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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To confront these so called friends?

310 replies

YouKnowNothingJS · 26/03/2017 20:57

Arranged to see Beauty and the Beast with 3 friends. In a group chat, two cancelled as they couldn't afford it and the third cancelled as we should do it instead when everyone is free.

Flat mate who is also friends with one of them saw on snapchat that they'd all gone this afternoon. They'd blocked me from seeing this Snapchat.

Aibu to confront them? Tempted to leave a message in our group chat.

OP posts:
ComeOnSpring · 27/03/2017 19:55

Leave the chat and any other chats you are on with them, unfriend them all on everything and never speak to any of them again.

ThreeLeggedHaggis · 27/03/2017 19:55

I doubt you missed anything by not finding out the "reason," because the true reason is probably that they're mean girls.

This happened to me once and the reason they gave (through a mutual friend) was that my illness (diabetes) made them "uncomfortable." Mutual friend was no longer friends with them after that.

dailystuck71 · 27/03/2017 20:00

Horrible behaviour.

Tapandgo · 27/03/2017 20:01

They weren't friends or they would never have behaved like that. Move on from them and find new ones that are mature and trustworthy 💐

ChickenVindaloo2 · 27/03/2017 20:03

Thanks, Chastened!

Hopethisoneisnottaken · 27/03/2017 20:05

oh i feel for you... something similar happened to me and i confronted my so called friends/ family... they gave me some lame excuse for not inviting me... but by then the damage had been done. i couldn't get over it and decided to just let them be and kept contact to absolute minimum. i make some excuse to avoid going when they do invite me now. so really up to you if you want to confront them. Are you kind who can put this behind you?

Sparklyglitter · 27/03/2017 20:09

What mean girls!! Go and have a lot if fun with other friends and book to go and see it with people that are kind! Don't do anything with them you will spend more time thinking how to make them feel as bad as they've made you feel, which is destructive - f*ck em and Spite them by having lots of fun! Fun! Fun!

coulditbeforever · 27/03/2017 20:16

If you can let this go, let it go, they are not worth your time, for anyone to do this to someone else is cruel. Take the high road and find someone else whom would enjoy your company. I have come to the conclusion that no one truly wants to have a trustworthy, loyal respectful friendship nowadays, this world is full of two faced selfish and untrustworthy humans. I'm so sorry OP you were treated in this way 💐

Hopethisoneisnottaken · 27/03/2017 20:18

you cant ask them without sounding desperate and pathetic. and remember it is 3 of them and they gonna gossip about you. just be cool about it and still talk if someone contacts you but i wouldn't go out with them anymore. don't bring the topic up and gradually reduce any contact... if anyone of them want to genuinely still be friends, they will approach you and stay in touch and may even voluntarily offer an explanation.

for next few days it is best to keep yourself busy and go out with other friends... even put those outings on social media for them to see... this will serve two purposes...one they know that you got other options and nit solely dependent on them... second it is very hard to lose friends and going out with others will ease the process. over time you will get over them.

TheMysteriousJackelope · 27/03/2017 20:35

I know this hurts and is really horrible right now, but they seem to be mentally functioning like spiteful 12 year olds (because normal 12 year olds don't act like this). They aren't friends and it's better you find out what they are like now rather than investing years more of your time and energy in them. They would have turned on you eventually, or sucked you into treating someone else like they have treated you. Either way, you have sort of dodged a bullet with this group.

I'd advise finding plenty of things to do over the next couple of weeks so you don't have time to think about their silliness or their very existence.

Katherine2626 · 27/03/2017 20:35

So sorry you have had such a nasty, bad feeling experience. Do you need 'friends' like this? I would cut them out completely on every level from this moment, and if any one of them approaches you why not say, with a smile 'You seemed to be getting along just fine without me at the film, and one thing I'm not short of is friends'. If you have caught them out on this occasion, what else might have gone on, and what might go on in the future? You could never trust them again.

kennycat · 27/03/2017 20:37

That's really shitty. I'd be having a right old cry about that if I was you. I've been in that situation before and it totally sucks. If you are brave enough, confront them. I never have, I've had a lonely weep about it, then avoided the people in question till the upset isn't so raw. I wish I'd spoken up though - people shouldn't be allowed to make other people feel as shit as you must do.
I hope they get pooed on by a pigeon or slip over inn dog doo in the next few days. Karma and all that.x

MusicToMyEars800 · 27/03/2017 20:40

they are not friends worth having!! they lied to you about not going to get rid of you no doubt and then went without you and tried to keep it from you, get rid of them and find some real friends.

hollyisalovelyname · 27/03/2017 21:07

When somebody shows you what they are like. Believe them.

I read this on Mumsnet.
It's a quote from Maya Angelou.

They are it your friends.

Harree · 27/03/2017 21:14

Hope you're ok, OP, Flowers They sound like real bitches & you're better off without them in your life...

Katie0705 · 27/03/2017 21:19

I agree with moanyoldcow! Dreadful thing to do to you. They are definitely not friends...loose them!

Needchange · 27/03/2017 21:27

How heartless can people be, screw them and it's there loss missing out on want you could bring to a friendship. Somehow try find new friends to do things with, you didn't miss out as it wouldn't of been a good time with people like that, you were better off not going.

Unicorn81 · 27/03/2017 21:30

5 by 5 rule - if its not gojng to matter in 5 years, its not worth wasting 5 mins being upsetby it. They sound like a bunch of bitches, better off without them, dont let get to you.

Daydream007 · 27/03/2017 21:39

They sound very childish. Not friends at all.

Katie0705 · 27/03/2017 21:59

ChickenVindaloo2 That is a priceless response! What reaction did you get?

Purplealienpuke · 27/03/2017 22:39

Simple group message..... 'FUCKERS'

DJBaggySmalls · 27/03/2017 22:56

People like that have to hang out in groups of 3. One of them will be the ringleader who likes to be in control, and they have 2 followers.
In a group of 4 people can pair off. The person who wants to be in control doesn't like that, as if 2 people do something together they feel excluded.

ChangelingToday · 27/03/2017 23:02

😢I'm sad for you, I know if it were me I'd find that very difficult to recover from. I'm hoping that you don't have to work or see any of these people on a regular basis so you can move on and find some lovely genuine friends ❤️

manicinsomniac · 27/03/2017 23:17

I'm so sorry, that's beyond hurtful. Immature or not, I would be crying and obsessing over this for days if it happened to me. It just seems so out of the blue. Are they long term, close friends? Has anything happened to make you think they were growing distant from you?

I'm sure everyone is right in saying 'ignore and move on' but I can imagine how hard that will be if they have been your good friends.

Do you have other groups of friends?

MusicToMyEars800 · 27/03/2017 23:19

I didn't read through previous posts Blush but just wanted to add, good for you for calling them out on it, and I hope they feel like absolute shit about the way they have behaved!! but something tells me that they are the type of people that won't even bat an eyelid at the fact they have been complete cunts!! you deserve to have good friends that won't do shit like that.

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