To hate new haircut 💇🏻

[Pugmomma]

Long story short as i can squeeze it.. a few years ago I had an absolutely god awful experience at the hairdressers, where after asking her to 'take an inch off just to get rid of any dead ends' the silly cow lopped half my wig off - I kid you not I'm talking like 4/5 inches (my hair was virgin hair no colour no bleach no heat damage, it was also waist length, really thick and I bloody loved it).

Anyway, spent about a week crying and since then I've been so wary of the hairdressers and have had a hairdresser friend give me a trim/style every 3 months ish (hair was long - waist to bum length) and I was very happy with it, she was brilliant.

Fast forward to this year and my friend has moved away and I've had no hairdresser so I finally decided to brave it and go to a reputable salon (Toni & Guy no less!), told the woman what I wanted, just an inch off to rid the dead ends and a hair mask treatment. Sat there quite happy with a brew and a biscuit, while she chops away at the back of my head, couldn't see what she was doing as she's behind me, then she comes to the side of me and continues cutting and I had an absolute heart attack when I saw the length she'd taken off - actually did a little yelp which made her stop. She'd taken off about 5 inches!! She stopped and asked was I ok and I've had a little raging hissy bitch fit, manager comes running over, I've told her the situation and she bless her heart was very apologetic, tried telling me the girl who'd done it was still in training, but as half my hair was shoulder blades and the other half at my bum, I had no choice but to let the manager take over and chop the other half.

It's taken me years to grow it so long, not to mention the amount I've spent maintaining it with keratase masks, heat defence treatments, Moroccan oil shampoo etc. I'm absolutely devastated.

DP loved my long hair (he never even noticed when I had it trimmed in the past) and when I walked through the door after having been the hairdressers he actually looked shocked, and said oh they've taken a good bit off and told me I should complain to head office so I know it doesn't seem to be suiting me at all. Even DD who's 3 asked me what happened to mummy's rapunzel hair

The manager gave me a free voucher for 'next time' which I feel like burning. I'm actually sat here in tears. I reckon it's going to take over a year to grow back to anywhere near where it was.

AIBU to feel like ripping my actual hair out? Has anybody else ever had this?

Also feel obliged to say I'm in my mid twenties, so not mutton dressed as lamb with the long hair (my mum has ridiculous opinions of older women with longer hair but she's just an old moaner - I love older ladies with longer hair- I remember being amazed by Edna's hair in emmerdale!!)

Thank you to everyone for the kind replies, you are right it will grow back, and compared to some of the issues that goes on with other people (such as losing hair due to chemo treatment etc) it's absolutely completely irrelevant and now I've slept on it, it's not all as bad as yesterday. It was only yesterday it got cut, I've not cried for a week, that was when I was 15 and still in school to all the people leaving nasty replies, is it really necessary to upset and say degrading humiliating things when the person is already clearly upset? What may seem silly to you may mean a lot to somebody else and I think it's highly unnecessary. Recently I think mumsnet has become a bit of a bullying ground! What happened to women supporting each other? Not ripping each other to shreds. Not nice at all. Thanks again to all the kind people, you've given me perspective & hope, and it's made me feel much better. It will grow back (goes to pop some more hair vitamins)

Hi OP. I think people are being dicks here quite frankly. I totally get how you feel about your hair. I was ill and had treatment 7 years ago and lost all my long blonde hair and it made me feel terrible and unfeminine and just really shit and I am not "over invested" in how I look.

Good thing is, is that although you have to "wear" it every day it is hair and it will grow back, and it looks lovely in the third photo.

Chin up and all that, accept it, look for good styles for the length it is now, and it will grow back.

I do think that there is often a quickness to say "I wish I had that problem..." yes people do have bigger problems but it shouldn't take away from other people's upset. It hurt when I fell over last week but just because someone else might have a broken leg it doesn't stop it!

You need to be more watchful op- in a hawk when I'm having my hair cut.

Of course YANBU.

You asked for an inch and they took a mile! I'd be upset too.

I don't really get why people are being so scathing - ok, maybe you've overreacted, but we all do for different things. I cried my eyes out when I accidentally scalped my toddler, all his beautiful toddler curls gone in an instant. It was ridiculous and I knew it, but I couldn't help the reaction.

Last time I went to T&G, I asked for a side fringe and the woman took an inch of hair from the front and snipped the ends off. She also trimmed my hair wonky. The manager redid my hair when I went back but all the trust was gone - if the person cutting your hair is a trainee then I would expect them to be supervised!

Oh, and PS my hair is my 'thing' as well. It's not that long but it is thick and curly and I love it. I have also been left devastated by bad haircuts.

Hi OP, I think a lot of posters here have been pretty mean, ignore it. Your hair is important to you and there is nothing wrong with that, I'm sure if something happened and fundamentally changed an aspect of their own appearances they would be unhappy too. Fortunately it will eventually grow back, but it will take time. I have elbow length hair and wouldn't feel like me with shorter hair, people seem to have a problem with long hair, it doesn't look messy in your photos they should see my mane of curls and I think it looks far better and more individual than a matronly mum bob with the obligatory blonde highlights that most people seem to go for (and how lovely for your little girl to have a mummy with princess hair if she likes playing with hair when she's older) Hairdressers always seem to want to hack massive amounts off long hair, I've had the same experience almost every time I went they took too much off, even though I would specify only an inch etc etc. I haven't been to a hairdresser since I was at school, I do it myself now - it is really really easy. Get some proper hairdressing scissors and do a diy job at home.

