Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think party tea should be provided by the host not the guests?

293 replies

fourteenlittleducks · 21/03/2017 20:48

Or is this a thing now?

Friend's child turning 3. Invitation says to bring a dish instead of a gift.

I've never been to a party where food isn't provided by the host! It seems grabby to get your guests to bring the food with them. The point of birthday gifts is for the child's pleasure, not to save parents the expense of catering!

And I'm dubious about the hygiene aspect.

Or am I just being old fashioned?

OP posts:
Falafelings · 23/03/2017 14:13

It doesn't really matter what the norm is, always good to try something different

rogueantimatter · 23/03/2017 14:15

Wow. Such rude replies to OP. It seems that some posters are on a mission to impugn the OP's character.

To answer the OQ? Bring a dish does seem to be a thing now. Who knew? I didn't. Fair enough question IMO.

Most posters don't worry about the hygiene. A tiny minority do.

Swirlingasong · 23/03/2017 14:42

We do a similar sort of party at a toddler group I go to about five of six times a year. I have been taking my children there on and off for five years so have probably attended such parties about twenty times. No one has ever got ill.

I think this sounds like a great idea for a birthday party. I wish they were all a bit simpler and more laid back.

apringle · 23/03/2017 17:44

Everyone is so picky about what their toddler can eat so she's probably doing everyone a favour! Haha

Serialweightwatcher · 23/03/2017 17:54

Sorry NRFT but I would be a bit uncomfortable with this too - it's okay if there are say 10 and you all know each other's habits, but 30 parents making food could be a bit dodgy. I just worry sometimes in other's houses when I don't know them well if they cooled rice down instead of leaving it out for hours, had mayo based stuff out too long etc etc ... very easy to get food poisoning, especially little ones. Hopefully though people will actually buy stuff instead of making it.

purplecoathanger · 23/03/2017 17:55

It's a bit odd for a 3 year old party. Sounds more like a student/adult party. Most 3 year olds at parties just want a few crisps, a sandwich triangle , biscuits and cake don't they?

This ^

SapphireStrange · 23/03/2017 17:58

Genuine question. Do you think that a bunch of three-year-olds, confronted with some food and all their friends, would sit and think 'This is an odd kind of party; it's not all crisps, sandwich triangles, biscuits and cake.'?

Or do you think they'd have a nice time?

daisypond · 23/03/2017 18:02

I think it sounds nice. No piles of endless tat for the child - teaching them that a birthday is about celebrating with friends and games, not millions of gifts. No doubt the child will get some presents from family and that will be more than enough.
I don't get the hygiene thing either. People manage to survive without killing themselves, their friends and neighbours with their cooking in the main.

shhhgobacktosleep · 23/03/2017 18:07

I think it's a great idea. As a previous poster pointed out its teaching children that their attendance and sharing of the experience is more important than the gift the host may receive. Who wants a house full of the tat that kids get bought for their birthday parties anyway? As for hygiene - where do the guests come from that makes you think this may be a problem? I'd rather my child ate homemade dishes than the floppy pizza and congealed fries served up at soft play parties any day. If you're that worried just restrict your child to the dish you took.

Dieu · 23/03/2017 18:15

God, I hate these joyless ideas. Parents should provide the food, guests provide presents. It's a child's birthday!

amboinsainbos · 23/03/2017 18:17

I think it's a great idea. As a previous poster pointed out its teaching children that their attendance and sharing of the experience is more important than the gift the host may receive

You are teaching your child that in order to attend the party you have to bring food to feed yourself and others.

Who wants a house full of the tat that kids get bought for their birthday parties anyway?

The birthday child? I'm sure he/she would choose an item of plastic tat over a plate of ham sandwiches.

SapphireStrange · 23/03/2017 18:26

Dieu, what is 'joyless' about children and their friends and families getting together and sharing food?

