To still be fucked off about Mother's Day?

[GlitterGlue]

I still feel really hurt that they clearly think so little of me that oh couldn't be arsed to take dc to the shop to choose me some sweets or something. I wasn't asking for fancy or expensive gifts, just a small token to show they cared. I do so much and get fuck all back.

Mil got a nice gift so it's not even as if he forgot completely.

I do have horrendous pmt which is undoubtedly making it worse, but I'm so pissed off. And upset. And someone at work has asked if I had a nice day which just made it worse. I fibbed and said yes.

Well, when Father's Day comes around you completely ignore it. No card, no present, arrange to go out that day on your own or with the dc. Childish but fair in my opinion ! If he dares to complain, just remind him about yesterday.

yabu to be upset about it still

does he show you that your loved and your child do kind things for you all during the year? I'd rather have that a man & child like that than one that brought a cheap box of chocolates once a year

If your child is old enough to pick a present they are old enough to home make you a card. A card and cuddle from your child should be enough. seriously what would cheap chocolate of added to your day?

I had a lovely md.
I was handed home made cards and gifts from my youngest dds which had a lot of time put in with nanny on varying after schools for the last few weeks when I've been at work.
They really did make an effort.
I got handed a lovely card and present from my eldest dc (18) and was more over the moon with the fact this is the first year he didn't have anyone help him or remind him with a lovely message in the card.
My dh gave me a lovely card gift and a beautiful bunch of flowers and they took me out for brekkie.
We took the dogs for a walk in the afternoon and then pootled at home sorting dds room out,washing,pack ups,tea etc etc but I wouldn't have expected dh to do everything.
We are a team.
The flowers gift and card from dh show he appreciates me as a mum so posters saying it's not upto husbands to arrange it are saying they don't have to show they appreciate mums and the things they do.
That's crap op and I really feel for you.
There's nothing better than feeling appreciated by your children on Mother's Day but also from partners.
I would have been gutted had my dh not arranged even brekkie or a card from himself.

DH is pretty good on a day-to-day basis but Mother's Day gets a bit lost on him. He's okay with a card and small gift but the making breakfast in bed isn't really going to happen.

Last year was a bit rubbish, I did get a card but DH hadn't really thought about food for dinner so we had chips and fish from the freezer (from our cheap emergency stock, not some fancy M&S meal). DD is old enough to make a little card but not old enough to go to the shops alone and certainly not old enough to cook dinner.

This year I booked myself on a whole day out. Conveniently chose Mothering Sunday so I'd be child free from 9:30am-4pm. I did sort school clothes out in advance but basically had the best Mother's Day I've ever had. Will be repeating it next year. In fact it was so good that I did cook our evening roast (meat had been in the slow cooker so just potatoes and veg), and I didn't feel unhappy about that because I'd had a whole day that was just about me, doing a hobby I enjoy, with nice adult company.

Of course I could have had a day away any time, it was a gift I was simply booking. But taking matters into my own hands to ensure a relaxing day really did work wonders. Plus it meant I had a nice day away and a positive Mother's Day, was a bit win win.

If you have a husband problem, deal with it.

If your children don't (reasonably) pull their weight, address that.

The "poor, hard done by me" posts are ridiculous though. Seriously, if you didn't think having kids would be a 24/7 - and largely thankless - job then what planet were you on?

yabu to be upset about it still. does he show you that your loved and your child do kind things for you all during the year? I'd rather have that a man & child like that than one that brought a cheap box of chocolates once a year

Why does it have to be one or the other? Why can't he be a good husband all year and help his children show their mother she is appreciated once a year as well?

OP isn't asking for an extravagant gift or anything and if my exh can still manage to help the kids make a card and buy a cheap Mum mug than anyone can imo.

I think a lot of you are confusing mother's day with some sort of wife's day

Not really. I'm a single parent. I'd have been more than happy if my DCs didnt bloody argue the toss all day

I had a nice day, but not by relying on a man. In fact it was the best ever because it's the first since we separated and began living separately. I always felt exP was really reluctant and although we might go out for lunch at my suggestion, he would never organise a fancy breakfast or card etc. The day would always feel a bit awkward.

This year I got (as usual) lovely card made at school by DD (DS is a bit old for that now) and I made a plan for us to go out to a park and have tea and cake at the cafe. I also got a lie-in as they were at their dad's the night before.

