To be pissed off that my dp is still married after 16 years together?

[Kaylasmum49]

I've been with my dp for 16 years now, we have two dcs. He is still married! I've brought it up numerous times over the years and there always been some excuse as to why he can't divorce her, lack of money being the main reason. Tonight I brought it up again, his wife is Japanese, he told me that she might get put out of the country if he divorces her. Aibu to not give a flying f**k about her and to be really upset by his response? Our house is in his name and if anything happens to my dp I'm worried that she would have rights to our home and that myself and my dcs would be homeless.

What a load of nonsense,
Let me clear it all up. I DON'T judge other people. My comment was about the 12 hours in childcare that it was directed at. Just because I don't want to use childcare doesn't mean that I think badly of people who do. My children have all gone to council run nurseries so I'm not totally opposed to other people looking after my dcs. Where did I imply that people who use childcare do so to fund holidays etc?? And so what if I said that I would live within my means if need be, what's wrong with that?.

I do suffer from anxiety which at its worst can be crippling, I can go years without a bad episode and am atm recovering from a particularly prolonged attack. I've tried my hardest to keep it away from kids and have an appt in June with psychology. I have absolutely no need to exaggerate for effect. Don't you think I already feel guilty that my children all have issues, I blame myself so you don't need to point that out to me.

Odd!? Thanks for that!

I started this thread about my dp not being divorced and was grateful for the advice until people started insulting me and telling me that I'm fucked, screwed etc. Not really helpful.

I have a mental health illness which is intermittent and normally occurs after a prolonged period of extreme stress but I do manage to deal with it for the most part. My physical health is'nt a huge problem in that in the job I do doesn't worsen the issues mentioned. I brought it up because if I have to leave my job and find another it might be more difficult for me.

I never said my partners a good guy, I said more or less he's not completely evil. My health is no real problem in my current job and I didn't realise the precarious financial situation that I was in until recently, hence the reason for this post.

So I'm odd and eccentric! aren't you a very judgemental person. Pot, kettle, black!

Also, please don't equate a daily personal struggle with health as a direct indicator of a person being stable and /or creating a healthy base for her children.

The underlying assumptions in making that correlation as a 'fact' needs questioning.

Living with any health condition is very different from the kill or cure type of schema being applied here.

You cure a broken leg, and it's either broken or fixed (although even then it's not that simple), but for chronic conditions you can't apply binary labels (or moral judgements): yes/no, kill/cure, good/bad, failure/success, these labels don't work. Unless of course you think anyone who has to live with any kind of health condition or disablility is instantly a terrible parent? A lesser person? Not capable in some way simply because they have the misfortune to be ill?

The definition of 'managing' a condition, be it physical or mental, isn't about popping a pill or having another way of making the condition disappear. If it could be made so invisible in someone's life, then they'd have nothing to manage would they? It's about struggling every day to mitigate the effects of your illness and carry on doing more than anyone can possibly imagine just to get through the day.

And yes, some days you can be crippled by your illness, be it physical or mental crippling, it's still bloody awful to live with, but you endure, you struggle, you do all you can to protect others from it, and you employ every coping strategy you know. And these strategies don't magically eliminate your symptoms, but help you control them as much as possible. And so life goes on.

I don't know the OP so have no idea about her parenting and homelife, but I do know that you cannot possibly make assumptions from the OP admitting she battles with a really awful mental health condition, anxiety.

Yours, a cripple in body, and probably a bit in mind too

You're behaving oddly. Don't know if you are generally an odd person. The internet is a weird place (Mumsnet doubly so). People often behave online in a way they never would in real life.

You also seem to be under the impression you can say anything you like and then when people start making inferences you can dictate how they interpret what you've said by "clearing it up". That isn't how a conversation works. . . What you say, what you meant to say and how other ppl receive it doesn't all necessarily line up.

Miscellaneous, thank you for your post. All I want is for my kids to be happy and contented and to do my best for them, just like any other parent. I make mistakes like everyone else but I try to be a good person.

Lela, maybe you're actually the odd one, have you thought of that? Explain please why I'm behaving oddly. It seems that you're the one that's under the impression that you can say what you want and to insult people at the same time.

I wanted to "clear it up" because some of the things you said that I had said were actually untrue. Where am I dictating to anyone?

Hmm......I think you're in the mood for an argument, find someone else cos I can't be arsed with this