Told I should be dating even though I have a 15m old son?

[Marmalade85]

Totally prepared to get flamed but I am shocked by the number of mothers with young DCs that jump into relationships almost straight after a break up.

How do you know these men aren't targeting you for being a single mother? How do you know they aren't child abusers? How do you know the relationship will last?

I'm speaking as a single mother with a toddler, I've been single for 7 months and wouldn't dream of a relationship for several years yet I've been told to get back out there. AIBU?

How do you know someone isn't a weirdo even if you choose to have a child with them? Like you said, you often don't find out until it's too late because more often than not those type or people are often very good at hiding that side of themselves from people for a very long time, but most people AREN'T weirdos.
You don't have to introduce the child for a long time if you're not ready for that, but it doesn't mean there's anything wrong with dating whilst being a single parent.

If you prefer not to then that's your fair choice to make, but not for you to judge other people because they choose to be different than yourself.

OP so you won't date because it puts your child at risk? And you are judging others for putting their child at 'risk' by dating?

Do you put your child's life at risk by driving? Because babies have been killed in car accidents.

Do you risk your child's life by taking them shopping? Because children have been kidnapped and killed from shopping centres.

I wouldn't recommend teaching your baby to swim either, far too risky.

If you don't want to date, then don't. But get off your high horse and stop judging others for dating because YOU think it's too 'risky'.

I've been there too op.

Are you getting some support from WA?

I met my DH when my DD was 11mths he has always been in her life and is so important to her as her own Dad has never stepped up. She is a teenager now. You sound very anxious, not everyone is a child abuser. My DH was targeting me, we just met and hit it off. You must have a very low opinion of men which is sad for you and your DS..

The misogynistic one i saw today aimed at single mums.

"Your kids shouldnt meet every man you date Your vagina shouldnt either"

Havent seen a similar meme aimed at single dads. Bet there isnt one.

That should say was not targeting

On the flip side why would a woman choose to date a man with children? It works 2 ways

OP I think it's fine to be cautious and ultimately it's always your choice if you're not ready then of course you shouldn't date

Judging others in the terms you have is really unreasonable and arrogant

Not every man attracted to a woman with a baby is for your reasons (which frankly that post is a bit unhinged ) it may be they fell for the woman before realising they had a baby or they have no issue , these days it's not uncommon so I suspect it doesn't put men off as much as in the past (and if it does put them off good riddance)

Of course it's about being careful if you move a man in 3 months in with your kids then yep noone is going to the hinky that's wise

Ironically Im often accused of being paranoid about my dc safety in regards to abuse....I've spent a long time professionally hearing stories that would make your toes curl

It would be years not months before a potential partner would even meet my kids

But it's not reasonable to judge others or make blanket statements.....you do you and let others make their own choices

Just saw that you've were a victim of DV so apologise if my previous post came across as harsh when you clearly have some anxiety issues. But the point still stands that almost every decision you make for your child comes with an element of risk, so best not to judge others for their decisions.

YANBU.

If you are not ready then don't. No one has the right to tell you to start dating, or to not start dating.

Kelley that's okay. I'm trying not to judge but rather understand the mentality. Why would you even be thinking of a new relationship when you have a young child/children who has already been through a lot? Doesn't make sense to me.

Op I mean this in the kindest possible way. Have you had any therapy since splitting? If not please do consider it.

You can also date and stay safe. I recently split with a guy I had been seeing for over a year. He hadn't met my dc's. Not because I thought he was weird or anything but because I didn't know if we would last. So when we split I didn't have any added guilt of my kids meeting him. Before him there was a few ons and again never met, and not even spoke about the dc's with them.

But if your not ready to date that's also fine.

I have a friend who has always said the same thing than you.
She separated when her dd was 2yo.
Move on a few years and she started to have ONS or friends with benefits but NOT a relationship for the same reasons than you stated.
Her dd is now 10yo and she is steeling with a naive guy.

I truly believe that she just hadn't found someone nice enough/that she felt she could trust enough before that.

Now I think that you are coming from a very nice place. Yu want to protect your DC and you are putting them first. Which is VERY good.Don't forget though that you are not just mum. Youare also you, a woman, and one that deserves to be happy, like anyone else. It would be a shame to forgo the opportunity to be happy or create a new family because if your fear that it will the same than your last relationship.

And YY about counselling too.

Sorry it should have been she is settling with a nice guy.....

You have some strange ideas OP.

Stay single for as long as you want. Its your choice but dont expect others to live by your odd view point and rules.

My boss at work had been single for 14 years as she didn't want her children to have lots of 'uncles' in and out of their lives.

OP can you not understand that you can date and your child have no idea that it's even happening?
Do you think all single Mums take their children out on dates with them?
Spoiler - we don't. That's wierd

You sound a bit ridiculous tbh

Thank you all for your posts but I really don't understand why you would want some random bloke in your life while you're looking after your young child. Even if you think it's okay, how do you do you find the time?

OP - if you don't want a relationship now - that's ok. Considering your past - I understand why.

However, it's not for you to judge those who do - they don't have the same anxieties or worries as you do. Live and let live.

You don't understand how someone would want something even though you don't want it?
Really????

Yes nocapes because I'm surprised about their disregard for their child's safety.

But again - how is someone going out for dinner with a guy who's never met their child, while their child is safe somewhere else disregarding their child's safety??

Honestly you just sound a bit stupid now

None of your business really is it.

I suppose its the same way as couples who have children and find the time to still be a couple.

I dated my partner while my DC were with their dad. I would imagine thats how many single mums date.

People like companions don't they?

Some children go off to the other parent for the weekend/mid week giving the resident parents time to socialise and stuff like that?