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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To confront these so called friends?

310 replies

YouKnowNothingJS · 26/03/2017 20:57

Arranged to see Beauty and the Beast with 3 friends. In a group chat, two cancelled as they couldn't afford it and the third cancelled as we should do it instead when everyone is free.

Flat mate who is also friends with one of them saw on snapchat that they'd all gone this afternoon. They'd blocked me from seeing this Snapchat.

Aibu to confront them? Tempted to leave a message in our group chat.

OP posts:
MeNeedSleep · 27/03/2017 07:40

I'm so glad I don't have any close friends. Don't think I could deal with shit like this!

MrsWombat · 27/03/2017 07:40

Sounds like you've had a lucky escape. Have an unmumsnetty hug and some Flowers. They will probably turn on themselves or someone else further down the line. Angry

Walkinglikeazombie · 27/03/2017 07:47

I'm sorry this happened to you OP.
Similar happened to me when I was in my early 20s.
Had my BF dump me for a different girl she had met. We planned on going to a concert that I was really looking forward to. It was quite far and because she drives the plan was that we go together. A week before the concert when I said to her that we really should buy the tickets, she said that unfortunately she won't be able to come.
I was sad, but thought no more of it, until day after the concert, when mutual friend asked me how come I wasn't there when my BF was with this new girl she had met.
I was really hurt, and just texted her something along the lines that I would have appreciated honesty a lot more, no matter how painful it may have been.
She did have decency to text "I'm sorry", but that was last of our communication.

Starlight2345 · 27/03/2017 08:01

There behaviour sounds very young, I hope they are..They certainly don't like getting called on their behaviour..

Block them on any media or it will drive you mad looking what they are up to.

PoorYorick · 27/03/2017 08:21

I'd want to talk to the friends to see what their reasoning was as there might be more to it than OP is aware of. But it does seem odd to make initial plans together if they were going to go on to exclude her. And to then stick it on social media is pretty dim.

Thattimeofyearagain · 27/03/2017 08:37

Starlight the women who did it to me were all 30s/ 40s.

dangerrabbit · 27/03/2017 08:40

Wow. What bitches, OP. Very immature behaviour. I hope they have the same happen to them. Angry

I17neednumbers · 27/03/2017 08:45

Sympathies op, that does sound hurtful. Is it just possible that they did intend to rearrange when everyone could do it, then they just found themselves together on a different day and decided on the spur of the moment that they could afford it after all? (I'm not sure whether they went on the 'cancelled' day iyswim, or just went on another date.) That would still be quite hurtful, but perhaps not as much.

Op are they quite new, or not very close friends? They might not have seen it as such a firm arrangement I suppose.

On the other hand blocking you from the group chat may have put paid to things anyway - I'm not sure how group chat works but I assume that is quite a 'statement'?

Hope you meet up with some other lovely friends soon, and can put this out of your mind. Being hurt by friends can be horrible.

Starlight2345 · 27/03/2017 10:21

thattimeoftheyearagain It really is the behaviour of someone much younger and if a women or group of women behaved that way in 30's /40's they are the last people I would want to be around..Doesn't mean it doesn't hurt I might add.

thetemptationofchocolate · 27/03/2017 10:30

A similar thing has happened to me - a friend turning on me for no apparent reason. She also convinced several other mutual friends that I am not a nice person to know. I don't know the reason for all of this, and for a while I thought I would like to know. However, during that period I found out she had called me toxic. After I heard that I thought, fuck it, I'm no longer interested in her, or defending myself against her nastiness. As far as I'm concerned, we don't know each other and I'm happy for it to be that way.
It's always hard to lose friends, especially when you don't know why. But you know you've done nothing to warrant this, thus the reason for it is theirs. They do not sound like good people and hopefully you will see soon that you are really better off without them in your life.

floraeasy · 27/03/2017 10:45

What shitty "friends".

This was obviously deliberate - there is no room for confusion here.

I'd cut them right out of my life. I wouldn't given them the satisfaction of confronting them or having a go at them. They sound like the type who'd enjoy the drama. Let's face it, what they did was confrontational, wasn't?