The kids bickered, DD stropped about not wanting to go for a walk and I had to do a ton of laundry when we got back - BUT we still had a nice time and I finally felt in control and like I wasn't trying to make sure I didn't mention it. In fact in the cafe we had a nice chat about all the other mums and grans out with their families for MD and the waiter was lovely to us.

One thing I wouldn't want to do is make people feel guilty and throw a fit that I didn't get what I wanted, because that's what my own mum used to do and it left me feeling guilty and resentful for decades (she's not a nice mum though!). I want it to be pressure-free but you can still enjoy it by making a plan. I had tea brought to me and lovely cakes on a silver tray - yes I paid for that but it was still fab!

I think the problem here is that your DH is making an effort for his mother but not bothering with you. That would really piss me off even though I don't particularly care about Mother's Day itself.

I think there is a fine line between expecting a present and just expecting some general appreciation. There doesn't have to be a tremendous amount of fuss on mothers day but I think if your partner buys flowers and makes a gift (as mine did) for his mum but your kids do fuck all for you (as mine did) then you will be hurt. They know I love daffodils, they know I love tulips. The oldest are nearly 15 and nearly 13 and they didn't bother and my partner didn't think to remind them. That really really hurt and I told them. I did then have a lovely bunch of flowers and a homemade card waiting for me when I got back home from my own mums. It did feel a bit too late and didn't stop me being hurt.

It doesn't have to be much to show appreciation. My family know they messed up and I want my kids to be thoughtful adults. I had to tell them, as painful as it all was. I don't want to make them feel guilty but these things do matter. And for those with the he's not your mother responses. not. fucking. helpful.

I don't understand the people who say it should ONLY be about spoiling your actual mother. As far as my DH is concerned, he has two important mothers in his life - his own mother and the mother of his children. He buys us both a little something on Mother's Day and one is no less important to him than the other. Admittedly, my children are still young - 8 and 4 - so not old enough to arrange something themselves, but they know that it's a nice thing to show their appreciation on Mother's Day because their father has taught them that. I don't expect or get a lot - usually a card and a small bunch of flowers or a plant - but it is lovely.

Whether my DH will continue to get me a little something when my children are old enough to sort it out themselves, I don't know and I don't mind. But I do know that my MIL, who is late 60s and has three grown up children who no longer live nearby, got cards and presents from her children, and my FIL took her out for lunch just the two of them and then cooked her dinner. Because she is the mother of his children and he appreciates everything she has ever done and continues to do for them and I think that's really lovely.

Everyone saying 'why on earth would DH celebrate Mother's/' Day for you?'
Mine does, as did my DF for my mother.
It is his way of acknowledging that I am a fucking marvellous mother to his children.
It's one day where he actually stops and realises just what I do on a daily basis to facilitate his swashbuckling career.

• • It's entirely different to celebrating being a wife, partner. It's purely about the motheryness. Obviously when the DCs are small, it's also about him steering them to make the day nice too. I don't see it as strange at all, maybe because as I say-my Dad felt strongly about doing the same even though he could be a gobshite the rest of the time

However I asked DC2 who is 17 to please make me a coffee and he just laughed and went upstairs.

You asked him to make you a coffee and he LAUGHED? I would be doing fuck all for the rude, ungrateful twat after that.

i use to buy my mum a card and present without fail my dad always helped us when we were younger and mum was always spoilt

shes sadly passed away now id o anything to spend another day with her-i wish people would appreciate each other more

Feral Wouldn't it have been better if your Dad had just not been a gobshite the rest of the year and just been nicer to his wife every day? That's one of the problems with Mothering Sunday and Father's Day - I think it gives the impression that someone needs a special day and on that special day that should be appreciated. Bloody appreciate people all sodding year round. It's like Valentines' Day and we get more and more sucked into it. "Make a fuss of your partner on Valentine's Day" - no, fuck off and make a fuss of them all the sodding time!

YANBU.

Whilst the kids are young (school age imo,) it's up to the dad to make sure they get something for their mother. And I would have been gutted if my DH had never got anything for me on behalf of our daughter. He always did though, but by the time she was college age, he told her it was up to her to do it now. For the first mother's day that she was doing it herself, she did manage to get me a card, and a box of Milk Tray. (After much nagging from her dad.)

But the next one (which about 5-6 years ago, when she was around 18,) she went to stay with her boyfriend a few days before mothers day, and was due back 2 days after it. (She had been with him for 4 months, and he lived 50-60 miles away.)

Her dad said to her 'I hope you have something for your mother,' and she said she had, and for him to stop nagging her.

