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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To confront these so called friends?

310 replies

YouKnowNothingJS · 26/03/2017 20:57

Arranged to see Beauty and the Beast with 3 friends. In a group chat, two cancelled as they couldn't afford it and the third cancelled as we should do it instead when everyone is free.

Flat mate who is also friends with one of them saw on snapchat that they'd all gone this afternoon. They'd blocked me from seeing this Snapchat.

Aibu to confront them? Tempted to leave a message in our group chat.

OP posts:
Shockers · 27/03/2017 18:03

I really hope at least one of them apologises OP.

Yasmin737 · 27/03/2017 18:07

Don't donit in writing! The only wayvto get near the truth is to speak to one if them dlirectly. Go straight to the point: ' Why did you all go to the cinema without me? ' and wait foe thea reply. Facial expressions will be useful to read as you may het a waffly answer. If you aren't happy with the reply, rehearse how you'd like to end the false friendship - don't be angry or upset in front of false friend - just say what you think about such unfriendly. It's up to them to decide whether to make amenda and then up to you whethwr to forgive and forget.

JaneEyre70 · 27/03/2017 18:10

OP that is appalling behaviour, and they don't sound that nice but you must feel really hurt. Understandably. Shake yourself off, dust yourself down and move on....a little wiser and knowing the sort of friends you don't need in your life Smile.

KTC40 · 27/03/2017 18:13

Try not to let it get you down, these things happen, people can be nasty, had it happen to me, one example NCT group, 8 mums, one the main 3 cool girls didn't like so set up a new whatsapp group without her, eventually 1 moved away, the 3 cool (bitchy) girls then did their own thing, not inviting the other 3 of us to kiddies birthday parties etc, and seeing them together celebrating birthdays and nights out, us 3 not so cool (real) people have decided not to let it bother us, the original kicked out one was upset, I still stay in touch with her, from your name OP are you a GoT fan? If so me too, can't wait for next season, something to look forward to xx

roundaboutthetown · 27/03/2017 18:14

They do sound a bit pathetic. You have to be a bit generally inadequate and immature to behave in such a fashion. Definitely not friendships to mourn over.

TheLegendOfBeans · 27/03/2017 18:16

Fuck 'em OP

These threads are depressingly common on here and for anyone that says something like "get over it" or "you all sound 12 years old" - well maybe when "friends" stab us in the back it does take us back to our most basic feelings of upset and injustice, usually felt first time in the playground and before we each sexual maturity and have men do it to us instead

famousfour · 27/03/2017 18:16

How strange. I hope they weren't supposedly good friends Flowers

Gatecrasher61 · 27/03/2017 18:18

Do not speak or write to them. You are understandably upset and you may get emotional. These 'friends' don't care about your feelings. They are toxic.

Delete them from your life. If they notice, then be polite and tell them what they did was hurtful, but try not to get emotional. Get emotional and they will laugh at you behind your back.

People like this are the reason I don't have female friends.

Xanadu44 · 27/03/2017 18:20

How old are these people?? You are better off without them. Especially as rather than speak to you about it they remove you from the group. Consider yourself lucky to be away from people this rude and inconsiderate and now concentrate on other friends, or making other friends who deserve your time and effort. They really are not worth it.

jayne1976 · 27/03/2017 18:24

say you went to watch as children were desperate, and the kids were desperately saying it was you guys sat in front

CalmItKermitt · 27/03/2017 18:25

Bitches!! 😡

Here, have some brackets (((OP)))

I hate this sort of thing 💐

Privett · 27/03/2017 18:26

I have had a similar problem where ds's friend was coming to play, had been arranged for a few days. Another parent told friends mum to tell me she had double booked and that the 2nd booking needed more attention. Many months later when she asked for a playdate I replied I would let her know on the day because I'd heard her make an excuse last time and that my ds was very upset. She was embarrased!! Playdate went ahead but no more playdates have happened. Shame really coz both children get on very well but the other friend is very jealous.

KitKat1985 · 27/03/2017 18:27

Sorry OP. What horrible women. Sad

Jojofjo44 · 27/03/2017 18:32

I'd have done a really passive aggressive status...and tagged them in it.

"Great picture of us all at the cinema watching Beauty and the Beast - oh wait I appear to be missing from the photo - perhaps because I wasn't invited.
Bye Felicias it's been erm lovely knowing you "

Haha.

yaela123 · 27/03/2017 18:33

chastened Wow I could have written that post almost word for word except it was in my teens.

Noticing a bit of a pattern here...

But we have to remember we only know one side of the story

Still, how horrible for you OP Flowers Wine Cake

starfish2020 · 27/03/2017 18:35

That's just shit.
You are much better off without "friends" like that.

Leanne707 · 27/03/2017 18:37

There not real friends. Something similar happened to me with one of my closet friends she planned a BBQ and had invited me weeks before just did not know what date it would be at then I found out she had the BBQ and invited people from the street we grew up in she weren't even friends with so after that didn't ever speak to her ignored all her calls and messages and invites to her kids party's to me friends don't do that to friends. Since then I've made better friends one inpaticular that's become the best friend I've ever had and I know she would never do anything to upset me in anyway so my advice is to wash your hands of these wrongens no one needs people like this in there lives

Tiredemma · 27/03/2017 18:48

Awful bunch.

How do you know them? work friends/uni/school??

ahamsternest · 27/03/2017 19:04

How cowardly of them.

They blocked you because they couldn't face up to what they'd done. No doubt they will fall over themselves trying to rationalise their behaviour.

You are better off shot of them.

mummylove2monsters · 27/03/2017 19:10

Yes how do you know them ? while I'd want to know why .... I think I'd just walk away - the more bothered they think you are the more powerful they will feel - please try to just decide for yourself that you don't want or need them xxxx big hugs OP , I've been there and trust me , the day I stopped caring what they were doing was great . Don't allow this to consume you ( it did me and it's so draining) .
Go see Beauty and the Beast ! I hear it's great xxxx

Bunnyfuller · 27/03/2017 19:17

IT is a horrible rejection, and somehow from supposed friends it hurts us even more. I've had it happen twice (that I found out about) and tbh it still grates now, years on. Some women can be cows and it only takes one to start bitching and it's a runaway train. I think the hurtful bit is the hidden snapchat. There's usually a ringleader and then they all justify each other. Stay away, it's truly not worth the heartache.

I'm 50 this year and it still astonishes me how vile women are to each other (sometimes before I get jumped on - see previous comment!)

Lovingit81 · 27/03/2017 19:21

Jesus Christ what is this, 7th grade? Can understand you being upset Flowers they are clearly tossers. Best thing is probably just to leave it but I would send a msg saying you went and saw them and they can suck your dick but I'm prob a bit too 'to the point for most'! Grin x

kitkat71 · 27/03/2017 19:42

Sorry to hear that your 'friends' have been so horrible OP, but please protect yourself, and don't make any more effort to find the reasons behind it. If you ask mutual friends they will, undoubtedly find out, they'll know that you're still hurt by their actions and in turn, that they still have power over you. Don't give them the power to hurt you again, just disengage!

ComeOnSpring · 27/03/2017 19:52

I would have nothing more to do with them.

They sounds like total bitches.

Yasmin737 · 27/03/2017 19:53

Blimey - sorry about typos mountain