Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MIL and holiday

106 replies

Stardust1901 · 14/03/2017 13:25

Not having a great day today!

DP and I have booked to go on holiday with DD who will be 11 months. Very excited our first family holiday.

MIL has asked for dates so she, her partner and their DD (8) can look and come to give a hand 😫 How do I tell her that I want it to be the three of us, without offending her!

OP posts:
Hissy · 14/03/2017 14:00

come on! deep breath,

"About the holiday, we'd prefer it to be just us this time, thanks"]

IF she goes crazy, you then say that you are happy with this decision and her reaction is making it easier to stick to.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 14/03/2017 14:02

"We fancy a holiday just with our little family. You will probably enjoy the break from us! Let's fix up a trip away with you guys another time".

I don't think it was a misunderstanding, she wants to join in.

NavyandWhite · 14/03/2017 14:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Astro55 · 14/03/2017 14:04

Just NO!

Text back and say 'Ah thanks for thinking of us - but we can manage! WE are really looking forward to a week away! Hope you find something suitable too!

diddl · 14/03/2017 14:08

Don't say maybe next time unless you mean it!

"No thanks".

NavyandWhite · 14/03/2017 14:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 14/03/2017 14:18

MIL might be lovely but days off are precious and a trip away is something people like to do if they can afford it. Had OP and her DP wanted it to be a bigger affair they'd have planned it all together at the outset, surely? Planned a destination, expressed preferences for accommodation, agreed on time of year, etc?
Some people have to make everything about them.

OP don't feel guilty for wanting to do stuff on your own occasionally.

Wdigin2this · 14/03/2017 14:18

Or, is it that she's looking for a babysitter for her DC??
Just say, it's a nice thought, and next year perhaps you can talk about it, nut for this year, your just looking forward to it being the 3 of you!

NavyandWhite · 14/03/2017 14:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

milliemolliemou · 14/03/2017 14:21

Why are you so afraid to be frank in a kind way, OP? What could she possibly do or say?

Reow · 14/03/2017 14:22

WhatchaMaCalllit you are very kind.

My reply would be "Lol! No thanks MIL".

Megatherium · 14/03/2017 14:23

Why can't you just delegate this discussion to your DP - with, of course, firm instructions that he is not to give way!

AuditAngel · 14/03/2017 14:26

Surely, since your DD is only 11 months, you are away in term time as it's cheaper?

I like the suggestions about just the three of you, but follow it up with not wanting 8yo SIL to miss school.

Backt0Black · 14/03/2017 14:27

OP has clearly stated she doesn't want MiL to go, for me it doesn't matter if they are friendly. Her holiday, her choice.... I've a lot of people / family I'm friendly with I wouldn't really want to holiday with.

I would thank for the offer of the help but brightly and firmly state that its not needed and just leave it there. No offers of 'maybe next time' or fumbled excuses.

NavyandWhite · 14/03/2017 14:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Jazzywazzydodah · 14/03/2017 14:31

Ah my fil tried this last week!!

We are going away for three days - just a little break and said he would drive up on the second day for two nights Grin

I just said no. We need time on our own and looking forward to it.

Be as blunt as you can and prepared what your going to say as how you deal with this will set a precedent.

Coffeethrowtrampbitch · 14/03/2017 14:32

Do not let dp deal with this!

He has already not said no when mil has suggested hijacking your holiday, that is not a good sign. He probably has a fantasy mil will run around after dc while you and he sunbathe, but in practice you know you will run round after the DC while he and mil sunbathe and don't help!

Hope you can sort it, we could only afford a week SC near Alton Towers this year and dh invited fil and mil. The first I heard about it was a text from mil criticising the accommodation and asking to change everything!
I am utterly gutted our one family break will be all about them again, they get 4 holidays a year but even our one holiday will have to be all about their wants and needs Sad

mouldycheesefan · 14/03/2017 14:32

@NavyandWhite, they could be the best pals in all the world but it's entirely irrelevant.

TheresABluebirdOnMyShoulder · 14/03/2017 14:37

Coffee you're a lot more understanding than I am. My DH would have been back on the phone explaining that he had been a bit of a twat jumped the gun by asking them along on holiday without discussing it first and that actually we want a holiday just the three of us this time.

Underparmummy · 14/03/2017 14:37

We had this with dd1 (dc1) when we went on holiday with her at 6 months.

PIL asked if they could come, we politely explained that we needed some time just the 3 of us away. They then asked again!! Then they had the hump for a bit.

They then turned down the offer of a separate weekend away the following spring. We gave up!

However, 6 and a half years later we will go away with them for a weekend.

Things work out in the end, but set boundaries early doors with grandparents...

SapphireStrange · 14/03/2017 14:38

How bizarre.

It's your DP's responsibility to tell her no. Why are you worrying about it?

But anyway I'd laugh lightly and change the subject.

Olympiathequeen · 14/03/2017 14:40

Think you will just have to get your DH to break it to her gently. Not your job.

ollieplimsoles · 14/03/2017 14:40

Nip this in the bud straight away, you don't invite yourself on other people's holidays.

Mil tried this with our honeymoon, she only found out where we were going on the day of our wedding, and wasn't allowed to know the hotel name.

beela · 14/03/2017 14:44

Think yourself lucky they have asked. My friend's pil turned up on their family holiday as a surprise Shock

It wasn't a good one Grin

Original poster
Stardust1901 · 14/03/2017 14:45

Okay I've done it! I found my big girl pants. I just said thank you it's a lovely thought but we want it just to be us this time. We should do something else another time though when we can.

Waiting for a reply, Urgh I feel sick Envy

OP posts:
Swipe left for the next trending thread