Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To still be fucked off about Mother's Day?

102 replies

GlitterGlue · 27/03/2017 08:37

I still feel really hurt that they clearly think so little of me that oh couldn't be arsed to take dc to the shop to choose me some sweets or something. I wasn't asking for fancy or expensive gifts, just a small token to show they cared. I do so much and get fuck all back.

Mil got a nice gift so it's not even as if he forgot completely.

I do have horrendous pmt which is undoubtedly making it worse, but I'm so pissed off. And upset. And someone at work has asked if I had a nice day which just made it worse. I fibbed and said yes.

OP posts:
SugarMiceInTheRain · 27/03/2017 09:26

YANBU. I think it's pretty poor of him not to do something for you with the DC. My dad left when I was 6, and I think helped me do something for my mum once for her birthday, never for mother's day. I basically had to do it myself, so usually involved making a card at school and making something basic like peppermint creams or a cake, or saving up my 50p a week pocket money and trying to buy something when my mum wasn't looking.

SquinkiesRule · 27/03/2017 09:27

I too am fucked off about it all.
I don't expect Dh to do or buy anything for me for Mothers day, he's not my child.
I do however expect him to remind the kids what day it is.
All mine had phones, I worked a 12 hour work day and didn't even get a single text to wish me happy mothers day. That is the least I expect. Aparently they can't even do thier least.
Ds 2 was out when I got in, Dd didn't even say anything even when told her waht day it is, Ds came home with take out for himself and went off to entertain himself.
So this morning I told Dh how disapointed I am (At no words, no texts) and I'm going to bugger off on my own this morning, once the soddin boiler man calls me back so I can go.
Sod the lot, and if a single one of them makes suggestion that they do/get something for Fathers day I will put a stop to it, as he will be allowed the same as I got, no even so much as a happy fathers day

wifeyhun · 27/03/2017 09:28

YANBU you are the mother of his children, I would be bloody upset as well.

Flowers
purplecollar · 27/03/2017 09:28

I'd be peed off if absolutely no effort were made myself. I would expect dh to organise small dc to do something, just to draw a card or similar or pick some flowers. It takes a tiny amount of consideration. I think you need to tell your dh how you feel.

The reason I think dh should be organising is that it teaches the dc to have consideration, show thanks.

Semiurban · 27/03/2017 09:31

Im Thread hijacking, to say I'm not angry but sad about Mother's Day. I wanted a break, maybe an hour or half an hour to just sit and read. Instead I cleaned and cleaned and did loads of laundry and walked the dog. My DCs are little and had made cards. I was very touched by this, but also feel disappointed that there is never a rest from endless drudgery. When I met my DH, it was all champagne and chocolates. Yesterday he gave me a children's beaker of tap water. I just feel as if I've had enough.

Wtfdoicare · 27/03/2017 09:31

I didn't get anything in the way of presents (apart from lovely homemade ones) either but I wouldn't have wanted any. I got cards and handmade ones from the DC and breakfast made for me in the morning, and roast dinner made (apart from my prepping!) in the evening.

I understand how you feel though OP if your DH couldn't organise the DC to choose a card for you and make or buy a little gift.

AwaywiththePixies27 · 27/03/2017 09:33

squinkiesrule Flowers

Go and get yourself a cuppa when you can. With a big fat slice of cake. Brew

heidipi · 27/03/2017 09:33

Nursery and school did some lovely mother's day stuff with the DC and I'm not their mum either! I think it's a bit crap if DHs don't do stuff with the kids when they know you would like it.

I'm grumbling a bit today because I've got all the jobs to do that I couldn't do yesterday because "no put your feet up!" but with DD2 in tow...

Whatsername17 · 27/03/2017 09:33

My dh didn't bother last year. Dd made me a card at school. I was upset and told him so. He was slightly apologetic but it was clear he thought I was over reacting. On fathers day I did nothing for him. He wax upset and got the message. The thing that pissed me off the most was that it actually hurts dd. She was too young at 4 to really understand last year but this year she's at a prime age to learn how to do something nice for someone else.

BarbarianMum · 27/03/2017 09:35

Semiurban but why would you do that? What would have happened if for just one day you hadn't cleaned and cleaned and done loads of laundry? Bet we'd all still be alive to tell the tale today.

fourteenlittleducks · 27/03/2017 09:36

I don't get the expecting a card/gift on Mother's Day. It's a commercial trick to get people to spend money.
What's wrong with a hug and a daffodil?

To me it's about spending time together.

user1484146807 · 27/03/2017 09:38

That is disgraceful. I am a single father who is the primary carer for my son. He stays 1 night every 2 weeks with his mum. She caused us to break up by cheating, stealing, lying. etc She refuses to contribute financially. So I have a few reasons to resent her.

I still arranged a card and present for mother's day as it is my son's mother and he needs to know it is important to love his mum.

