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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think party tea should be provided by the host not the guests?

293 replies

fourteenlittleducks · 21/03/2017 20:48

Or is this a thing now?

Friend's child turning 3. Invitation says to bring a dish instead of a gift.

I've never been to a party where food isn't provided by the host! It seems grabby to get your guests to bring the food with them. The point of birthday gifts is for the child's pleasure, not to save parents the expense of catering!

And I'm dubious about the hygiene aspect.

Or am I just being old fashioned?

OP posts:
littlejeopardy · 22/03/2017 18:57

Gosh I have been to and held potlucks (Jacob Joins) lots of times especially in Summer. Its an easy way of getting a large group of people together. We do this every Christmas for our big family get together and take turns hosting it between our houses. Never saw it as stingy before just low key and efficient.

expatinscotland · 22/03/2017 19:04

Might be strangers, 001, too Shock and not a 'reputable caterer'. Imagine! Drive through terrorists, mass shootings, bombings and FOOD PREPARED BY FOOD!!!

expatinscotland · 22/03/2017 19:06

STRANGERS!

I got HepA from meat from a supermarket. The only times I've had food poisoning, it's been from a restaurant.

Astro55 · 22/03/2017 19:08

I hadn't food poisoning as well - was a very fancy wedding reception

SapphireStrange · 22/03/2017 19:09

Agreed; I've only ever had food poisoning from shop/restaurant/home-cooked food.

Pericombobulations · 22/03/2017 19:16

As someone with OCD and emetophobia, you are doing your best to give your children huge issues with food as they get older. My mum did as you did, and I developed the above.

I still cant eat at a lot of places due to my issues, but I will be damned if I dont do my best to encourage my child to not develop them. He eats anywhere, is 13 and has never yet got food poisoning and only one tummy bug so far and that was one that went round school. My only bouts were self inflicted and one wedding at a hotel.

Remember that your children only have to hear once "we dont eat there" to develop an issue.

Falafelings · 22/03/2017 22:28

Regular parties don't often have caterers anyway. Usually it's just the parents laying on a spread from their own kitchen.

SarahAnderson · 22/03/2017 23:36

In New Zealand this is extremely common. Bring a plate, pot luck, whatever.

I'm a bit upset that people think it's rude tbh! It's lovely. We do it all the time.

SarahAnderson · 22/03/2017 23:39

I've been to two pot luck weddings in New Zealand. They're really nice as you get a big mixture of foods and it's a lovely feeling when everyone's contributed something to the day. If you can't cook you can buy something, that's fine.

SuperBeagle · 22/03/2017 23:53

I'm a bit upset that people think it's rude tbh! It's lovely. We do it all the time.

The UK (mainly England) still has a very classist culture, so don't be upset. We have moved beyond that sort of thinking.

SuperBeagle · 22/03/2017 23:53

Oh and I say "we" as I'm from Australia Sarah

Lucy7400 · 23/03/2017 00:00

I think it sounds nice.

CloneClubSestra · 23/03/2017 01:16

Sarah and Super agree with you. A 'bring a plate' event is so fun - always something new to try and great conversation starter over the ingredients etc. Thankfully I'm not embarrassed by this social style. I do both - cater for the masses or just open my home and have everyone else provide the food.

Fourteen at age 3 it's easier to steer them away from communal food. Hopefully your dc will be interested in trying other people's food when the opportunity arises and not be afraid of being poisoned.

I am one of those who laughs when toddlers attempt to eat dirt (gut/other chronic health conditions aside of course) as it's a voyage of discovery for them.

Original poster
fourteenlittleducks · 23/03/2017 10:18

I am one of those who laughs when toddlers attempt to eat dirt

Yes this is the attitude that worries me!

If you are so cavalier about germs, do you also feel hand-washing is unecessary?

All sorts of pathogens lurk in dirt. Some can cause serious disease as well as minor tummy bugs.
I'm happy for my DC to play in mud, climb trees etc but they know to wash hands after and not to touch their faces with dirty hands.

OP posts:
ImFuckingSpartacus · 23/03/2017 10:21

You think they never touch their faces when they play where its dirty?

You think you have a level of control that you don't, and you are going to give your children serious issues.

Original poster
fourteenlittleducks · 23/03/2017 10:31

Spartacus, no you can't control everything but you can reduce their exposure to harmful pathogens by teaching them good hygiene procedures.

How do you think people contract toxoplasmosis, bacterial skin/eye infections, campylobacter etc?

OP posts:
PutABitofButteronTheSpudsAndre · 23/03/2017 11:22

The reason they do it in Aus, in my circles at least, is so you can arrange mass gatherings at the drop of a hat and frequently.
A call goes out, weathers good this weekend, we'll be down the park by the beach/everyone's welcome at ours, 'bring a plate' (this means bring food, not an empty plate).
Generally over time everyone develops their signature dish and brings that.
Host tends to provide basics like bread rolls, juice, napkins, etc
The advantages are many
A) it's not up to the host to plan everything so more likely that someone will kick it off
B) doesn't matter how many people show up, there will be the right amount of food
C) allergies are coped with
D) you have hilarious reminisces about 'that time no one brought drinks' or there were 4 kinds of hummus.
E) doesn't matter if you get it wrong, there'll be another one in 6-8 weeks.
F) doesn't matter if you are sick hungover at the last minute and can't attend
G) random food you'd never try other wise
H) if you only want to eat your own food, honestly no-one cares.

Seriously tho- hygiene issue?. If you haven't noticed your friends having food poisoning at least once a year, I think you can infer they have the situation under control.

You don't sound like you'd enjoy the kinds of parties we have tho.

WaegukSaram · 23/03/2017 12:03

I don't think the OP sounds like she enjoys much at all!

OP you must have heard of the hygiene hypothesis. Germs are GOOD for children. By being this OTT you're not helping their future immunity.

expatinscotland · 23/03/2017 12:31

You need therapy, fourteen, and I'm starting to believe you are a wind up merchant. Have you declined yet? Told the host you won't be continuing the friendship because she's rude and grabby?

Potlucks are ace, Sarah, pay no mind. My signature baked bean casserole and polar pizza are tasty.

00100001 · 23/03/2017 12:32

what's a polar pizza expat??

expatinscotland · 23/03/2017 12:39

You make sugar cookie dough, then you roll it out and bake it in a baking tray, flat, instead of making biscuits with it. Then you whip up some cream. Once the biscuit base is cool, you spread the cream over the top and sprinkle over crushed Twix or whatever chocolate you like and drizzle over chocolate sauce. Stick it in the fridge and cut into rectangles to serve.

Astro55 · 23/03/2017 14:06

There is room research that suggests kids are too clean - not playing in mud - as an example and therefore not being exposed to germs that they build an resistance too

Not all bugs are bag - less bugs build resistance - both mean healthier kids

sparechange · 23/03/2017 14:09

OP, this isn't even close to normal

In the kindest way, you really need to get help for this issue before it ruins your childrens' lives

WaegukSaram · 23/03/2017 14:11

OMG the polar pizza sounds amazing. Thanks for the recipe.

However, is it prepared in a sterile environment?

Porpoiselife · 23/03/2017 14:11

I been to loads of bring a dish things. But never for a toddler party. Those saying it's normal etc I totally agree but usually those sorts of things are mostly adults or a mixture, not a bunch of toddlers.

Perhaps this toddler party is aimed more for the adults, as I'm sure a 3 year old couldn't give a monkeys what food is there! Except cake!

Don't get the hygiene thing though op, that's really weird!