Upshot is I got naff-all, not even a card. At 4pm, I got a 'happy mother's day mum' text, which felt like an afterthought to be honest.

My mother died over a decade before, so I didn't have her to celebrate with, and DH's mother died a few years before her.

Everywhere I went that day, (to the shops for some milk, to the park for a walk etc,) I saw mothers and daughters. It really upset me; no card, no flowers, not even a box of maltesers..

What I found particularly upsetting and hurtful was that I discovered my daughter and her boyfriend had gone out for a meal for mother's day with his mother and father and sister and grandparents. There were a dozen pics of their 'wonderful family meal out' on facebook, that his father had put on, and one of the pics was my daughter pictured with his mother.

DH was at work on mother's day from 8am til 3pm too, so I found that particular one very depressing. DH was incensed and told our daughter to not get him anything for father's day, and anything she did get would be thrown in the bin. She never got him anything, but never forgot either of us again.

Ironically, a month later, my daughter's relationship with this boy ended!

I think it's cruel and mean to slag people off and call them unreasonable for being upset. Nobody has the right to tell anyone that they are silly for being upset. It may seem trivial to some, but the fact is, when you do everything for your kids all year round, and they can't be arsed to get you a 99p bunch of daffs and a card for mother's day; I think that's dreadful frankly. Especially as they would have a meltdown if you forgot them at any time.

And as someone said above (in answer to someone saying 'I would rather have a husband that cares all year round than one who just buys me a present on one day of the year,) why CAN'T it be both? It's like people bitch about Valentine's day by saying 'I don't need a day to prove how much I love my partner, or for him to prove how much he loves me!' Just because a man fusses over you on Valentine's day, doesn't mean he doesn't bother the rest of the year.

By the way, since that one awful mother's day 5 or 6 years back, my daughter has always made a big fuss of me. She lives away from home now, (40 miles away,) and came yesterday with a big bag full of little gifts for me, a big handmade card, some flowers, a balloon, and a cake she had made.

YANBU.

Whilst the kids are young (school age imo,) it's up to the dad to make sure they get something for their mother. And I would have been gutted if my DH had never got anything for me on behalf of our daughter. He always did though, but by the time she was college age, he told her it was up to her to do it now. For the first mother's day that she was doing it herself, she did manage to get me a card, and a box of Milk Tray. (After much nagging from her dad.)

But the next one (which was about 5-6 years ago, when she was around 18,) she went to stay with her boyfriend a few days before mothers day, and was due back 2 days after it. (She had been with him for 4 months, and he lived 50-60 miles away.)

Her dad said to her 'I hope you have something for your mother,' and she said she had, and for him to stop nagging her.

Upshot is I got naff-all, not even a card. At 4pm, I got a 'happy mother's day mum' text, which felt like an afterthought to be honest.

My mother died over a decade before, so I didn't have her to celebrate with, and DH's mother died a few years before her.

Everywhere I went that day, (to the shops for some milk, to the park for a walk etc,) I saw mothers and daughters. It really upset me; no card, no flowers, not even a box of maltesers..

What I found particularly upsetting and hurtful was that I discovered my daughter and her boyfriend had gone out for a meal for mother's day with his mother and father and sister and grandparents. There were a dozen pics of their 'wonderful family meal out' on facebook, that his father had put on, and one of the pics was my daughter pictured with her boyfriend's mother.

DH was at work on mother's day from 8am til 3pm too, so I found that particular one very depressing. DH was incensed and told our daughter to not get him anything for father's day, and anything she did get would be thrown in the bin. She never got him anything, but never forgot either of us again.

Ironically, a month later, my daughter's relationship with this boy ended!

I think it's cruel and mean to slag people off and call them unreasonable for being upset. Nobody has the right to tell anyone that they are silly for being upset. It may seem trivial to some, but the fact is, when you do everything for your kids all year round, and they can't be arsed to get you a 99p bunch of daffs and a card for mother's day; I think that's dreadful frankly. Especially as they would have a meltdown if you forgot them at any time.

And as someone said above (in answer to someone saying 'I would rather have a husband that cares all year round than one who just buys me a present on one day of the year,) why CAN'T it be both? It's like people bitch about Valentine's day by saying 'I don't need a day to prove how much I love my partner, or for him to prove how much he loves me!' Just because a man fusses over you on Valentine's day, doesn't mean he doesn't bother the rest of the year.

By the way, since that one awful mother's day 5 or 6 years back, my daughter has always made a big fuss of me. She lives away from home now, (40 miles away,) and came yesterday with a big bag full of little gifts for me, a big handmade card, some flowers, a balloon, and a cake she had made.

