To NOT have to pay for my step kids when they are here?

[Loulou0]

Before I get started- I know that 'family money' is a big thing on MN. But for various reasons it is not something we do. DH pays mortgage and bills, I pay everything else; childcare, groceries, clothes holidays etc. It works out roughly equal.

Before we got married and had kids we had a discussion about money and came to this agreement based on DH's tight fistedness. The theory being, if we had to go halves on holidays, clothes, Xmas etc they would all be shit because DH hates to spend money. He agreed to this 100%.

The only deviation from this is that DH agreed to pay for his kids' expenses when they come EOW. He has 3 kids now aged 13-16. We have a baby and a toddler together.

Without fail, EOW, DH 'forgets' to stock up on groceries for his kids. And 3 kids of that age eat A LOT. So, every other Monday the cupboards and fridge are empty. I replenish at a cost of average £70.

I love these kids and wouldn't want them to go without obviously, but why should it cost me £140 a month??

DH is well off but has a strange attitude to spending money on other people. ( hence our pre marriage and kids agreement!)

Despite being able to afford more, he only pays minimum child support to his ex. (She is very wealthy and DH says she doesn't need the money. I don't think think that's the point but that's another thread... )

Anyway, I'm waffling. AIBU to get my DH to reimburse me each week for the money I have to spend on groceries for the SDC? He seems to think I'm being mean. But a) we had an agreement and b) it feels like yet another way for home to get out of paying anything for his kids!

I have no delusions that DH would be any more generous with me should we divorce. However, I'm legally entitled to half the equity in the house and I am financially independent ( I own another property have savings, some investments, decent job, minimal debt)

^This^^.
OP - Be warned & don't be fooled ^^was me. I had 3 kids with the exh. He got 60k & I got 10k out of the family home eventhough I had paid the deposit & most other things as i was 'allowed' to keep the things I'd worked so hard for - my house, pension, savings etc.. He refused to pay towards the kids or anything they needed. Refused to pay maintenance & tries to get extra time with them to avoid paying. Hes a shit dad & a piir excuse for a human being.
You might need to 'review your situation. Mean people never change & are only happy when someone else is footing the bill.

Oh, yeah, just sit him down for a chat. That will solve it all.

The OP is long gone. She'll carry on with this abusive twat. He's a 'great dad'. At least he's no longer costing her £70.

The OP is presumably long gone because she's happy with the outcome and has no desire to read all the abuse her dh is getting because actually, apart from being tight fisted, he's a pretty good dh.
Oh and btw, how many men pay above the required amount of maintenance for their dcs? Op has already said dh's ex is well off and dh pays what he is required to pay. Nothing wrong with that.

dh's new wife, that should have read.

Send him out WITH his kids when they get there to get some food in

Isn't he entitled to half of your shit as well or have I missed something.

Hermionejeangranger

Well said

Well, it's not great, but if he's okay in all other respects, I say pay the for groceries and give his kids a nice time. You know you're doing the right thing. Maybe take his kids with you when you shop and subtly let them see that you are paying - they might realise that you are doing more for them than their dad does. You could always ask for money later on - for a family expense he does cough up for, but fudge the numbers a bit to get your own back.

Fair enough you get the extra luxuries but is it fairly equal or less on essentials? Does the essential element of your spending roughly equal, or come in less, than the bills and mortgage?

If that comes in more then you need to re evaluate.

I could not tolarate such a man and to me he is beyond unreasonable. In my culture parents go way beyond their means to provide for their children and the fact that -as you said- he is well off and still insists not to provide for them is absoletuly insane.
i could understand if you said it upsets your family budget but as this is not the case i find him very harsh.

Essentially your hubby is ensuring that he pays for the mortgage so that if you ever divorce, it will make it harder for you to lay claim to any share of the property. Many men are like this. Avoid them.