Original poster
fourteenlittleducks · 23/03/2017 18:27

it's okay if there are say 10 and you all know each other's habits, but 30 parents making food could be a bit dodgy

Exactly this.
I wouldn't mind if it was our group of close friends. We all take it in turns to provide food when hosting play-dates. We all have clean kitchens, wash hands, store food safely.

I don't think you can be too careful with toddlers really. Food poisoning and viruses can make young children seriously ill. I'm not advocating a sterile environment at all, just basic hygiene and hand washing. Knowing where and how food has been prepared.

Discussed this with a couple of mutual friends today, they feel the same way. We're going to bring extra food to the party and stick to that or the shop-bought things. Good solution IMO.

I can see the appeal of a potluck party for impromptu gatherings and big community events. Still not sure about a toddler party though. We will see!

OP posts:
Original poster
fourteenlittleducks · 23/03/2017 18:36

God, I hate these joyless ideas. Parents should provide the food, guests provide presents. It's a child's birthday!

Why is it joyless to provide food for your guests? They are coming specially to celebrate your child's birthday. It's nice to feed people. Even if just nibbles, it's a way of thanking them for coming. Presents are irrelevant really. Most bring a token gift but do you notice (or care) if someone doesn't? I wouldn't and nor would DD.

OP posts:
SapphireStrange · 23/03/2017 18:36

We're going to bring extra food to the party and stick to that or the shop-bought things.

Yeah, because no one's ever had food poisoning from anything bought from a shop.

Don't you think that, at a potluck impromptu gathering or big community event, there might be toddlers present?

SapphireStrange · 23/03/2017 18:37

Why is it joyless to provide food for your guests?

Why is it joyless to ask people to bring things to share?

Original poster
fourteenlittleducks · 23/03/2017 18:39

Sorry Dieu, may have misread your post. Did you mean traditional way is joyless or potluck parties?

OP posts:
IamFriedSpam · 23/03/2017 18:41

You are teaching your child that in order to attend the party you have to bring food to feed yourself and others.

Lol that is so clearly NOT the message the child will get from a pot luck party! Even if it was surely it's a nicer message than saying to attend the party you have to bring a gift.

IamFriedSpam · 23/03/2017 18:44

The birthday child? I'm sure he/she would choose an item of plastic tat over a plate of ham sandwiches.

At three years old both of mine had more pressies than they wanted or needed and that was just from family - most never got played with. A three year old enjoys the party but quite often isn't as materialistic as adults. It would be a sad world if a 3 year old can't enjoy their party without getting a huge pile of 30 presents!

cosytoaster · 23/03/2017 18:54

God, I hate these joyless ideas. Parents should provide the food, guests provide presents. It's a child's birthday!

Me too, just so worthy

damewithaname · 23/03/2017 19:09

Maybe don't go to the party if it seems too much to ask... personally, if someone asked me to provide a plate of eats, I would take a gift along too 😊

daisypond · 23/03/2017 19:10

Why is it joyless? The joy comes from the food, the fun and games in the party, the friends and relatives coming round, the laughter, and yes, a few presents from relatives. Why do 30+ presents equate to joy? Especially for a toddler?

Jux · 23/03/2017 19:35

Is your area very diverse? Maybe a lot of the children have special diets, and some have allergies etc and it's all too complicated for one person to feed them all, so they've asked this, because then all children will get something to eat.

I once had to cater for a child with lactose intolerance and another who was allergic to strawberries. We only had 6 guests! Jusr to illustrate how easy it is to find that a large proportion of your guestst have special dietary needs, especially when you throw in religious diets too.

WaegukSaram · 23/03/2017 19:36

I don't see why it's joyless either. No matter who brings the food isn't the point to have a gathering to hang out and have fun? Or can you only have a good time if the spread's all laid on?

I'm from NZ and this kind of potluck occasion is a very common idea there. I assure you our parties are anything but joyless!

Aurora87 · 23/03/2017 20:30

I think it's lovely and it's a shame that so many people would be so judgemental about it! Some people just don't have the space for 20 (or however many) presents and their child must already have everything it needs.

Swipe left for the next trending thread