Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to expect people not to leave there seats because I am fat

283 replies

DUFFDADDY1 · 28/03/2017 08:04

On numerous cases I get on a very busy train and I notice a vacant seat between two people, when I have done this I have had looks as if I have some contagious tropical disease. Or I have mega huffs and strange noises of discontent, or as happend today the person got up and stood until another seat was available . I am overweight, but you will catch it if I sit near you👹

OP posts:
Goforit2017 · 28/03/2017 08:31

If Your body is actually touching the next person, that is the issue.

CrohnicallyPregnant · 28/03/2017 08:32

Reminds me of a story I read when I was little... it was about a woman who always needed 1 1/2 seats on a bus, so she made friends and travelled with with a small boy who could sit on the other 1/2 without being squished!

BoboChic · 28/03/2017 08:32

Perceptions of necessary personal space in order to feel comfortable vary considerably between individuals. I find close physical proximity to strangers very difficult so if someone large sits next to me on a train and encroaches on my personal space I would always move if I could.

Edballsisoneniftydancer · 28/03/2017 08:33

OP I am sorry but you have committed the cardinal societal sin of being overweight and not apologising for it. Just look at the venom flying around here...someone even suggesting you may smell. Look, the sooner you (and I ) take on board that we are awful awful people the happier we will all be.

Give me strength.....

Edballsisoneniftydancer · 28/03/2017 08:34

Oh and you are a bloke too. Unfor-bleeding-givable.

Original poster
DUFFDADDY1 · 28/03/2017 08:37

I do not get my kicks by sitting next to another person who I may or may not accidentally touch with my arm .
I am very clean . In the past people have moved and I sit on the end seat, but then there is as some say, I spill slightly in no the gangway.

OP posts:
SailAwaySailAwaySailAway · 28/03/2017 08:37

What rubbish Ed. If someone who was a size 8 was on here talking about 'numerous' people moving away on a train, I'd ask them if they smelled. You also have no idea of my size but if it suits you to attribute my question to size ism, you go ahead.

Edballsisoneniftydancer · 28/03/2017 08:38

Just to be clear...I am not sure that I would have the nerve to try and squeeze in between two already seated people...I would probably rather stand myself...but oh the self righteousness that is flying around here (not in every case but a fair few) . You can just feel it bouncing off the walls.

GreenPeppers · 28/03/2017 08:39

I am overweight OP and I actually wouldn't do what you are doing if knew it would mean that people would have to get up because ive, in effect, pushed them out.

As a general rule, people dont like to be touched by others (which is what is happening when you 'encroach' onto the other seats).
If people are at the point of getting up, that means too that you aren't slightly encroaching but you are pushing them out.

as for a 'right' to sit down. well maybe. But other people also have a right to their seat, a right you are not respecting. They have a right not to be touched wo their agreement, which you aren't respecting.

So, what do you think, are your 'right's trumping the rights of all other people?

Edballsisoneniftydancer · 28/03/2017 08:40

I was absolutely not attributing your comment to size-ism. I was just saying it was nasty, and the whole point is that it is totally irrelevant. But clearly you don't mince your words, so good on ya

ChrisYoungFuckingRocks · 28/03/2017 08:41

OP I am sorry but you have committed the cardinal societal sin of being overweight and not apologising for it. Just look at the venom flying around here...someone even suggesting you may smell. Look, the sooner you (and I ) take on board that we are awful awful people the happier we will all be.

Yep, we should all go hide in a dark closet somewhere. People assume that because you're big you must eat constantly and be lazy etc etc. They don't consider there may be a reason for the weight. I, for one, eat less than half of what my 8-year old DD eats, and can happily go four days without eating. There are reasons for my weight, and it's not overeating or lack of exercise.

Saying that though - if I know I won't comfortably fit into a seat, I would never force myself into it. I'd rather stand.

Fruitcocktail6 · 28/03/2017 08:43

People are hot and flustered on the train enough as it is. I can't stand people encroaching on my space, be it because they're overweight, man-spreading, or one of those people who lean over on the armrest.

You have a right to sit there, and they have a right to move if they're uncomfortable

WateryTart · 28/03/2017 08:43

You don't have a right to squash two other people. I always put the arms down for just this reason. I dislike being touched by strangers, being squashed by strangers is awful and very rude.