Yes you have the right to be annoyed! Give me his number I'll tell him!
I know separated parents who quite frankly can't stand there ex's who made more off an effort!
When I was a single parent nc with dd's df
My brother would make sure me, our mother his partner and his ex all had a great day. No excuse what so ever not to even make a card or bring you a coffee in bed.
Can't stand total disrespect like this in relationships. Plus he's just teaching your children that you don't deserve any respect! Is that really how you want your children to grow up?

Sorry if I've repeated or contradicted anything that pp's have wrote. I was so mad I just posted without reading all the thread
Happy belated mothers day!

"I got the card dd made at school, a flower bought via the Parents Association (which I gave her the money for), a card she made at Brownies and a card which hubby took her out to buy, also she made me breakfast in bed. I'm resigned now to not getting anything bought by dh, and just remind him from time to time that Mother's Day is before Father's Day so he is setting the standard of what he expects to get."

What did you actually want?
That sounds lovely to me.

Shatners yes of course! I completely agree with you, but generation and lifestyle meant that he wasn't. We didn't see a great deal of him either for the same reasons.
Not something I'd accept btw but it worked for them.

I rather naively believe in the more basic aspect of the days - like Valentines Day, can't bear all the bullshitty over priced roses and squinting teddies, but I force myself to make enough time for DH and I to at least eat spend some quality time together.
We have a horribly busy and separate life at the moment for work/childcare reasons so days like that encourage me to stop and celebrate us iyswim? Not explained that well at all have I!

I know DH thinks I'm a great mum, he tells me a lot, but that didn't stop me enjoying being a bit princessy for a change yesterday.
I'll do the same for DH on Father's Day. It won't be about the money, it'll be about facilitating him spending some proper time with the children, about me acknowledging that he is a fantastic dad, often a crap husband but an amazing dad.

It was mil's birthday yesterday and pils invited us for dinner to celebrate. I'm on crutches for pelvic problems and am in a lot of pain but when we got there dinner had been prepared but dh and myself were expected to cook it for them Dh didn't want me to lift a finger due to me being debilitated but after seeing how much cooking mil had prepared I couldn't not help. Her words to me we're 'oh that's a shame you had to help and with you not being able to move around so much'!!! Fil was supposed to help dh but decided to join mil for a birthday gin or 2.
It is what it is and we can laugh about it but it is only one day out the year and I don't need that to feel appreciated

What did you actually want?
That sounds lovely to me.

This ^

It sounds like your DD did a great job of thanking you and demonstrating how much she appreciates what you do for her.

I used to dread Mothering Sunday because my DF was always to disorganised to sort much when we were very little. As we got bigger, the home made cards weren't perceived as enough and the disappointment was apparent. Later, there was an expectation that we would wait on my mother hand and foot for the whole day but, no matter how hard I tried, there was always some way in which we were not up to scratch. The tears and speeches about being taken for granted by the end of the day were inevitable.

For me the day is about my DDs showing their appreciation in a way that feels right to them. I have always told them what I appreciate about them because, contrary to many comments here, that is how children learn to show appreciation. My most treasured possessions are the cards they have written, from the early ones covered in kisses to later years with carefully composed heartfelt thanks.

I feel for all the children on here whose mothers are having 'moments' about not being appreciated enough, not getting carefully enough tailored gifts, having to do housework, etc.

I am unaware of any rule that says mothers don't do house work on Mothering Sunday, should have gifts planned and purchased by their DHs or that a home-made card and a cuddle isn't validating enough. I'm amazed by the number of precious princesses on here. I'm also unaware of any rule that says fathers get to sit on their arses all day on Fathers' Day. Neither happens in our house.

If you want your children to grow up appreciating what you do for them, model it in your everyday life, tell them what you love about them and teach them how to appreciate others. Then, when you get it back, it will be genuine and probably not restricted to one particular widely advertised day each year.

If you have children who want to make more effort for Father's Day than they did for Mothering Sunday, take a moment to reflect on how they perceive their relationship with you instead of planning revenge on your DH. How is that going to teach your DCs to appreciate anyone?

Goldmandra, you're referring to a comment made by a pp made by another pp who actually had something from her daughter and breakfast in bed. The OP did not have the same experience. It sounds to me like you did have a lovely mothers day. lovely for you

YANBU - I would expect DH to help DD's to make something - or at least provide appropriate encouragement to draw a picture/card