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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is odd

103 replies

User500 · 09/03/2017 21:51

I've posted about this before but these been futher developments. Dd had been sharing a tutor with a very overbearing girl who the time she interrupted said that he took it as a given that if a student needed him while he was with another student that he would talk to them. When something had happened with my dd though he told her I can't just drop everything I've got other stuff to do when he was with this girl. Dd had been arguing with him a lot at that time. When told he wouldn't be able to keep both students he said I won't choose between them despite him having my dd first. He's now taking the other girl out weekly and ignoring my dd. Surely there is something odd going on between the two? The girl has described him as her kidred sprit and boasted to my dd he likes her more. Surely this is a safeguarding issue

OP posts:
DenimChicken · 10/03/2017 06:50

It is so odd that you keep on about this.

IamFriedSpam · 10/03/2017 06:50

If you've reported it to the college you've done your bit to protect the other girl. Your own DD is presumably no longer seeing this tutor so either look for an alternative tutor for her or concentrate on her education. I would encourage her to stop thinking about this man by doing the same yourself. Find a different focus. Can she start a new hobby? Find new friends?

frumpet · 10/03/2017 06:57

If your DD had been arguing a lot with the tutor then it may be that she is better with another tutor anyway , you don't mention if your DD is now working with another tutor ?
It may be normal for the tutor to work one to one , did DD originally do this with the tutor before the other girl started to work with the him and DD ?
If DD is getting no additional input and she needs it , that is where my concerns would lie .

WateryTart · 10/03/2017 07:04

You really need to let this go. He is no longer working with your daughter, get over it. The college are happy - the rest is none of your business, you are making yourself look ridiculous.

LIZS · 10/03/2017 07:11

I haven't seen previous threads but suspect you may only be hearing your dd's version which may be coloured by her frustration and resentment. I'm not clear what you think the safeguarding issue is if the tutor was assigned to another pupil and your dd has already been given a different one now.

TheWoodlander · 10/03/2017 07:11

I agree with pp's that it's odd you keep going on about this. It sounds like a very disturbing situation has developed where both girls are vying to be this man's favourite, and your dd will be far better off to cut emotional ties with both him and the other girl.

Your obsession with this cannot be helping - you need to concentrate on your DD, and her emotional development.

Miserylovescompany2 · 10/03/2017 07:32

The thing is OP, I don't think you'd be making a song and dance about this if he was still allocated to your daughter?

Maybe it is thought that he is better suited to the other student? If your daughter had previously been arguing a lot.

I know with my own SN DC that is not always a great idea to have just one person working with the child (or adult in this instance) because when relationships become strained or break down its devastating for the student.

I'm sorry your daughter is suffering. Personally, I'd use my energy to build her back up and help her deal with this. I'd imagine she feels rather rejected.

Whatthefreakinwhatnow · 10/03/2017 07:36

Bloody hell, this again?!

For God's sake get a grip and let it go!

Userone1 · 10/03/2017 07:39

Both girls have SEN and share a tutor, one girl is more demanding or maybe less capable than the other?

Why does he have to choose between them? If the both need a tutor.

Taking other girl out every week? Do you mean in the context of college work?

Tobuyornot99 · 10/03/2017 08:48

User you yourself said that the girls can't get on, ad can't share a tutor. What the flipping heck are you asking why he has to choose for - you know why.

And I don't know in which context he takes the girl out every week, you said it in your OP so presumably you know.

Original poster
user500 · 10/03/2017 11:27

The head of the college told him he can't be tutor to either of them as it would be unfair but he takes the other girl out weekly.

OP posts:
Tobuyornot99 · 10/03/2017 11:51

OP you know nothing about the other girls care and support plans, or who she gets therapeutic benefit from spending time with. Why are you so overly invested in this other girl?

Userone1 · 10/03/2017 11:51

Takes the other girl out weekly to where?

TheStoic · 10/03/2017 11:56

What do you want from these threads?

Nobody fully understands your bizarre situation.

Do you want this tutor to drop the other girl and only work with your daughter?

WateryTart · 10/03/2017 11:57

You really do need to mind your own business, you sound potty.

Original poster
user500 · 10/03/2017 12:01

Because the girl has been telling my dd that this tutor hates her and wants her dead etc. So surely she's got an unhealthy obsession with him of she's willing to say nasty things to her about it

OP posts:
SookiesSocks · 10/03/2017 12:02

Thats down to the girl not the tutor.

Tbh you sound obsessed with the tutor Hmm

If this other girl is bullying your DD then then complain about that not the bloody tutor!

WateryTart · 10/03/2017 12:03

You are the one with the unhealthy obsession. Leave the poor girl and the poor man alone.

TheStoic · 10/03/2017 12:04

Then report the girl. That's bullying and is unacceptable.

Whatthefreakinwhatnow · 10/03/2017 12:04

Right OP, seriously, you need to back off and let this go. This sounds like typical childish behaviour, winding each other up and trying to make your DD jealous as she's clearly got inappropriate feelings for the tutor.

I'd be telling my DD to ignore the other girl and concentrate on her college work, I would not be getting massively obsessive over involved as you are now.

Just let it go. Frankly, you sound unhinged

ItShouldHaveBeenJingleJess · 10/03/2017 12:11

You haven't got a clue about bit of a crush on this tutor, have you? Wink

ItShouldHaveBeenJingleJess · 10/03/2017 12:12

Dunno where the word clue came from!

Userone1 · 10/03/2017 12:13

I'm a bit confused in your op you were implying the tutor and the other girl have an unhealthy relationship and you had safeguarding concerns?

You say the tutor takes the other girl out weekly? Where? Do you mean he takes her out of the classroom to do activities? Or after college?

If the other girl is being unkind to your dd, that is a totally separate issue, take it up with school

MadMags · 10/03/2017 12:19

So surely she's got an unhealthy obsession

She's not the one with the unhealthy obsession.

I feel like this is some sort of wind up but it's just such a bizarre thing to troll about!

Original poster
user500 · 10/03/2017 12:27

She was willing to abuse my child over this man yet poor man and poor girl

OP posts: