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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MIL and holiday

106 replies

Stardust1901 · 14/03/2017 13:25

Not having a great day today!

DP and I have booked to go on holiday with DD who will be 11 months. Very excited our first family holiday.

MIL has asked for dates so she, her partner and their DD (8) can look and come to give a hand 😫 How do I tell her that I want it to be the three of us, without offending her!

OP posts:
Astro55 · 14/03/2017 16:09

Agree - let him go with DC and you book a nice quiet week with friends!!

What did DH say Coffee

Novinosincebambino · 14/03/2017 16:10

Bloody hell! I had no idea how common this was. We just had to have an awkward conversation with my MIL to explain why they weren't coming on this years holiday. They were supposed to come on 1 holiday to show them there was more to life than caravaning (nothing wrong with caravaning but FIL can't drive very well so towing caravan isn't safe anymore). THREE years later and I had enough. It was 1 week out of 2 weeks for the first two years but last year it was upped to the full two weeks. I decided it had to be nipped in the bud because it was becoming a habit. Spoke to DH who spoke to his mum who then got all upset and 'wasn't sleeping' and various other guilt inducing symptoms. We stood firm and are looking forward to PIL free holidays from now on. Good for you OP for taking a stand early, wish I had.

MrsLindor · 14/03/2017 16:18

My ex MIL wants to go on holiday with me and DD, which is not happening, you have to be honest and upfront about these things.

We went away with the ex's family once and won't do it again. It's a completely different holiday and in my experience now restful.

Sylvannas · 14/03/2017 16:26

We honeymooned in my husbands home country. We were doing the rounds meeting all his father's side of the family (just for 3 days, 3 weeks in total over there staying with his mum)
During those 3 days his mum rings us telling us to come back now.
Luckily my DH puts his pushy mother in her place so I don't need to get involved.

Totally understand the overbearing ILS. I hope the text you get back is a good and accepting one.

Although if she's annoyed watch she doesn't bypass you and talk your DH into agreeing to her coming.

StarlitTrees · 14/03/2017 16:30

Has she replied OP?

fatmummy87 · 14/03/2017 16:31

Any reply op? Why on earth would she think 2 adults need help with their one child anyway Shock

Original poster
Stardust1901 · 14/03/2017 16:38

Hi everyone - I think she's ok. I got an ok no problem xxx
So I think we're OK? She didn't say anything else though but neither have I!

OP posts:
GoodDayToYou · 14/03/2017 16:51

Sounds good. Well done! Leave it there now. Least said and all that!

Wishiwasmoiradingle2017 · 14/03/2017 16:55

I hope it's not your birthday any time soon - got a feeling you might get regifted the worst of her Xmas presents!!
Well done tho - had to be done to safe guard all future holidays!!

Bluntness100 · 14/03/2017 16:56

Yes, just leave it now, act like it never happened, but that's outrageous, you don't invite yourself on someone's holiday. I genuinely don't know what happens to some women when they become mother in laws. The worst thing is most of them would be outraged if their own mother in law pulled the same crap. The mind boggles.

AlmostAJillSandwich · 14/03/2017 17:13

Oh god, when i was 14 my parents, sister and i were going on holiday to spain (only the 2nd time we'd been able to afford abroad, first time when i was 9 or 10 and was booked 2 days prior to the holiday) My mum went over to the holiday shop on the local precinct to book it, stopping by her mums on the way to ask if she'd like to come with us.
Mum comes home later that night and announces my aunt was at my grans too and she'd invited herself along and holiday had been booked for all 6 of us. My dad HATES my aunt (i do too now i'm an adult and have seen what she's really like, i went Nc with her in November and she made my entire mums family (mum passed away 2010) take her side and cut me off) and was seriously pissed off, not just that she'd invited herself along, but that my mum hadn't told her "no" or discussed it with my dad before booking it.
She did what she always does, wants to laze in bed til mid-day then everything be about where she wants to go and what she wants to do. One night my dad didn't get anything to eat (full board) because she insisted taking some slow little novelty train back to the hotel instead of the bus, and we got there just in time to get a plate before the buffet shut but my dad wasn't allowed in as he had shorts on. He also got really hurt when a plastic chair collapsed on him and she laughed in his face about it. (I delighted in doing the same when it happened to her the next night) I was the one stuck in a room with my aunt and gran (volunteered so my parents could be together), both snored, and she "didn't like the noise of the air con" so insisted on having the balcony door open all night, when i was the one in a little fold out bed next to it with a major bug phobia.

I know it ruined the holiday for my dad, and it wasn't great for me either. It's left a particularly sour taste as it's the last holiday i ever went on having become very ill with MH issues at 15, haven't spent a night outside my own home since.

Never be afraid to tell someone they're not welcome to come along. It's not worth spending all that money and not enjoying yourself.

DarrylsLilAssKicker · 14/03/2017 17:22

*Are you good friends? She must like you if a) she wants to come on holiday with you and b) if she wants to help out with baby?!

Has she been away with you before?*

Totally irrelevant. You don't invite yourself on someone else's holiday.

Well done for saying no. Enjoy your holiday. We're also holidaying without inlaws for the first time this year, with our one year old. I was a bit nervous about telling her the date but I don't think she would just turn up!

NavyandWhite · 14/03/2017 17:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Astro55 · 14/03/2017 17:24

MIL has an 8 year old - more likely she wants to share babysitting with nights out rather than 'helping' with the baby!

PotteringAlong · 14/03/2017 17:27

Sounds ok to me- good outcome Flowers

impatientmrs · 14/03/2017 17:29

ooo i can't wait for this to be a problem for us rolls eyes
my MIL tried to self invite on our honeymoon and to our anniversary holiday

wizzywig · 14/03/2017 17:33

Or just say "oh brilliant. You can be our full time holiday nanny". You wont mind looking after the kids 10-10pm every day will you.

WaegukSaram · 14/03/2017 17:40

"Don't you ever suggest going on holiday with your friends?"

Not after they've already booked! I'd assume if they wanted me there they would've asked me pre-booking.

LightDrizzle · 14/03/2017 17:41

What Babbaganush said, but by text preferably. Ideally your OH should do it since it's his mother.
Referring to some mythical time when this might be nice in the future is just deferring the pain.

bibbitybobbityyhat · 14/03/2017 17:51

OP - please reassure me that you haven't booked your summer holiday in the school summer holidays? You will be paying about twice what you should have!

Original poster
Stardust1901 · 14/03/2017 18:16

Yes summer holidays holiday and very expensive! So I'm not willing to even trial a holiday with MIL when we're paying so much for one!
DP is a teacher Sad sigh

OP posts:
rumblingDMexploitingbstds · 14/03/2017 18:21

fucking hell don't worry I won't ever suggest it to DIL.

Sigh. I get that you're enjoying the Poor MiL Pity Party bit but possibly we can assume you have sufficient social awareness to suggest 'would you like to book a holiday together' rather than when she says to you 'oh we have a holiday booked' saying 'great! when? I'll come too!' You know, like normal people do?

OTOH if you did think it was fine to crash other people's holidays, particularly your DiL's, thank goodness you found this thread!

Jazzywazzydodah · 14/03/2017 18:31

navy so just out of interest, have you ever invited yourself on a friends already booked holiday, it's slightly different if the holiday is notbooked and your both talking about it as in 'fancy booking a holiday together' rather than 'tell me where and when cos I'm coming?? ..

NavyandWhite · 14/03/2017 18:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OnTheUp13 · 14/03/2017 18:46

I'd give her the date you return to two dates after & enjoy a few weeks without her around. But my MIL is a nasty piece of work.

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