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AIBU?

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Original poster

MIL and holiday

106 replies

Stardust1901 · 14/03/2017 13:25

Not having a great day today!

DP and I have booked to go on holiday with DD who will be 11 months. Very excited our first family holiday.

MIL has asked for dates so she, her partner and their DD (8) can look and come to give a hand 😫 How do I tell her that I want it to be the three of us, without offending her!

OP posts:
PotteringAlong · 14/03/2017 13:26

"MiL - we'd like it just to be the 3 of us this time but we'd love to go away with you another point. How about a weekend later on all together?"

Trifleorbust · 14/03/2017 13:27

Wow. Without being invited? I would just say, "That is lovely and a very kind thought. But..." and say exactly what you said above.

MadeForThis · 14/03/2017 13:27

Just say that it's a lovely suggestion. Maybe next time.

TheOnlyLivingDeadBoyInNewYork · 14/03/2017 13:27

I'd have just laughed, treated it as a joke, since you don't just invite yourself on other peoples holidays.

wifeyhun · 14/03/2017 13:28

Eugh just say you would it to be just you

Babbaganush · 14/03/2017 13:28

"Thanks for the offer but we will be fine, we are quite excited to be planning our first trip away just the three of us".

wifeyhun · 14/03/2017 13:29

Sorry posted to soon.

Just say you would prefer it to be just you three.

I have learnt from bitter experiences about extended family holidays

xStefx · 14/03/2017 13:32

Haha just give her the wrong dates

(joking of course)

Just say " aw defo next time that would be lovely :-) but this is our first holiday and we want to go on our own"

Remember OP! No is a complete sentence here lol

Original poster
Stardust1901 · 14/03/2017 13:33

Oh gosh I'm dreading it Sad She's not going to take it well!

OP posts:
Wishiwasmoiradingle2017 · 14/03/2017 13:34

Big girl pants
Big deep breath.

And text!!

GoodDayToYou · 14/03/2017 13:34

"Sorry for the misunderstanding but we're just going to be the 3 of us this time. Many thanks though - would love to another time." (Unless you wouldn't, in which case delete the last bit.)

GoodDayToYou · 14/03/2017 13:36

Have to add that I think she's been incredibly presumptious.

Laiste · 14/03/2017 13:39

Can't your DP deal with it? It's his mum.

mouldycheesefan · 14/03/2017 13:48

Bits a really kind offer but we just want to spend some time on our own.

GoodDayToYou · 14/03/2017 13:48

How she takes this could, quite possibly, tell you all you need to know about her. I would def recommend that you or dp does it quickly with minimal fuss - you need to nip this sort of thing on the bud.

CoraPirbright · 14/03/2017 13:48

Why should you be going through this stress? Get your dh to tell her - its his mother!!

Billben · 14/03/2017 13:49

Nip this in the bud straightaway, or she will be asking your DP for the dates and booking their holiday!

MadMags · 14/03/2017 13:49

Good suggestion but it's just us this time.

Maybe next time! Smile

CleanMess · 14/03/2017 13:49

I'd phone and simply say that whilst you love their company etc you want to to have this holiday on your own. It's fine and it's not rude. She might be dissapointed and that ok too! If she is pissed off or annoyed then who cares. 🤷🏼‍♀️

TheMysteriousJackelope · 14/03/2017 13:49

I think Pottering has the right wording. Telling her that it will be just the 3 of you this time but suggesting a weekend another time is perfect. If you go away for a weekend later it will give you chance to see how an extended family holiday will work out. It may be wonderful and you can try it next year. If it is horrible then it's only a weekend you have wasted.

If she does kick off at least you will know that your instinct is right and this is NOT someone you want to go on holiday with.

bloodyteenagers · 14/03/2017 13:51

Thanks for the offer. But we're looking forward to spending some quality time with just the three of us.

WhatchaMaCalllit · 14/03/2017 13:52

I actually wouldn't get or let your DH say this to his mother as he is more likely to want to please her (going back into child to Parent mode here) so it is very possible it could backfire.

You tell her. Just say "Thanks ever so much for the offer of help while we're on this holiday but we're quite looking forward to the trip being just the three of us and finding ourselves muddling through, you know. I'm sure you understand" and change the subject.

If she keeps pushing for dates or more information then feel free to give her the date just after you're leaving... and then you could always blame 'baby brain' on mixing the dates up as they're so close to the actual ones you've booked for.

TheresABluebirdOnMyShoulder · 14/03/2017 13:54

This is your DP's problem to sort out. It's his mother.

As others have said, don't make a big thing of it. Just say "that's a really kind offer but we'll be fine thank you and we're actually just looking forward to a holiday for the three of us". If she chooses to make a big song and dance then you can deal with that. She might be fine though. She certainly has no grounds to be angry or upset with you.

Topseyt · 14/03/2017 13:54

Use Pottering's response.

Your MIL is being rather presumptuous there.

MadMags · 14/03/2017 13:55

I also think dp might fold due to child guilt!

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