To consider escorting?

[MakeItRainOnMe]

NC'd.

I'm so sick of being poor, I can't even save money to put in to a pension let alone for new and much needed clothes.

I'm (almost) 25 with a 1 year old DD studying at uni and if it wasn't for DD then I would work in the evenings and on weekends but with no family nearby I have no options.

Plus I plan to move back to London when I finish my degree and as there is no room at my mums I think that this will be the best way to survive in London.

Anyone got any suggestions? Help or advice?

Thanks

I do NOT for a second recommend OP, or any other woman, goes into prostitution.

With that being said, there are myths aplenty on here. Men using prostitures do not harbour secret desires to attack, hurt, humiliate or harm women. A minority will, but the majority do not. What the majority want is sex, with no strings attached, sometimes to play out a niche fantasy but more often to pay for the opportunity to have sex with a woman who would be out of his league in normal circumstances.

Street prostitutes are extremely vulnerable to being attacked and even murdered. It's easy to see why: they work on the street, in poorly lit places, in areas where crime, drug use and alcoholism is already rife and they have to get in a vehicle with their 'client.' As an escort, your protection is better. Not perfect, but better. An independent escort does not have such good protection as one working for an agency: she also earns more.

As for the idea that a child would be so dismayed and horrified and repulsed by her mother selling sex - I think that's utter nonsense, and that's the politest word I can find to describe that. And for the 'work in a care home' - for minimum wage, with tax credits sweating out a bit to cover your childcare, exhausted by the end of a day dealing with bodily fluids and death and dementia - is crazy talk.

It's about time we identified why women sell sex. Here's a shocker: because it's the only 'trade' women out earn men, it offers flexible hours, and it is available to the desperate. The women are the victims in this and the snide attempts to victim shame and blame here are revolting.

Actually, the more I read these links the more I'm disgusted by the idea of any woman considering this industry by choice.

Most women don't know what they are getting into though. Even the OP has shown her naivety when she mentioned that she was interested in being an escort, but not willing to do anal, when it just doesn't work like that. But the industry uses all sorts of tricks to lure women into it and break past their boundaries.

The brothel where I worked would put out ads out every week seeking a "Lingerie Waitress" or "Sensual Masseuse - No sex required!!", and when girls turned up for an interview the manager would say that the masseuse or waitress job had been filled that morning - but the owner also had an escort agency and perhaps the girl would be willing to try that instead?

The manager used to work as a escort herself, and knew all the right things to say to make the girls interested and comfortable with the idea. Before you know it the girl had agreed to her first trial shift. As the booker it was my job to make sure the new girl had abundant bookings on her first night with the best clients. Then she would go home thinking "Wow! All this money for just 6 hours work!" and then she'd commit to a month of shifts. But it was unlikely she'd ever make as much money as her first night, agencies and brothels have as many girls on shift as possible, so the punters have choice, but it means that each girl makes less money overall. By the time girls realise this however, they are usually knee-deep in the industry and once you're "in" it is so difficult to leave, for various reasons I won't go into because I know I've started to rant on this thread.

I could write so much about the industry and how it works though. Pimps, brothel owners, managers, drivers -- they are fucking scum. They rely on single mothers struggling to cope, battered wives fleeing abusive relationships, immigrants, naive students, and other desperate women.

Belle De Jour, Pretty Woman, and all the other cultural crap is propaganda. It really is. Don't believe it.

To be fair wet many 'working girls' will stipulate what they will and won't do, and many will not offer anal.

Those who do tend to be in high demand, but there are still a large majority who simply won't.

Rubbish, lavender rose. Any man who is so indifferent to mutuality in sex that he is willing to have it with a woman who is only there because she is paid has and is a massive problem. It is clear from the experiences of women and prostitution and what the men tell us themselves that this about the chance to cause damage and humiliation.

Lavender: if you found out your mother had become a prostitute to support you as a child, would you really not have any feeling about that beyond "oh well, it's a job"?

Those who do tend to be in high demand, but there are still a large majority who simply won't.

The ones who don't are probably just doing a bit of escorting as a side job. If you want to earn a living wage from prostitution you need to provide anal. That's the reality of the industry.

Karlos

It really isn't rubbish.

At no point have I said it is risk free, but the idea that every man who accesses an escort for sex to physically hurt her is simply not true.

Bingle. I think as with most things, context is everything. I would feel very sorry she felt she had no other opportunity. I would feel admiration for her strength. I would feel upset for her that she felt forced into it.

I would not feel a sense of shame, disgust or anger.

wetcardboard, certainly, the more you 'offer', the wider your popularity will be.

wet - Your experience of sauna/brothel/parlour work is exactly why many of us choose to work independently.

And for what it's worth, I make a decent living and I don't offer anal. Never have.
Most independents choose which services we offer. I know quite a few women who offer massage with hand relief and nothing more. They don't earn as much but they still do quite well on reduced rates.

Though, as I said before, I don't recommend that this OP get into the sex industry.

wetcarboard but the op has access to the internet and can therefore educate herself as to what she's getting into in exactly the same way that I just did. I guess many don't do that, from what you've said. The fact that she would post on here for advice about it before finding this stuff herself is becoming a bit suspect to me.
If she is genuine though, and reads the links and posts, I thank god for mumsnet.

Oh, and karlos if I could like your 19.41 post I would. The mutuality thing really disturbs me, I don't get how a woman doing it for money could be desirable to a normal man.

24 ??

Fucking hell op, you're so bloody young. You've barely started your life.

