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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Judge's warning to drunk women

985 replies

FirstShinyRobe · 10/03/2017 21:47

www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-manchester-39233617

AIBU to think she had a marvellous platform with her retirement speech to issue instead a warning to men not to rape women?

OP posts:
joystir59 · 20/03/2017 08:54

I was sexually abused from 13 to 15 and blamed for it by my father and other family members. That was in the 70s. Girls still today are never considered too young and are still blamed.

KindDogsTail · 20/03/2017 15:03

joystir59
I am very sorry your father and other family members did thisFlowers
I hope you can feel you are not to blame now.

Increasinglymiddleaged · 21/03/2017 09:10

I think that people feeling blamed/ judged isn't uncommon. I have a very good friend who was abused horribly. She says that she had been judged/ blamed for leading her abuser on. Attitudes are just utterly gross Sad. It would never have occurred to me to see it like that, but sickos and their associates will always try to justify their actions/ lack of action (those who knew/ suspected and did nothing).

Kr1stina · 23/03/2017 21:55

HOW TO PREVENT RAPE

How to Prevent Rape

If a woman is drunk, don’t rape her.
If a woman is walking alone at night, don’t rape her.
If a women is drugged and unconscious, don’t rape her.
If a woman is wearing a short skirt, don’t rape her.
If a woman is jogging in a park at 5 am, don’t rape her.
If a woman looks like your ex-girlfriend you’re still hung up on, don’t rape her.
If a woman is asleep in her bed, don’t rape her.
If a woman is asleep in your bed, don’t rape her.
If a woman is doing her laundry, don’t rape her.
If a woman is in a coma, don’t rape her.
If a woman changes her mind in the middle of or about a particular activity, don’t rape her.
If a woman has repeatedly refused a certain activity, don’t rape her.
If a woman is not yet a woman, but a child, don’t rape her.
If your girlfriend or wife is not in the mood, don’t rape her.
If your step-daughter is watching TV, don’t rape her.
If you break into a house and find a woman there, don’t rape her.
If your friend thinks it’s okay to rape someone, tell him it’s not, and that he’s not your friend.
If your “friend” tells you he raped someone, report him to the police.
If your frat-brother or another guy at the party tells you there’s an unconscious woman upstairs and it’s your turn, don’t rape her, call the police and tell the guy he’s a rapist.
Tell your sons, god-sons, nephews, grandsons, sons of friends it’s not okay to rape someone.
Don’t tell your women friends how to be safe and avoid rape.
Don’t imply that she could have avoided it if she’d only done/not done x.
Don’t imply that it’s in any way her fault.
Don’t let silence imply agreement when someone tells you he “got some” with the drunk girl.

And if you are still confused, try this:

How to Prevent Sexual Assault

  1. Don’t put drugs in people’s drinks in order to control their behavior.
  1. When you see someone walking by themselves, leave them alone!
  1. If you pull over to help someone with car problems, remember not to assault them!
  1. NEVER open an unlocked door or window uninvited.
  1. If you are in an elevator and someone else gets in, DON’T ASSAULT THEM!
  1. Remember, people go to laundry rooms to do their laundry, do not attempt to molest someone who is alone in a laundry room.
  1. USE THE BUDDY SYSTEM! If you are not able to stop yourself from assaulting people, ask a friend to stay with you while you are in public.
  1. Always be honest with people! Don’t pretend to be a caring friend in order to gain the trust of someone you want to assault. Consider telling them you plan to assault them. If you don’t communicate your intentions, the other person may take that as a sign that you do not plan to rape them.
  1. Don’t forget: you can’t have sex with someone unless they are awake!
  1. Carry a whistle! If you are worried you might assault someone “on accident” you can hand it to the person you are with, so they can blow it if you do.

And, ALWAYS REMEMBER: if you didn’t ask permission and then respect the answer the first time, you are committing a crime- no matter how “into it” others appear to be.

Kr1stina · 23/03/2017 22:00

Sorry, missed off the link, it's from here

slutwalkphoenix.wordpress.com/how-to-prevent-rape/

lucydogz · 23/03/2017 22:12

sorry, I haven't read all the thread, appart from begining, but there is a case in Bristol on a man accused of raping a woman in Bristol City Centre, in a town centre flowerbed.
www.bristolpost.co.uk/incoming/dad-four-accused-raping-woman-12576
She was so drunk that she was barely aware of what was going on. Yes, he should be convicted of rape, but what is wrong with advising women not to get so drunk that this can happen to them?

TheDowagerCuntess · 23/03/2017 22:22

The answer to you question Lucy, is throughout this thread. Confused

How rude are you - just coming in at the end, telling us you couldn't even be arsed to RTFT, and then ask such a daft question.

Would you do that IRL?

lucydogz · 23/03/2017 22:58

no, I don't think you have to read a thread as long as this before you contribute. Is there a rule somewhere that I've missed? Or a section on MN etiquette?

TheDowagerCuntess · 23/03/2017 23:33

You can do, or not do whatever you want.

Reading the thread helps to avoid you looking silly.

Do you honestly not think the question has been addressed throughout the course of this thread?

What do you think you are adding to the discussion at this point?

KindDogsTail · 24/03/2017 10:53

lucydogz
If you could take the time to read it through, you will see all the posters who have experienced being raped themselves when they had been drinking, and how they blamed themselves when they shouldn't have. So the "Don't get drunk or you might get raped" advice can lead to the blame attaching itself to the wrong person; and maybe also the idea that a girl being drunk becomes an excuse for men to rape them.

Posters wrote too about how they would try to bring up their sons to watch out for their own drinking, that they could make bad decisions when drunk, that they have no right to sex, that they should not have sex with a drunk girl. The judge never mentioned the perpetrators' side of things and this was what seemed wrong.

A poster showed some good campaigns aimed at changing men.

Plenty said they would nevertheless warn their daughters to be careful, stick together and look after each other and so on.

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