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AIBU?

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Original poster

To confront these so called friends?

310 replies

YouKnowNothingJS · 26/03/2017 20:57

Arranged to see Beauty and the Beast with 3 friends. In a group chat, two cancelled as they couldn't afford it and the third cancelled as we should do it instead when everyone is free.

Flat mate who is also friends with one of them saw on snapchat that they'd all gone this afternoon. They'd blocked me from seeing this Snapchat.

Aibu to confront them? Tempted to leave a message in our group chat.

OP posts:
WormwoodScrubbed · 26/03/2017 22:53

Of course, once you leave them to it, they'll start turning on each other

Exactly what I was going to say, they'll no longer have you so it'll be a game of chance who's next. If I was in a group like that I'd see what they did to you as a warning sign but of course in reality people in those types of groups are too arrogant, smug, over confident and self obsessed to see it

You're better off finding out now what they're like than wasting any more time on them. Try not to over-think on why they did it as there probably isn't a rational reason

paxillin · 26/03/2017 23:05

True, three is a difficult number for insecure people with no loyalty.

PaulAnkaTheDog · 26/03/2017 23:45

What nasty wee scrotes. It hurts, I know, but you're well shot of them. Flowers You're a stronger person than me op. I'd have been too scared to message them.

FreeNiki · 26/03/2017 23:46

I've just been removed from the group

I wasnt trying to be nasty when I said what I said. The truth is they didnt give a shit about you.

I would.not have given them the satisfaction of letting them know I cared and just deleted them.

Now they know you're upset and far from caring they just deleted you.

I did say just block and delete and don't dignify them with any communication

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 26/03/2017 23:56

You're better off without them. They obviously haven't left the play ground, yet. Would you want to be friends with people who are so fickle and disloyal.
They're like 10 year olds. Thinking they're playing house with their dolls.
Deciding who to upset. Well actually no 10 year olds don't behave like that.
Oh and make no mistake. It'll be someone else's turn to be frozen out next time. That's how clique exclusive cunts work.

chastenedButStillSmiling · 27/03/2017 00:18

YouKnowNothing I've had it happen to me... A random person kind-of blew into my life in my mid 20s, and she was fun and exciting and things HAPPENED when she was around that made life fun and exciting for everyone around her too.
And then one day she stone-cold dumped me. Really brutally. And i didn't know why. And I was hurt. And I missed her.
It was horrid.
I had dreams n stuff for ages, and waking up at 2 am wondering what I'd done that had been so awful. And I missed her being in my life.

And I never did find out 'why'. But I do now think I'm better off without her in my life. She was very selfish and actually quite demanding.

And what I realized was, that even if it was "me not her", I can't escape me, so I needed to accept who I am and learn to live without her.

You sound less upset by being dumped than I was (I'm just picking up on your confusion and hurt because it rings a bell with me).

But just saying, let go of the "why" because you'll probably never know, and (ultimately) it doesn't matter.

Just move on.

I think you've dealt with it well, if that's at all helpful. It's their loss, not yours.

ChickenVindaloo2 - I heard you. x x x

streetch · 27/03/2017 00:20

What a gang of bitches! I guarantee you will hear through the grapevine at some point in the future that they've all had a massive falling out with each other through similarly nasty behaviour towards each other

Masketti · 27/03/2017 00:33

Wow what truly horrible people! May I ask how you were friends with them?

They're obviously not very bright if they didn't also block your flatmate. And bothered Snap chatting about something they were doing covertly anyway.

If it's any consolation I'd have sent the message you did and be wondering why I was removed. Some people are not worth your time and effort Flowers

HorridHenryrule · 27/03/2017 00:41

they'll either turn on each other now or find someone new. Nothing to do with you op, but you've dodged a bullet in terms of continued time wasted on them!

THIS^^ they will find someone new or turn on each other that's how bullies work

TisMeTheLadFromTheBar · 27/03/2017 00:47

Screen shot the snapchat and the next time you meet them say you have a picture you want them to see and let them explain what a pack of selfish meanies they are

Hidingtonothing · 27/03/2017 01:14

I've been 'ghosted' by someone I thought was a close friend recently too OP. It's shit, especially as they don't even bother to tell you why but it says a lot more about them than it does about you. It did my head in for a while but it doesn't last, best thing you can do is accept they're a bunch of bitches who don't deserve your time and get on with your life knowing you're worth a million of them Flowers

HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 27/03/2017 01:34

I'm sorry OP. Had similar happen to me with one or two individual friends but never a group. Hateful and hurtful.

