Which of these mothers is being unreasonable?

[BillSykesDog]

I'm none of these mothers btw. They are friends, situation is:

Three 11 yo primary school girls. Have done their bike safety course so are being allowed out to practice road cycling around their quiet residential streets in a London suburb. They have a very clearly defined area they must stay within. Only one of the girls, M has taken her mobile and that has no credit on it so is only receiving incoming calls.

They come to the end of the area they are allowed to cycle in. M says she wants to continue on the main road, where they are not supposed to go because she wants to visit tha McDonald's in the next suburb a good 15 mins cycle away. The other two girls K and R say they are not allowed and won't go. M tries to persuade them. They still say no. M says even if they don't go she is going anyway and they mustn't tell on her.

K and R go to K's home but are looking very obviously worried so the story comes out pretty quickly. K's Mum calls M's mother to tell her that her daughter had gone off to McDonalds. M's mother calls M who is now at McDonalds, she tells her that she must not try to cycle back, M says she doesn't think she can manage it anyway.

M's Mum then calls K's Mum and asks her if K's Mum will drive and pick M up. M's Mum is at home on her own without a car and with a six month old baby. She will need to make a ten minute walk and then a 10 min bus ride to get to McDonald's under her own steam. K's Mum refuses to drive and pick M up because she is busy and has plans and says M needs to sort her daughter out herself.

M thinks it is dangerous for her daughter to be waiting alone in the McDonalds for that length of time. She thinks that problem has arisen because K and R went home instead of sticking with M and left her on her own so it is partly K's fault the situation has occurred and K's mother should drive to collect her for that reason. K's mother still refuses to pick her up.

Which mother do you think is being unreasonable in this situation?

How can anyone say that K's mum should have cancelled her plans?

We dont know what they are.

M's mum is bvu. The other girls did the right thing by not going. You dont do something you shouldnt because someone else is. She was also bvu to expect M's mum to resolve this.

Kate well it depends doesn't it. If it was visiting a sick relative, or having to collect my own child, I wouldn't cancel. If it was meeting a friend for lunch, I'd let them know that I'd be a bit late because something had cropped up.

M c/should walk her bike back. FFS. And get scolded upon arrival, etc.

Oh for gods sake. I'm really glad I'm not friends with some of these posters.

K's mum is BU and is a shit friend. A real friend would drop everything to help a friend in need. A selfish friend would do the opposite, this being K. And no, she shouldn't have to beg or ask as a "big favour", she could just do it to be nice. WTF has happened to humanity?!

M should have dropped her plans to collect. However if I was K and I could have got there quicker than M I would have gone to collect the child. I would have never forgiven myself if something had happened to her and she is a child for gods sake - if it just took an extra half hour out of my day and the slog of bringing my own kids - I still would have done.

Am assuming M doesn't feel she can cycle back due to being scared of cycling on the main roads. Not because she cant be arsed to do it. She's made it there by the skin of her teeth and realised what a silly thing she has done?

If I was K's Mum I would have helped. Equally M's Mum should had jumped straight on a bus the minute she heard what had happened. It will be easier to bring the bike home on a bus anyway.

M's mum is being unreasonable about the the other two girls. If they'd gone with M and later said "We only went so that M wouldn't be alone", it's unlikely that they would have been believed.

If M is the sort of friend who blames everyone but her own child in this situation, I think I can see why K isn't keen to drop everything for her.

M's mother is being wholly unreasonable blaming the other girls for not breaking the rules. And it feels like M has form hence K's mum telling her to sort her own daughter.

I suspect had m's mum been more apologetic for M worrying her friends and hadn't blamed K and R, she might have had a more favourable response to a request for help. 6 month old and no car or not, M's mum needs to accept responsibility for her wayward dd.

M could walk home pushing the bike. Her mother has a monumental cheek. One thing to ask as a favour, quite another to try to blame the other DCs.

If I'd been asked as a favour, I'd have collected. But the moment the blame was put on my DC she could have whistled for any help.

M's mum is being unreasonable. Hopefully she'll look back and realise that children do stupid things sometimes, and that her child is no different, and not let her embarrassment about that make her defensive and unreasonable.

OTOH if the mum is the kind to blame other people for things, then her DD may not learn to not do stupid things

I'm not sure having a 6 month old has anything to do with it really. They are very portable at 6 months, especially in London where public transport is good.

So how did M get back?

If I'd been K's mum I'd probably have gone but the bike wouldn't fit in the car so would have been left behind. Not ideal either.

Sounds like K's mum could have popped over to pick up M at mcdonalds and she was being arsey by not doing it. OTOH no-one is to blame but M for going there in the first place so it is M's mum's responsibility to get her.

M'smun is unreasonable. M is being a brat. Also how will the other mum get the bike home? My DDs bike doesn't fit in my car!

They should tie the bike to railings and she should catch the bus home then dad should sort the bike later. M should be grounded too for being an idiot and putting herself in danger

M's Mum is being unreasonable. She could get a taxi.

The other girls did the right thing by not going. I'm always telling my children that they mustn't do something stupid just because their friends are.

M's mum needs to have words with her daughter about pushing the boundaries.

It would have been nice if K's mum could have helped but you don't know what plans she had that may not have been able to be changed.

Hopefully M will be spoken to about disappearing off without permission.

I will say, that on the face of it, K's mum was being a bit mean. She could have put herself out and definitely would have been the bigger person there. I would have. I would have bitched and moaned to my DH about it later but I would have.

The fact that she didn't makes me wonder whether she's had prior experience of M or her mum which made her feel ungenerous

I also don't get why it is too dangerous for M to wait for half an hour in a MacDonald's in a suburb?

M was out of order and didn't follow instructions. She also put the other two girls in a really difficult situation. They did nothing wrong and did the right thing.
It would have been nice of K's mum to help out but M's mum is out of order trying to place the blame partly on the other two girls.
K's mum should have told K not to move from McDs & that she would be there asap.

Ten minute walk plus ten minute bus ride is nothing for M's mother. If she (the mother) were spared even that inconvenience, what incentive would she have to give her daughter boundaries?

Sorry was being sarcastic and it doesn't come across well!

Easy.

M broke the rules and M's mum should sort it out. Sometimes other adults are busy and can't help, it's life. M's mum is clearly wrongly projecting the blame elsewhere.

K and R did the right thing by not going and telling.

m should have had credit on her phone to ask her mum if she could go to mac Donald's. She should walk her bike back home, if she feels she can't ride it back. Hard lesson learned but it was her mistake