stepped in dogpoo on the way in, huffed, puffed and was quite obviously disgusted. I didn't spill over onto his seat in any way (I was at the window). A bit after takeoff I went to the loo, to find man gone and his wife in his place. He'd actually swapped seats with his wife because he didn't want to sit next to me!

Crumbs1 · 28/03/2017 08:29

Actually Gallavich whilst not a protected characteristic, fatness can be a disability - try telling someone on high dose steroids it's just an Americanism.

Miserylovescompany2 · 28/03/2017 08:30

I have HUGE sensory issues, I can't tolerate folk standing too close to me in a queue, never mind shoe-horning themselves into a seat next to me. I feel panicked. So, I would remove myself from the seat and stand.

Yes, you have as much right to everyone else to a seat. But, others might struggle especially if you consume more space than your average Joe Blogs...

Goforit2017 · 28/03/2017 08:30

If a large man sat close to me on public transport I would hate it far more than if it was a woman.

PeaFaceMcgee · 28/03/2017 08:31

He's a size 24 and squeezing in between people. Yes you have a right to sit down but don't judge those who want more personal space. Not everyone wants to be squashed up against someone.

remoaniac · 28/03/2017 08:31

I have the same right as anyone else to sit . Due to paying for it

You don't have a right to a seat at all, actually, the ticket does not guarantee you a seat unless you've also reserved a seat.

And you don't have the right to encroach into other people's space - and as a male, not into the space of a female in particular.

There is, of course, for many overweight people without an underlying disability, the option of losing some weight so you don't encroach into other people's space.

I always make sure the arm-rest is down (where they exist) to try to stop people invading my space - not just because they are overweight but because they decide to read their newspaper with elbows out or whatever.

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