I would just ghost them. Never be available. Don't turn up to anything they ask you to. Always have a much more exciting thing to attend (or say you have, anyway).

In short, FREEZE THEM OUT Grin

Spend the time you are wasting on them into joining a new group or hobby and hopefully the next set of friends you make will be superior in quality.

Booshbeesh · 27/03/2017 11:32

Threes a crowd. One will be messaging u soon apologising and blaming the others.

AnoiseAnnoysanOyster · 27/03/2017 16:37

Ouch OP, that's shitty. Have you heard anything since they deleted you? I would just block them.

Cupcakey · 27/03/2017 16:57

How old are they? 12!!!
Better of without non genuine friends! Friends don't do that it's just nasty! Can't stand anything like this! School playground stuff!

Flowers xx

c0lette · 27/03/2017 17:29

I wouldn't necessarily cut them out of my life, but it's hard to imagine an explanation that doesn't involve them quite simply being mean, or in the best case scenario extremely thoughtless.

I think it's worth trying to find out what happened, however, especially if you consider them good friends. I think if you just cut them out without looking into it then it might haunt you. And even though I can't think of one, maybe there IS an explanation after all?

SnugglyBedSocks · 27/03/2017 17:36

How did you know them?

MimiandCoco · 27/03/2017 17:36

Ahh, that's really mean. I would say that it depends on how good your friendship is? If they are really good "friends" then I would defo say something, otherwise I'd write them off and not give them the time of day. Such childlike behaviour. Xx

InvisibleKittenAttack · 27/03/2017 17:39

If one of them does come back with an 'explaination' (I'm betting on "silly misunderstanding" eg. "everyone thought someone else had spoken to you and it was only when we were there we realised noone had and decided best to hide the snapchat from you so you didn't think we'd done it on purpose."), it will be followed up with it being explained to you that you are in the wrong for being upset or 'touchy' about it.

peppercorns3 · 27/03/2017 17:43

Shocking behaviour from grown women!
Are you all mums? If so, let's hope their kids are more mature and thoughtful than their mothers, otherwise with examples like that they are going to cause a lot of hurt and upset. 😡

Agerbilatemycardigan · 27/03/2017 17:46

Don't waste your time and energy confronting them. Put it down to experience and move on OP.

Hotfootit · 27/03/2017 17:54

Almost exactly the same thing happened to me with my NCT group, who until they went to the cinema without me, I had thought might become good friends.
I'm greatful I found out early on in the 'friendship' as I was able to cut myself off from them. It hurt to find out how they viewed me, but I now have a great group of friends. The best advice and the advice I give to my kids, is to remember and learn from this and never to be the one who does this to a friend.

Good luck OP. I hope you find some really nice friends as a result of this. 💐💐

remoaniac · 27/03/2017 17:57

I find it quite shocking that presumably adult women behave in this way

It is astonishing isn't it. This - and there was the other thread about the lady who was supposed to go to breakfast with school mums - and before that the lady who was the only one in her workplace not to be invited to her colleague's wedding.

It's truly bizarre that adult women are stuck in the school playground.

noitsnotme · 27/03/2017 18:01

Remoaniac what happened with the lady who missed the breakfast? I read that thread and forgot to check for an update.

MrsLogicFromViz · 27/03/2017 18:01

I had a similar experience with my NCT group back in 2010/11 and lost touch after a 'so-called' friend tried to take me over. I've since discovered that, along with DS that we're autistic, so I try to avoid cliquey groups as much as possible.

PennyPickle · 27/03/2017 18:02

My dd had a similar problem with her 'friends' over the weekend. The girls had planned to go shopping in town on Saturday. Friday night she was invited into a group discussion to chat about it. Saturday morning everyone rejoined the group chat and all gave spurious reasons why they could no longer go. They then snap chatted a pic of all of them in McDs in town, without dd. She was very hurt and couldn't understand why they had done that. DD confronted one of the girls. It turns out they didn't want her to be part of the group any longer because she has a boy friend (He wasn't going btw). They are all 14.

During conversation with dd I mentioned that they seem to be very immature and will grow up soon. It appears I was wrong... 🤔