SouthWindsWesterly · 27/03/2017 05:45

Take screen shots of the Snapchat, send to the cinema manager and inform then someone was using a mobile throughout the movie and was uploading it all to social media. Yep. Karma

emmyrose2000 · 27/03/2017 06:01

What an awful experience, OP. Sorry this happened to you. :(

Was one of the three a newish member of the group, or have you all known each other the same amount of time? Not that this excuses it in any way of course, but it's not unusual sometimes for a newcomer to come in and stir up crap.

PicturesOfYou · 27/03/2017 06:10

Just to present something from the other perspective...

The way these women did this wasn't very mature or kind; they shouldn't have arranged to go with the OP in the first place rather than freeze her out once the arrangement had been made.

But, actually, we are all free to be friends with who we like. Not liking someone or not wanting to be friends with them for any reason is not bullying. People can be friends with and spend their time with whoever they choose.

As we always spend time telling women on here, you don't owe anyone a relationship and a relationship can be ended at any time for any reason. A friendship is no different.

We don't know the OP. We don't know the nature of the friendship(s) and we don't know what the OP contributed to the friendship.

I would caution against just assuming these other women are the bad guys. There are as many sides to a story as there are people telling it.

nick247 · 27/03/2017 06:39

I feel your pain, as I was often excluded from events my so called friends were organising.

apotheke · 27/03/2017 06:46

That is horrible behaviour.

However. And I am not saying this to be inflammatory it just came to mind. I have a dear old friend. And there was a time that I realised I couldn't cope with cinema with her any more as she had a body odour problem and I was pregnant and had super smell so could cope with the forced proximity for several hours. Or do you talk/eat loudly during movies? Some people are (unknowingly) terrible cinema companions despite being lovely people.

However if it were something like this, they shouldn't be ganging up to go without you like a set of bitchy teenagers and then putting it on social media. If you are closer to one of them I would have confronted her in person, not group chat to allow them to collude over their response.

WormwoodScrubbed · 27/03/2017 06:53

But, actually, we are all free to be friends with who we like. Not liking someone or not wanting to be friends with them for any reason is not bullying. People can be friends with and spend their time with whoever they choose

It isn't that which is the issue here. The point is these other women behaved maliciously and sneakily when it wasn't necessary. If they wanted to be adults about it they should have been honest and not misled the OP about the cinema and their real intentions but instead they chose to pretend they couldn't afford it and would re-arrange for another time when in fact they had no intention of doing that. Also why not tell her the truth that they didn't want to be friends any longer instead of just blocking her in a childish way

bigbuttons · 27/03/2017 06:59

PicturesOfYou just no, not in this case.

Thattimeofyearagain · 27/03/2017 07:16

Been where you are op, in my case it was a stray message that I received that alerted me to a separate group chat that I wasn't in.
After the hurt will come a relief, I'm blocked on social media by them all now and tbh now that Im 6 months down the line ( and other people have told me what was being said about me/ my financial position) its a huge weight off my shoulders.

PicturesOfYou · 27/03/2017 07:25

I did say it was a crappy way of doing it, but we don't know the OP. Or how she'd have reacted or what their reasoning was.

But all this "you seem lovely" "they're just bitches" and "they'll turn on each other next" just reads like childish nonsense.

Fishface77 · 27/03/2017 07:29

StArt another what's app group, add the 3 of them, put the laughing face with tears, put grow up then leave.
Bunch of cunts.
Probably don't actually do that 😬

Thattimeofyearagain · 27/03/2017 07:31

FishfaceGrin

WormwoodScrubbed · 27/03/2017 07:36

"they'll turn on each other next" just reads like childish nonsense

Whether you think that kind of thing within a group or clique is childish or not doesn't matter, the fact is it happens far too regularly and you can see that just from the many experiences on this thread

You're quick to point out that no one on this thread knows the OP or the other women involved but presumably you don't either??? At least most of us are willing to give her the benefit of the doubt

Aeroflotgirl · 27/03/2017 07:38

Was their anything happened before this? Did you have an argument, or are you a nightmare friend? This is just crap,behaviour.

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