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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

To have cried in the pub toilet

235 replies

roarityroar · 11/03/2017 16:20

Because a man I don't know at the bar said "oh wow, you look just like Bridget Jones!"?

I'm 28 and not that it matters a size 8. I've had a hugely difficult week and felt quite confident today and now I feel crushed and stupid and fat and disgusting.

OP posts:
user1486924355 · 11/03/2017 18:25

PiesDescalzos Sat 11-Mar-17 18:15:45
P.S AIBU on an Internet forum does not mean a green light to trigger a suicidal person. We have all just seen you for who you are.

Fair enough. I had no idea you were the official spokeswoman for Mumsnet!! I will let you have the last word on the matter as it is clearly important to you. Lol.

opheliaamongthelillies · 11/03/2017 18:28

I suggest that all those with what appear to be serious issues go to

mind.org.uk/elefriends
which is a forum for those having mental health issues.

You will probably get better support there.

PiesDescalzos · 11/03/2017 18:29

Op I was you at the exact same age, minus the termination. I think you are feeling very vulnerable right now and hormones are definately amplifying your feelings. At your age I believed my biggest problems amongst things were my weight, my beauty (ED and BDD) and also my fear of never conceiving consumed me. I was lucky to survive my attempts. I thought it was because I hated myself but really my brain was just completely imbalanced. Almost 4 years later I'm a different woman. I changed my mind and also my body (and I also have a daughter now which helped how I think immensely.) You can change things and how you feel, I promise you that. You sound intelligent and intuitive but you need to stop punishing yourself like this and start being kind. You have just been through so much. I really hope you have real life support also. Maybe you could step away and do something kind for yourself to relax then come back and talk about how you are feeling deep down (if you still want to.) Anyway I really do hope you feel better.

Thanks user Wink you witty thing you.

user1487175389 · 11/03/2017 18:30

She's gorgeous! Take it as a compliment!

ItShouldHaveBeenJingleJess · 11/03/2017 18:32

Poor OP and poor bbc". Note to self - never post in AIBU!

TinklyLittleLaugh · 11/03/2017 18:34

Well that all went well Hmm

Wrong sort of thread for AIBU, massive drip feed and yes, mental health top trumps.

Backs away discretely.

Katedotness1963 · 11/03/2017 18:43

I bet he meant Rene but couldn't remember her name so said Bridget Jones. Rene is gorgeous, I'd take it as a compliment.

TheWildRumpyPumpus · 11/03/2017 18:49

I was once told I look like Pob.

Beat that anyone...

BBCNewsRave · 11/03/2017 18:54

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

greedygorb · 11/03/2017 19:04

I got told once I looked loke Gloria Hunniford. I was 28. I suspect it's cos I was from Norhtern Ireland. I felt lke crying all night and I hadn't had a shit week like yours.

PoorYorick · 11/03/2017 19:06

I've been told I look like Mariah Carey, Rene Zellweger, Helena Bonham Carter and Richard Branson.

I really would not pay any of it any mind...

ItShouldHaveBeenJingleJess · 11/03/2017 19:08

Oh BBC, it's just words. And inequality. 'Spinster' has negative connotations (lonely, sad, childless) whereas 'bachelor' has positive connotations (own wealth, freedom, dating whoever they like). It's shit and it's semantics. Don't let it get to you. I don't believe for a second the OP meant to upset you - she's got her own stuff going on - but I do agree with the idea of' spinster ' being insulting. However, that isn't the fault of the OP:it was used frequently in the Bridget Jones books, which, while entertaining, do encourage the idea that a woman is nothing without a man.

annfield62 · 11/03/2017 19:21

As someone who's divorced I wish I'd stayed a spinster.

WayfaringStranger · 11/03/2017 19:24

I understand that it wasn't about the comment but Bridget Jones is still cute. I'd love to look like her!

Flowers for roarity and BBC.

NotYoda · 11/03/2017 19:37

Pies

I've PMd you

KeemaNaan · 11/03/2017 20:05

roarityroar. You've had an awful week, but can I just say that anyone who can conduct themselves with the grace and dignity you've shown on this thread is going to be on to a winner in the long term.

You've really been through the mill and if I was with you I'd give you a squidgy.

I get it about Bridget jones. The bloke was being a tosser and you're feeling vulnerable. After I'd squished you, I'd kick him in the nuts.

ImBackOnHereAgain · 11/03/2017 20:08

BBCNewsRave I have often felt like you- like I wasn't worth the same as others. I have suffered from CPTSD and BPD from endurung an abusive childhood and adulthood. I was denied NHS help for my MH for years. Mnay people accused me of attention seeking for self harm suicide attempts and multiple breakdowns.

I don't want to trigger you but I just want you to know someone understands what it is like to feel those feelings of abandonment and rejection. I stil struggle with htis a lot and in fact i posted simialr to you on another forum just the other night.

I haven't got asny words of advice or great insight just that I understand. Flowers Wine Cake and unmumsnetty hugs.... I used to post on the Stately Home thread on here- my old username was JustaGirl484, and I remember you. You were very kind to me when I needed it and I want to show you the same

ImBackOnHereAgain · 11/03/2017 20:10

Flowers Wine Cake and unmumsnetty hugs to you too OP. You have the same right to validation sympathy and support as anyone else on here. It is not a competition but sometimes people like me and BBCNewsRave can really struggle with feeling we are supported, or actually even being supported.

Longtalljosie · 11/03/2017 20:13

You poor love. I'm so sorry you've had a tough time on this thread - not talking about you, BBC, but more the thoughtless "I'd love to look like BJ" comments. You were pretty clear what the issue was.

Have you had CBT as part of your support? Consider the possibility that what Bridget Jones means to you isn't what BJ meant to him, and that the laugh of the girlfriend was likely to be social awkwardness as much as anything. He probably meant you looked a bit like Renee Zellweger - he's probably not seen anything else with her in - since with his social skills he probably doesn't get out much Wink

Look after yourself xx

ImBackOnHereAgain · 11/03/2017 20:18

I don't wish to have a go at anyone or start a fight. I just am saddened by the ignporance regarding mental health issues especially those regarding complex trauma. saying that expressing thoughts of self harm or suicide is attention seeking is ignorant. sorry but that is the truth.

GatoradeMeBitch · 11/03/2017 20:20

The girl you linked to could easily be told she looks like Bridget Jones too - it's the general eye shape,smile, etc. Don't worry about it!

NotYoda · 11/03/2017 20:20

ImBack

You are right. And they know it. But AIBU attracts goady people

ImBackOnHereAgain · 11/03/2017 21:05

NotYoda Sadly, I think you are right about AIBU Sad

Christonacracker · 11/03/2017 21:25

I can, wildrumpy! Some drunken pantaloon said I looked like Danny Baker! (I'm a woman).

Jenniferb21 · 11/03/2017 21:36

I think you've taken this so badly because you're generally unhappy ATM but I would say I bet he meant I as a compliment. Bridget Jones is v attractive anyway and he said you look like her not act like her (I.e didn't mean about the smoking etc)

Try to relax however you can and focus on the future if you're going through a hard time anything will seem worse than what it is.