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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To consider escorting?

237 replies

MakeItRainOnMe · 10/03/2017 15:58

NC'd.

I'm so sick of being poor, I can't even save money to put in to a pension let alone for new and much needed clothes.

I'm (almost) 25 with a 1 year old DD studying at uni and if it wasn't for DD then I would work in the evenings and on weekends but with no family nearby I have no options.

Plus I plan to move back to London when I finish my degree and as there is no room at my mums I think that this will be the best way to survive in London.

Anyone got any suggestions? Help or advice?

Thanks

OP posts:
Terfinator · 11/03/2017 00:33

For every happy ending, there are 1,000 bad ones. Don't do it op! Sad

HappyGoLuckyGirl · 11/03/2017 00:42

I've PM'd you OP.

user123346 · 11/03/2017 11:58

You do have choices. It was you who made the choice to go to university instead of into the workplace. It was you that chose to go into a career that isn't high paying or won't pay much for several years. Prosituting yourself to live in London is insane. Why can't you live outside of London where a train ride is only an hour ? Make friends outside of London.

Seriously, think of the impact on your daughter. You could either a) live somewhere affordable ( realising London isn't the be all and end all), reconsider your career path or

You could become a prositute with the risk of developing depression , low self esteem and then getting into drugs / alcohol as a crutch.
So does your little girl deserve a mother that is depressed and generally miserable? That is on drugs or an alcholic?

You will develop issues around men including trust issues. It might impact on you ever having a stable relationship. Would you want your daughter to grow up and have positive relationships with men or have a family one day? Or would you like her to grow up jaded and having a dysfunctional view of men and relationships due to you being a prositute?

For the sake of your little girl, re-evulate your options here. Your little girl should be your priority. If you need to prositute yourself in order to survive then whatever you are studying is not a career that fits around your lifestyle and that of your daughter's. Put the emphasis on that rather than opening up your legs ;)

MakeOtRainOnMe · 11/03/2017 15:18

I don't have time to reply to all messages but I have taken some of the advice on board. Safety is a big issue for me and I don't want to put my life at risk so that would definitely put me off.

My DD wouldn't have to know what I'm doing. I would only do it part time to pay rent and bills whilst I do other work to get on to the career ladder.

And no to be honest I don't have many options. Why should I clean filthy toilets for 5/6 years on min wage when I could escort to pay rent and gain experience at the same time.

I went to uni because I love my degree subject.

Willyoujustbequiet · 11/03/2017 15:47

What a grim thread

Leaves me with a very low opinion of men and despairing for how women are treated in this world.

DevelopingDetritus · 11/03/2017 15:58

Why should I clean filthy toilets for 5/6 years on min wage Self respect maybe. Dramatic maybe but once you've sold your soul to the devil is it possible to go back???

GahBuggerit · 11/03/2017 16:00

yea op, follow your dreams Hmm

that invisible man page......just who the fuck do these dicks thjnk they are? Diddums one man felt "disrespected"

follow your dreams.........ffs

mayoli · 11/03/2017 16:03

I used to do sex work but haven't for years. Safest way to do it (especially when you have children) is cam work. I don't recommend doing street work/brothel etc unless you have a strong community of sex workers around you. Good luck. xx

mayoli · 11/03/2017 16:05

And honestly mumsnet is probably not the best place to ask about this because of the general opinion of sex work! Contact some sex work orgs that don't shame people about their work choices. If you can PM me (I don't know how PMs work), I can send you links to some good organisations who might be able to give you more information.

GahBuggerit · 11/03/2017 16:06

gain experience? the last time i recruited i dont recall "ability to deepthroat and willingness to be jizzed on" as one of the skills in the jobspec

theoracleofdelphi · 11/03/2017 16:13

Sounds like webcam work is the answer!

LittleMyLikesSnuffkin · 11/03/2017 16:21

I'm not shaming anyone about their choices but yes some of the posts here I think are very (wrongly) judgemental.

I do think the OP is very naive and I don't mean that in a nasty way. It's not easy really. You are judged about your appearance first and foremost and your punters don't much care about your feelings they just want their money's worth. And god help you if you don't show appropriate enthusiasm because they can be deeply offended by that. And you will care if you lose punters. The language and revolting names they call you will chip away at your self esteem unless you have nerves of steel(they're allowed to be super sensitive but you are not...). Some fantasies are downright hilarious, some are disgusting and some will give you nightmares.

It will probably leave you deeply distrustful of men possibly forever and you will have to battle really hard to not pass this feeling on to your daughter.

I think certain women can do "well" out of webcamming and escorting or at least come out of it unscathed I know several who seem to have a great time. But others suffer horribly. If I was you I'd think more about what you want to do longterm and how you will afford living in London long term. It's not doable if you have to put your faith in selling your body just to get by in my opinion.

PoorYorick · 11/03/2017 16:25

OP....do market research interviewing.

