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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is odd

103 replies

User500 · 09/03/2017 21:51

I've posted about this before but these been futher developments. Dd had been sharing a tutor with a very overbearing girl who the time she interrupted said that he took it as a given that if a student needed him while he was with another student that he would talk to them. When something had happened with my dd though he told her I can't just drop everything I've got other stuff to do when he was with this girl. Dd had been arguing with him a lot at that time. When told he wouldn't be able to keep both students he said I won't choose between them despite him having my dd first. He's now taking the other girl out weekly and ignoring my dd. Surely there is something odd going on between the two? The girl has described him as her kidred sprit and boasted to my dd he likes her more. Surely this is a safeguarding issue

OP posts:
Jenniferb21 · 09/03/2017 21:53

I think it's quite important to let us know their ages? But it's very hard to say would a gentle work with the other girl's mother put your mind at rest?

Original poster
User500 · 09/03/2017 21:54

Both are adults at Sen college. Don't really want to say exact ages.

OP posts:
Original poster
User500 · 09/03/2017 21:55

I don't have contact with the girls mother

OP posts:
NoraDora · 09/03/2017 21:58

You are like a dog with a bone over this.

Report any concerns to the college.

Stop posting tenuous situations on Mumsnet that you obviously don't have full details about.

Original poster
User500 · 09/03/2017 21:59

Because the college don't seem to view it as a safe guarding concern when it clearly is and its impacted on my child..

OP posts:
TripTrapTripTrapOverTheBridge · 09/03/2017 22:00

What is it that makes you think it's a safeguarding issue?

PatriciaHolm · 09/03/2017 22:03

This thread ran and ran last time.

The advice was the same as you'll get now - you have no way of knowing the other student's full circumstances, and you need to talk to the college if you have concerns.

NoraDora · 09/03/2017 22:04

So if the college are happy, why aren't you?

Nothing you've said concerns me. It sounds like you are a jealous person and these values have been instilled on your child.

Jenniferb21 · 09/03/2017 22:04

If they're at college I wouldn't be concerned no. If they are adults they are surely able to judge the situation themselves I wouldn't use the term safeguarding really.

If anything he may be being unprofessional and in worse case scenarios tutors can be found to be absuing their positions of authority but based on these facts you know id say it all sounds pretty innocent to me and nothing to worry too much about.

Original poster
user500 · 09/03/2017 22:06

Nora why would I be jealous?

OP posts:
Original poster
user500 · 09/03/2017 22:07

I just don't like my daughter being made to think she's in the wrong

OP posts:
April229 · 09/03/2017 22:32

How can we possibly judge without ages?

rollonthesummer · 09/03/2017 22:37

I've seen your posts before--this is a very strange situation. It sounds like the two girls are desperately vying for this mans attention. Is he a teacher?

Tartyflette · 09/03/2017 22:37

Your daughter is an adult, if she has a complaint about her tutor sidelining her and favouring another student, it's up to her to complain to the college authorities.
Colleges don't have any involvement with the parents of adult students. (That could be a privacy issue -- their contract, for want of a better word, is with the student, not the parents)

MadMags · 09/03/2017 22:51

Why do you keep posting this? And why have you namechanged to the same name, minus the capital U?Confused

lovetonamechange · 09/03/2017 23:02

Have you spoken
To the college since last time you posted about this?

lovetonamechange · 09/03/2017 23:02

@Madmogs they probably name changed then spelt it wrong when changing Bach??

DonkeyOaty · 09/03/2017 23:05

Hello. Could you link to your previous thread please? Thank you.

MadMags · 09/03/2017 23:06

love just odd to name change on this thread!

Megatherium · 09/03/2017 23:07

Are people missing the fact that this is an SEN college? Depending on the nature and extent of the SEN, it may not be correct to say either that the students concerned can judge the situation for themselves, or that the college will have no involvement with parents.

PurpleDaisies · 09/03/2017 23:12

When you say the college don't see it as a safeguarding issue, what have they actually said and in what format? Did you formally report your concerns? Have they responded officially to them?

attheendoftheday · 09/03/2017 23:46

This seems a very familiar story.

I think your time and attention would be better spent encouraging your daughter to form a positive relationship with her new tutor rather than stewing over this.

No, it doesn't sound like a safeguarding concern to me.

Trifleorbust · 10/03/2017 06:15

It clearly isn't an issue for the college. From a safeguarding point of view your daughter is perfectly safe. You have raised your concern and no-one else thinks there is an issue re. the other student. Let it go.

Tobuyornot99 · 10/03/2017 06:30

So the tutor chose, or had chosen for him, that he would keep the other woman and not tour daughter. He couldn't keep them both as they couldn't get on.he now takes out the young woman he is allocated to work with, and doesn't take out your daughter, who he is not allocated to work with. How on earth is that a safeguarding cocnern!?!?
If he did indeed have a choice in which young woman to continue working with, then I main your ridiculous attitude to this situation influenced his decision, and led to him chosen the client without the over involved, very odd mother.
Hope that helps.

SookiesSocks · 10/03/2017 06:46

Dd had been arguing with him a lot at that time.

I would imagine this is why he is now only teaching the other student.
It sounds like sour grales on your part.
If the college have said there is no cause for concern then you need to accept it.

You are not raising a safe guarding in the other girls best interests you are doing it to cause trouble because the tutor did not pick your DD. Hmm

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