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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be furious ! And to ask how to respond to this email?

202 replies

ApoplecticRage · 27/03/2017 11:43

I'm NC with DH's sister and her husband - they have been vile to me in the past and can be openly rude and nasty.

I'm a sensitive person and against the brashness and entitled behaviour of DH's sister , I do not fare well and it makes me resentful and bitter of how they treat me - I've gone NC and I'm so much happier .

For context , I get on fabulously with other members of DH family including his parents and grandparents.

DH is well aware of my feelings and I've told him numerous times to ensure he facilitates contact with his niece (it was all done by me previously). He hasn't.

Yesterday was his niece's birthday. I've not seen DH's sister and her family for quite a while .

This morning I've received an email from DH sister asking why I forgot niece's birthday and says she was very upset (hard to believe as DH barely knows her ).

The email goes on to say how I am causing a rift in the family , how I make no effort with them and how it's impacting on the niece .

There was no mention of DH (her brother!) it was all my wrong doing.

It signs off with "please don't try to pass the buck on to (DH) - you know what men are like for dealing with these things!"

Angry Angry

DH is at work and I've text him asking if he sent a gift for neice - his reply :

"Oops I forgot - can you order something from Amazon?"

WIBU unreasonable to tell them both to get lost ?!

I thought I'd resolved the issue of everything being my fault when I went NC. Hmm

OP posts:
BarbaraofSeville · 27/03/2017 15:13

It would be extremely unusual for a working person to not have 5 minutes and access to a computer/tablet/smartphone during their working day or commute to buy something from Amazon, if they really wanted to.

Say what you like about Amazon, one thing they do well is make it extremely easy to buy stuff off them. You don't even need to mess about with that number off the back of your credit card like everywhere else we would all be fucked if they got hacked.

I've bought from there them while standing in queues at immigration, during service station stops, all sorts.

floraeasy · 27/03/2017 15:13

Your DH should be outraged his family is treating you so badly. Not adding to your problems.

floraeasy · 27/03/2017 15:14

Say what you like about Amazon, one thing they do well is make it extremely easy to buy stuff off them

Don't they just as I know only too well Wink

diddl · 27/03/2017 15:46

"Nor does it means you would know what to get."

Yes!

That's often the time onsuming bit, isn't it?

Now if he was asking Op to order X, that might be different, but he actually wants her to scroll through & choose, doesn't he?

If he's in contact more, he actually might have more idea about what his niece wants anyway!

And if he gets it wrong, he can take the flak!

GoodDayToYou · 27/03/2017 16:10

I would either not reply at all or reply with something very straight such as:

Dear sil

As you know, I am 'no contact' with you because you have been repeatedly rude and disrespectful towards me.

To clarify, I am no longer open to receiving any communication from you and I have now blocked you from messaging me again.

OP

Hissy · 27/03/2017 17:10

Don't bother with the cc, that's still contact.

Just forward the email to dh and leave it to him.

No contact is no contact. You don't have to worry about what she says/does/thinks anymore

frieda909 · 27/03/2017 17:31

I do think your husband is being very insensitive. Obviously I don't know the whole story but if he's supportive of you having no contact with his family then he should know that you really won't be happy selecting and ordering presents to be delivered to their address.

It always annoyed me that my ex would claim 'but you're just so organised' and 'you're better at this stuff than me'. He was the one with all the nieces and nephews, I don't have any. Why does having a vagina automatically make me better at choosing presents? And as for being 'more organised', it's really not like I have some magical memory for these things... I had just put their birthdays into the calendar on my phone years ago! They should really say what they mean: 'Can you please order something because I can't be arsed?'

Even when I was working abroad for a few months, thousands of miles from home, he would still message me asking me to order the kids presents for him.

ProseccoBitch · 27/03/2017 17:52

AnneofCleavage if you read the full thread you'll get the answer to your question.

Smurfpoo · 27/03/2017 17:59

I would be tempted to reply with a copy and pasted "wrong email address'" reply.
You know the ones that come back when you've got the wrong address.

BorrowedHeart · 27/03/2017 18:36

I don't think your husband is in the wrong for forgetting, I forget things all the time, including birthdays. In fact it's my partner that reminds me. Just ask him to sort it now you've reminded him and leave it. Just ignore the sister.

AnneOfCleavage · 27/03/2017 20:30

Prosecco eek, I refreshed thread & must have missed that gem as I scrolled down, thanks.

MrsTwix · 27/03/2017 20:38

Tell him amazon does not require a vagina for ordering purposes.

Grin Grin
Emphasise · 27/03/2017 20:53

"he will agree it's uncalled for and then forget about it !"

Seems like a very sensible course of action to me. You should do the same.

RedheadLover · 27/03/2017 21:04

YANBU, this makes my blood boil.

I especially can't stand the 'you know what men are like with these things' line. It's pathetic and sexist.

Fletchasaurus · 27/03/2017 21:23

Do we have the same SIL?? Seriously, tell her to piss off. Speaking from experience you will be to blame no matter what, don't let your DH get away with not dealing with it - some brilliant responses by pps!

Formalyknownas99 · 27/03/2017 21:44

Another one with a SIL like this and a DH who once acted like yours...I am NC wth the SIL and DH finally gets it...well...with the occasional reminder that I'm not his PA/talking clock/speaking diary/mind reader/ *insert other assumptions of 'wimmins' duties! Wink

yayforsummer · 27/03/2017 22:10

Silence will be strongest in this situ. Just don't reply at all.. and make your dh sort out the present

WashBasketsAreUs · 27/03/2017 22:21

When my friend and I are discussing kids and their irritating assumptions that we can sort everything out for them because we're mum's we have a stock acronym - NMP (NOT MY PROBLEM ). Works really well. X

shyturnip · 27/03/2017 22:30

I'll forward it to DH but he is so weak , he will agree it's uncalled for and then forget about it !

Which is what you need to do OP. Ignore and forget.

GabsAlot · 28/03/2017 00:22

so he doesnt bother with his niece beause he needs u to arrange it for him

i think you need to have words-and block her email

Darlink · 28/03/2017 00:55

Your dhs niece is his issue
But sil probably has a different perspective on the overall situation

Lynnm63 · 28/03/2017 01:16

Text back copying in your dh
"Dear Sil, 'FYI, I didn't forget dn's birthday however your dear brother did. In future please direct any such correspondence to insert dh name."

If you receive anything further from her resend this stating I refer you to the email of x date, reproduced below.

Totally not your problem.

redexpat · 28/03/2017 06:30

Order neice a copy of wifework.

Hissy · 28/03/2017 07:01

"Thank you for your enquiry.

This and all future communications will be forwarded to the relevant person responsible for pandering to your shit, .

I'd imagine he'll be in contact soon enough.

Or not."

rollonthesummer · 28/03/2017 07:46

When my friend and I are discussing kids and their irritating assumptions that we can sort everything out for them because we're mum's we have a stock acronym - NMP (NOT MY PROBLEM ). Works really well.

We have similar-SEP. Someone else's problem!

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