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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To still be fucked off about Mother's Day?

102 replies

GlitterGlue · 27/03/2017 08:37

I still feel really hurt that they clearly think so little of me that oh couldn't be arsed to take dc to the shop to choose me some sweets or something. I wasn't asking for fancy or expensive gifts, just a small token to show they cared. I do so much and get fuck all back.

Mil got a nice gift so it's not even as if he forgot completely.

I do have horrendous pmt which is undoubtedly making it worse, but I'm so pissed off. And upset. And someone at work has asked if I had a nice day which just made it worse. I fibbed and said yes.

OP posts:
Rioja123 · 27/03/2017 08:37

Did you tell him how it made you feel?

BarbarianMum · 27/03/2017 08:40

Tell him! If it is important to you (and why wouldn't it be), tell him!

Rumtopf · 27/03/2017 08:45

I'm quietly seething too OP.
We were out shopping on Saturday so dd bought something I effectively chose, however all I asked for was a card. I got one from the box of generic emergency cards I keep in the kitchen. Dh managed to buy and post one for his own mother. I cooked brunch for everyone, I cooked a roast dinner for everyone, I spent the day changing beds and clearing up which dd did help in doing. I feel a bit miffed about it all really!

Original poster
GlitterGlue · 27/03/2017 08:52

I did tell him. He did fuck all to resolve it.

I've just had a message from him though and I think he finally realises he fucked up.

OP posts:
WhyOhWine · 27/03/2017 08:56

I didn't really expect anything on Mother's Day until DC were old enough to want to do something themselves, and then I saw DH's role to facilitate whatever they wanted to do, rather than essentially sorting it for them. He is not my mum and there are enough other 'tests' on him during the year (birthday, anniversary, valentines etc). We take the same approach on Father's Day.

DC are older now and this year decided it would be nice to take me out for a posh breakfast. They did some googling, came up with a couple of restaurants and DH booked one. I also got a card from both DC (one bought one homemade) both with lovely personalised messages. Perfect.

I know others feel differently about in the early years though so I think it is fair enough to let your DH know you are upset and what you would like to happen.

Eatingcheeseontoast · 27/03/2017 08:57

Go on strike, seriously.

BarbarianMum · 27/03/2017 08:59

Angry Well that's really shit of him then. Ignore the message- let him apologise by making it right, not just saying "sorry" and forgetting all about it.

mumeeee · 27/03/2017 09:00

How old is your DD?

KitKat1985 · 27/03/2017 09:02

YANBU. I'd be hurt too.

QueenJulian · 27/03/2017 09:03

YANBU. It's mean spirited of your H if he can be bothered to get his mum a gift but not you. I'm assuming your DC are too young to buy one independently.

ShatnersWig · 27/03/2017 09:04

Sorry, I'm another who doesn't get this whole "husband should do Mothering Sunday for their wives". If I were a parent, I would want something from my children when they are old enough to do something handmade themselves. If I was married, I would want something from my OH on our anniversary.

But maybe I'm clouded by the fact that my own mother decided to go on holiday so that I couldn't get to see her on Mothering Sunday and she treats a neighbour's child as a grandchild (has even been on holiday with her) and treats him far better than she ever treated me.

readthethread · 27/03/2017 09:06

just remember this on Father's Day Angry

BarbarianMum · 27/03/2017 09:07

A 2 year old is old enough to make a card for mummy with some help Shatner and would probably thoroughly enjoy doing so - or at least the fuss they get made over them when they present it.

ShakeofFara · 27/03/2017 09:08

MY DC got me some chocolates and a card which was lovely. However I asked DC2 who is 17 to please make me a coffee and he just laughed and went upstairs. DC2&4 who are 13&11 also looked at me like I was mad.

Didn't help that DH was in selfish mode and only did stuff that helped himself. Totally fed up with being taken for granted.

ThePinkOcelot · 27/03/2017 09:09

I really don't get this husband should buy for Mother's Day. Why? You aren't his mother. A card and flowers for Mother's Day from my DH would have meant nothing to me. It shows absolutely nothing. Whereas when dds were old enough he took them and they chose themselves. That did mean something.

BarbarianMum · 27/03/2017 09:10

Shake then do something about it, serioysly. Do less for them, a lot less. They can't walk all over you if you don't lie down.

CatThiefKeith · 27/03/2017 09:15

I know exactly how you feel op. Dh was a total arse yesterday. Father's Day is just around the corner though, and Dd and I are going away for the weekend. He can spend the day in his own down the pub, which is where he would rather be anyway I reckon.

Original poster
GlitterGlue · 27/03/2017 09:18

I do think a husband or partner should help the children sort something until they're old enough to do it themselves. Dc not yet old enough.

I really want to tell him to take dc to the shop tonight, but then I'd be organising it so what's the point.

OP posts:
SerialReJoiner · 27/03/2017 09:19

Dh facilitates mother's day for the DC. How else are they going to manage buying a present or making breakfast? I do the same for father's day. I appreciate the time he spends helping them, as I depend on his support to be a good mother and vice versa for him.

AwaywiththePixies27 · 27/03/2017 09:21

Tell him. Failing that. Do fuck all for him on fathers day and see how he likes it.

I'm separated from my DCs Dad and he still made the effort. A card. A bar of dairy milk and some tunnocks cakes. Not a lot but it was the fact he went to any effort at all that made my day. My DM got me some stuff from the DCs because we were just under the impression I wouldn't get anything. (didnt get a birthday or Christmas card last year so not unexpected) I still had a shit day though. Kids were vile to each other, we went out for the afternoon with friends and DS fell out with his best friend (fine now) and DD (11) was being her usual preteen sulky teenager strop but i wished i'd just stayed at home yesterday and I was glad when they finally both went to bed. I know that sounds awful, but it's the truth and I probably wasn't the only one who couldn't be arsed to put up or see all the gushy facebook posts yesterday.

danTDM · 27/03/2017 09:22

Oh FGS. Catch a grip.

LiveLifeWithPassion · 27/03/2017 09:22

It's sad that all people seem to be wanting is kindness.

Why are so many people unkind?
Begrudging people small gifts and cups of tea/coffee? It's just symbolic of day to day life, I expect.

Original poster
GlitterGlue · 27/03/2017 09:23

Dc old enough to choose, but not old enough to go shopping alone.

OP posts:
DeleteOrDecay · 27/03/2017 09:23

YANBU I feel similar.

Dp didn't even have to arrange a card because dd's nursery had a 'Mother's Day shop' where the children could take in some small change and choose a gift and card, all he had to do was help eldest dc write it.

I didn't do any housework yesterday. But apart from the dishwasher neither did Dp either, so it all got left for me to do today. Lovely.

He did do the dc bedtime routine although I had to ask him and he grumbled about it and made me feel like it was a favourAngry

I feel so under appreciated right now. The house is a mess and I resent the fact that it's all been left for me to sort out instead of it just being done yesterday like it should have been.

It was the same on my birthday a couple of weeks ago too. I feel like cancelling any sort of day where I am meant to feel special or appreciated because I always come out feeling the opposite. It's not worth it.

AwaywiththePixies27 · 27/03/2017 09:24

I can understand why you're upset OP.
Like I said my Ex took DCs to choose when he had them Saturday afternoon. You're not asking for much.