Semiurban · 27/03/2017 09:39

Children's uniform don't clean themselves. Ironing needed doing for week ahead. DH is very messy and made pizzas with DCs. There was flour, tomato sauce all over kitchen and cheese burned on to oven shelves. Previously, when I have ignored the laundry, nobody has had clean clothes for work and school and I cannot just leave the kitchen covered in flour. DH tells me to leave it, the dishes are piled up in sink as nobody but me empties dishwasher, piles of recycling next to bin if I don't take the bin out.

SandyY2K · 27/03/2017 09:40

I do think a husband or partner should help the children sort something until they're old enough to do it themselves. Dc not yet old enough.

I agree. In the same way a mum would sort cards for father's day, when the DC are young.

There are also cards that 'to my wife on mother's day'

BarbarianMum · 27/03/2017 09:43

So 1 load of laundry for clean uniform/some clothes for you. Why do you care if your husband has clean clothes if he doesnt? And yes the kitchen would be a mess and you'd have to clean it today but you'd have had a day off, at least.

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 27/03/2017 09:43

I understand how you feel.

Last year DD wanted to get her DF a father's day gift. She chose it, I paid and sent it off to him.

Now if I can do that for my ex, then anyone can do it for someone they are meant to love.

SandyY2K · 27/03/2017 09:44

User

I still arranged a card and present for mother's day as it is my son's mother and he needs to know it is important to love his mum.

You're quite unique.

Many men would not do that in your position. If my DH did that (lie, cheat and steal), I certainly wouldn't.

42andcounting · 27/03/2017 09:45

How are all of these kids supposed to learn that it's good to show appreciation for their mum on mother's day if another adult (be it dad, grandparent, whatever) doesn't teach them by example? Do we expect them to suddenly realise for themselves at the age of four or whatever? It's amazing to me that we expect to teach our kids all the other life skills they need, but god forbid we should show them the way with this Confused

DeleteOrDecay · 27/03/2017 09:46

And yes the kitchen would be a mess and you'd have to clean it today but you'd have had a day off, at least.

See for me it doesn't really feel like a day off if I know no one else will take responsibility for it and it's left for me to do the next day. It's more like procrastinating.

GabsAlot · 27/03/2017 09:47

u cooked dinner? u should have just sat there all day and when hee asked what was wrong tell himto figure it out and then you shold have gone out for the day by yourself

floraeasy · 27/03/2017 09:48

if a single one of them makes suggestion that they do/get something for Fathers day I will put a stop to it, as he will be allowed the same as I got, no even so much as a happy fathers day

It would be weird if they did want to do something for father's day and not for mother's day. I could understand them being completely thoughtless as to both, but not one over the other.

I am on your side - I think it would have taken so little for them to give you a lift on mother's day. It's advertised everywhere - they can't have missed it.

I feel almost guilty now reading all these stories. My husband helped the dog get me a lovely cute mother's day card.

Harveypuss · 27/03/2017 09:49

YANBU. This was me last year. No card or gift from the kids. I told them all in no uncertain terms how upset I was and they felt so awful - good!

This year, I got cards, gifts and flowers, so yesterday was a nice day!

You need to have a family "pow wow" and explain how it made you feel, and I do, frankly, feel it's the husband's responsibility to facilitate it if the kids aren't old enough to go out shopping for themselves.

Amar1na · 27/03/2017 09:49

OP I'm so sorry you feel like this. Don't listen to anybody who is telling you to "get a grip" or the "too cool for commercial days" brigade. This does not need to have anything to do with commercialisation and just because some people set the bar low, does not mean you have to put up with any of it. You are definitely entitled to feel acknowledged and appreciated by your own family.

If I were you I would have just stormed out the house and left them all too it. They would have been in no doubt whatsoever about his I was feeling.

Unfortunately this is what it takes to get the message through to some thoughtless and selfish husbands.

If you don't kick up a real stink this will happen again. If you excuse shoddy behaviour, this is how you will be treated in future. DO NOT let him get away with it.
Tell him he has next Sunday to make it up to you and the ball is in his court.

You are the mother of his child and what kind of man has no respect for that?

Absintheshots · 27/03/2017 09:50

I can't understand why a husband should celebrate Mother's Day for his wife, she is not his mother!

But I completely agree, a 1 year old is old enough to bring a little gift (of course bought by his dad) to mummy, at 2 to "write" a card. You can have a mini family celebration, a nice cake for everybody. I don't understand why people don't make a mini party of it and have a glass of bubbly. (and have a celebration cake for the change of seasons and any random event). Life is too short to be grumpy.

floraeasy · 27/03/2017 09:51

Definitely dial back on what you do. I understand you still have stuff to do, but dial back on the little extras and going the extra mile. If they don't appreciate you, you may as well enjoy the time off you will get from beating your brains out for them.

Thoughtless people will only take note when you STOP doing stuff. That's the way it works, unfortunately.

Don't become a martyr. It will make you resentful and ill. If you can possibly afford it (budget ahead if needs be) make sure you have a fantastic mother's day next year. Arrange a shopping trip with girlfriends or whatever would suit your circumstances.