I am completely serious. You can easily earn £60-£70 an hour, which actually outstrips a lot of the prices I saw on that horrific Invisible Men webpage. It's not exactly the most enjoyable job in the world but it's physically safe and you do meet some interesting characters, none of whom will bruise your cervix and then tell a load of other men online that you weren't worth the money. You can work during the day while your daughter is at nursery, some jobs you can do any time as long as you can find subjects who fit the requirements. Training takes one day and you'll probably be paid for that too. Every now and then you can do mystery shopping and get paid to have a meal out.

Do that instead.

PoorYorick · 11/03/2017 16:26

Sorry, I mean £60-£70 a day, though there are opportunities to earn more.

StopHammerTime · 11/03/2017 16:42

OP you say that you are struggling to get a job because employers want more than just a degree. You are 24 years old. At the moment most employers would understand you may not have much work experience as you have had a child and been studying for a degree. Prostitution is hardly a life long career, you probably have a maximum of 10 to 12 years before those delightful punters decide you are no longer young enough to be fuckable. Applying for proper jobs in your mid to late thirties still with no work experience (as you can hardly tell prospective employers you've been prostituting yourself for the last decade) is going to be far more difficult than your current predicament. Dismiss this stupid idea which will ruin your life and start believing you you are amount to much more than some holes for men to fuck for money.

Emmageddon · 11/03/2017 17:02

Please think very hard about what the profession you are considering - do lots of reading and research, anecdotal evidence, not fictional accounts of the escort industry.

There are other ways to earn a living, and other places to live instead of London. You can get to London pretty rapidly from other towns and cities, to see your family and friends.

A girl I know used to do chatline work, and although the hourly was good, the majority of clients weren't on the phone for an hour at a time, a few minutes if that. It took a lot of calls to make a bit of money. Also, she had to seedy and sexually explicit, and a lot of the clients wanted a lot more than straightforward wank fodder. It's not for the faint-hearted.

I would rather work in a call centre, cold calling clients and offering them the chance to claim back their PPI, than do any kind of adult work. I think I would end up hating all men.

expatinscotland · 11/03/2017 17:36

It's not a good idea.

TinfoilHattie · 11/03/2017 18:06

OP is there nothing else you could do?

There is LOTS that the OP could do. She has (or is shortly to have) a degree. She could temp, work in retail, bars, call centres, anything really. There are lots of jobs out there. She'd get tax credits, help with her childcare costs, possibly help with her rent etc. She'd be just like thousands of others in her position around the country - working, doing their best and getting on with it.

However. She wants to live in London which is out of her budget. This is a choice - I'd quite like to live in Monaco but I can't afford that either. She has heard that she can earn £200 per hour for "escorting" which she seems to think is sitting chatting in a restaurant or being taken to parties. Easy money, something which would let her earn £1000 per week in a couple of hours an afternoon. Others have told the truth about prostitution, that it's soul destroying and not at all lucrative.

OP seriously, forget whoring yourself around and get a proper job. You have an education and options. You are better that this.

Janey50 · 11/03/2017 19:28

Maybe I'm being a bit dense here,but what exactly does -webcam work' entail? I have heard the phrase used a few times over the last year or so and I'm curious. Sorry OP not trying to de-rail your thread!

msrisotto · 11/03/2017 20:11

It involves aiming a webcam at your fanny and shoving things up it broadcast for the world to see.

expatinscotland · 11/03/2017 20:39

'It involves aiming a webcam at your fanny and shoving things up it broadcast for the world to see.'

In all your orifices, morelike.

LittleMyLikesSnuffkin · 11/03/2017 20:53

What expat said. No holes barred. Literally. Everything a man wants in person basically you just do it to yourself. The more you agree to the more money you make. And the competition is fierce sadly. It's actually not that easy at all. It often involves lots of waiting around making no money some shifts, succession of revolting rude men wanting weirder and weirder stuff, personal insults, assumptions you are a prostitute whether you meet up in person or not, the word no seems to be foreign to them, their sexual fantasies are often gross and disturbing and many don't even bother saying goodbye let alone thank you. And while that last one might seem silly it will piss you off after a while.

Of course some do the Domme stuff online and can make a mint but the competition is even fiercer and you have to be really really good at it and research it. And the clothes cost a bomb.

OrangeStar · 11/03/2017 20:57

I needed a drink after reading this thread.

brazilianandjapanese · 11/03/2017 20:59

Honestly, I was an escort for a few years when I was at uni.

It stopped me being homeless and I was able to use the money I made to live a comfortable lifestyle and create memories with friends I could never have afforded otherwise.

I enjoyed it actually and found it exciting. I wouldn't have wanted to do it forever, but if you join an exclusive escorting business, your clients are usually wealthy which gets rid of a lot of the undesirable clients you just wouldn't want to go near.

I never had any problems.

I have no regrets. I'm glad I did it actually!

joystir59 · 11/03/2017 21:11

Most prostituted women do not have an enjoyable experience OP. Please visit this website which has been set up by women who are/have been prostitutes:
nordicmodelnow.org/