Stop panicking about the future, seriously. You have years ahead of you yet, don't let worrying about the future destroy your present.

lavender the 2 DDs of the exotic dancer my brother married (and divorced), they didn't really know or understand what mummy did, I lost touch with them.

The DD of the prostitute whom my friend "fostered" she barely spoke about what her mum did, it was kept quiet or a secret from her.

The DD of the escort I knew who sent her DD to boarding school, someone found out or told the DD about what her mum did. The DD got very upset, big rows with her mum and soon after that mum got out of the industry and got married. The DD is now early 20s but doesn't have much to do with her mum now. I think actually discussing your mum selling her body whether exotic dancing or having sex is something few daughters or sons discuss with their mother so your point is moot.

TheresHens

I agree with you re most prostitutes (65%) or sex workers don't have their children living with them. My friend is a prime example she "fostered" her "friend/colleague's" DD who was about 7 until when the DD was about 15/16. The DD needed or wanted a normal home life, her mum couldn't give this to her and had addiction troubles too. On the few occasions I met the mum (my friend was working as a maid in the brothel) she was very nice but very messed up and concerned more that the school could find out etc and that her DD would be taken into proper care, the mum wanted someone to care for her DD and trusted my friend to do so. My friend did I think "make it official" in the end. The father wasn't around to care and none of the prostitute's family wanted to or could help out.

Now years have passed I think the DD is 20 or so, the mum is out of prostitiution etc and my friend is glad she helped her, the DD is one of her children so to speak.

Couple of things. I am an ex lap dancer. I do not have mental health issues or PTSD. I have a first class degree and a good job and a husband and children.

I realise there is a distinction between what I did an being an escort. However, if you think you can handle it, that's your choice. It does not make you bad, wrong or anything else. Quite a lot of up their own asses people on here who will tell you it's disgusting. It's not.

I have also (with my DH) paid for a 'sensual massage' from a sex worker. And many lap dances too. I respect the women who choose to do this work.

I agree, Super but someone asked me how I would feel and I answered.

The children of sex workers are not one mass unit, and nor are sex workers themselves. Some will have strong, positive relations with their children, some won't. Some children may feel anger and shame, others will feel protective and fierce pride.

Whichever way you look at it, I always tend to think using ones own children as an approval measure (what will your children think!) is pretty poor. The aim overall should be to be a positive role model for our children, but it's disingenuous to claim there is only one straight-laced way in which this can be done.

Super

Most street prostitutes have a drug addiction.

It is probably that rather than the sex work per se that leads to their children being removed.

If you can find time to do this work, you can find other better work.

Choosing to have children, live in an expensive area and not work are all choices. You can change your life for the better without resorting to this.

You'd risk SS, embarrassment if photos, videoed etc are leaked not to mention employers finding out.

shapeshifting but you and your dh took part in that massage with consent. The woman you paid to partake likely did it for the money. That is not consent in the normal way. Why couldn't you find someone to take part on an equal footing?

We paid for a service that was willingly provided. When I stripped naked for money I consented to do so. What is the difference? Why is this unequal?

Because your partner and yourself did it out of desire. The other party was paid to take part.

lavender I knew the maid who had a drug addiction as well as worked, her children weren't taken into care.

I recall the prostitute telling my friend who told me that she was having trouble finding childcare, dropping her child to school and who to look after her child in the evenings. She mentioned to my friend she didn't want social services to get involved whether with the drugs or prostitution I don't know, but my friend got enough stick being a maid from her own mum.

You are again getting the wrong end of the stick (from someone who knows personally) with the exotic dancer they knew nothing about what mummy did only that she danced (she stripped), the prostitute as far as I knew told her DD she did bar work. They did not tell their children exactly what they did! I've got no idea of the children's feelings or opinions now they're grown up. The other DD of the prostitute was sexually abused by a friend of the prostitute and then ended up sexually abusing her own sister - the 7 year old at the time. As far as I know the prostitute and her DDs have good relationships now (I'm not in touch) but I do know for a long time the younger DD saw my friend as "mummy" didn't want to leave my friend to live with her real mummy and had problems as a teenager between family and choosing my friend and her family and her real mum. So there you go no strong positive relationship there more mixed and same for the DD who was packed off to boarding school.

Don't patronise me by saying most street prostitutes have a drug addiction, of course they do, I worked for 6 years around them and my brother's ex wife (stripper) had a big coke addiction!

But as it seems you know best carry on...

I'm not patronising you, I'm replying to you. We have different experiences: mine don't invalidate yours, but it does seem you are relying rather heavily on one or two cases you know of to extrapolate that all children of sex workers are appalled by their parents' behaviour and their relationship is therefore irreparably damaged.

I see it differently. I see women as the victims as well as the children. I see women as trying, in a misguided way, some may feel, to make a life for their children. Many turn to street prostitution because of addiction, whether to drugs or alcohol or both, and my argument is simply that it is that more than working in prostitution per se, that is damaging to the parent/child bond.

I say go for it and follow your dreams!

I know somebody who did this - not particularly young or beautiful but 3 or 4 men a week paid for her daughters school fees as she was very bright, no grammar schools, comps awful so she went private and paid for it as a mature escort. She did it for years, her daughter will never know and she now has a very lucrative career thanks to her mom and looks after her well.

I know someone who is a dominatrix. She does consider it empowering, it involves no sex, but the work is unreliable and costs are very high (she has to rent a flat in central London because the type of men who use pro-dommes won't travel even to the suburbs). She sometimes has to escort to subsidize the domme work and hates it.