SailAwaySailAwaySailAway · 28/03/2017 08:43

It's not irrelevant at all. OP has posted about people moving away from him on trains. BO is a reasonable explanation for their behaviour and one that's very easy to fix

Edballsisoneniftydancer · 28/03/2017 08:44

Chrisyoung I LOVE you!!! We have so much in common...including (but not limited to) naming ourselves after admired slebs (sorry for calling Ed Balls a sleb, and Chris Young come to that, but you get my drift!)

GreenPeppers · 28/03/2017 08:44

fwiw OP, any man (because its always men btw) who sits next to me and encroach on my space can be sure to also have my elbows put into him.

Because, most of the time said people not only take up physical space (like my dh does and he isn't even 'fat') but also have no care what so ever about the person next to them. So they still spread their arms instead of keeping them close to themselves, read the paper taking up even more room, spread their legs etc...
And THAT I do very strongly object too.

UptheChimne · 28/03/2017 08:45

So in answer to some comments, I may slightly encroach

There's your answer. A man encroaching on other people's space. Hmmmm, such a nice thing on public transport. We want it! We want it!

Not.

NeedMoreSleepOrSugar · 28/03/2017 08:45

Some strange assumptions being made on this thread!

I don't like people I don't know sitting against me (ie touching or encroaching on personal space). I couldn't care less what physical size that person is, but obviously a larger person is more likely to do ago in the scenario you describe because they are bigger. That's not "weightist, that's simple physics. Hmm

Fozzleyplum · 28/03/2017 08:45

It's difficult to make a judgment without being there to see whether you were encroaching onto other seats.

I'm lucky enough not to have to commute as I usually work from home. However, a few years ago I sat on a flight next to an obese person whose thigh spilled under the armrest and onto my seat to a significant degree, and who sweated profusely. By the end of the flight, my trousers were soaked down one thigh with her sweat. It was revolting, even though I felt sorry for her.

ChrisYoungFuckingRocks · 28/03/2017 08:45

Well Edballs - 'Chris Young is bloody gorgeous with the best voice in country music Grin.

Edballsisoneniftydancer · 28/03/2017 08:46

Have it your way Sailawy but if that were a serious suggestion then OP would be awqare of people moving away from him under other cirx too.

This derailment (derailment, geddit....oh my sides) ends here.

You have a right to sit there, and they have a right to move if they're uncomfortable

Other people have said similar. Totally reasonable.

EastMidsMummy · 28/03/2017 08:46

Congratulations on being one of the 'good' overweight, ChrisYoung. Perhaps you could have a little badge made so everyone will know.

SomewhatIdiosyncratic · 28/03/2017 08:47

People pay for a seat. They are entitled to the space of that seat. No more, be it from their physical size, or spreading of their limbs and possessions.

I get claustrophobic in crowds. I struggle being close to people who are physically much bigger than me- that can include tall, slim people as my head may be about the height of their shoulder blades. It makes me feel hemmed in and breathless. That's not their problem, it's mine. But exceeding a normal range of personal space is unfair on others.

I was once on a theme park ride with a long bench seat. The person next to me was well into the obese category. As the ride started moving he ended up spreading so that he was well over my shoulder and thigh. It was horrible, and I was so relieved when he got off me when the ride finished. It was a very, very long 3 minutes.

People don't like having their personal space invaded, and to some people its the sensory equivalent of having a load of spiders tipped over them.

Starduke · 28/03/2017 08:47

But several PPs have said it's not about weight as such, it's about the fact that your body is squashing them in their seat. Whether it's because of being overweight or because of spreading legs open, or elbows whilst reading the paper.

Whatever the reason, if I was already sitting in a seat on a train and someone came and squashed me, I would not be very happy. It's rude.

GreenPeppers · 28/03/2017 08:48

For those who are overweight, I am too.
However, I have a major issue with the way the OP is behaving. Basically like a self entitled prick who expects people to make space for him, accept him encroaching on their space and should be happy for him to force himself onto a space he doesn't fit in.

If there isn't enough space, there isn't. Dont sit in it.