Toni and Guy are shit. I've been there once and never again. Always check who you've booked your hair with.

Is that your new hair in the third picture? If so, it does look better, honestly.

YANBU to be upset you didn't get what you want wrt your hair cut.

YABU to have not been specific enough with what you wanted so that two different stylists managed to interpret you in exactly the same way and do the same thing. If it was a one off I'd chalk it up to a misunderstanding on the stylist's end but since the same thing has happened with two different stylists, years apart from different salons, I think you need to look at how you are explaining what you want too.

Long hair can end up having a lot of dead/split ends that go quite far up, and if it's been longer than usual with your friend moving away then there may have been more damage than usual. So you either need to discuss with the stylist a specific length or a specific treatment (ie cutting off all the dead/split ends) because often you can do one or the other, but not both.

Also I'd ask the stylist, in future, before they cut it to confirm what they plan to cut - I've always had them lift my hair to cut, so the stylist could hold it at eye level, but also so they could show me in the mirror how much they were planning on cutting and I could say more or less, depending on where they were holding it.

I remember when I moved to southern Turkey for a year, I had lovely long, thick hair down past my bum (and I'm 5'11" so that was a lot of hair*) but it was 25 degrees in winter and 45 degrees in summer and I just couldn't deal with the weight of my hair in the heat so decided to get it chopped off. I went to the salon and they were aghast that I wanted to cut so much of my hair off in one go and kept trying to talk me out of it, but I was so grumpy because it was just making me hot all the time and I threatened to take the scissors and do it myself if they wouldn't ... literally the entire salon were stood around while the stylist gathered it into a loose ponytail and roughly cut off most of it so he could then cut and style the rest.

I went into the salon with hair I could sit on and went out with it about 20 inches shorter, not even touching my shoulders. It took a lot of getting used to, and even though I wanted it that short I was still a little shocked every time I saw myself in a mirror, or flicked my hair and didn't feel it all down my back but I got used to it and knew that worst case scenario, I'd just have to wait for it to grow back or get extensions.

Haven't RTFT (read most of it) and it's been not particularly nice. Posters can be such sheep on here: if the first one or two start off in a certain way - supportive or sneery or unsympathetic or what have you - then so many others just pile on in the same vein.

I think YANBU. The haircut you got was a long way from what you requested, so I'm not surprised you're annoyed about that.
Also, I understand what it is to have one good feature that makes you feel OK and helps you be able to face the world. It was my slim waist/ good figure for me when I was younger, as my face and hair were never up to much!

Also, I have a friend in her early 60's with very long hair. She looks fab! I hate women sneering at women, especially at older women. We have enough other things to contend with.

I'm glad you're feeling better about it already, OP.

I've had some hairdresser disasters, so understand your pain. Worst was Toni & Guy, they're (as I discovered too late) notorious for doing what they want/ think looks cool rather than what the customer asks for. I wanted short hair but they cut it so short it was about an inch long on top, and they styled it spiked up with wax - it was a far cry from what I'd wanted and asked for. No hiding from that bad haircut - it was too short to do anything with!

FWIW, your hair looks so much better and healthier in the 3rd photo. The hairdresser probably just heard about tidying the ends up, so did that. It's hard to see the true condition of the hair on the back of your own head, so whilst you are understandably upset, your hair will grow, and will look better for having had a decent amount off all the ends rather than a conservative '1 inch' which probably wouldn't have got rid of all the untidy ends, however much you condition your hair.

If it's really bothering you I'd get some good quality extensions until it's grown a bit.

OP YANBU, I identify strongly with my hair length too, I always have and always will. It may sound strange to some but I feel secure with long hair, I hide behind it and I wouldn't be me with shorter hair. And it doesnt matter if long hair is cool or not I follow my own style and taste so you should be able to as well, how boring if we all had the same hair. My DD would have called me Rapunzel or something similar when she was little too, it doesn't mean that you've heavily influenced her about your hair. Just keep conditioning and trimming it and it will be as it was, I would feel angry too though.

whiterabbitears you sound exactly like me! That's exactly how I feel, or felt should I say. My DD has fairly shortish curly dark blonde hair and she doesn't mind whatever we do to it, so I don't think she's 'hair-orientated', which I'm glad of, I want her to be happy with however she looks and whatever she does. I am going too, I'm going to put a mask on later and keep popping hair helping vitamins. I was scrolling through insta before and this actually made me laugh out loud- totally relatable to myself and a few others it would seem x

I think you've had some harsh replies on here, your hair is absolutely beautiful in all the pics and I can see why its your crowning glory. Like you I see my hair as my good feature as I'm overweight so I hate my body. My DH also likes my hair long and I'm glad he finds that physically attractive about me. My DDs have similar long thick hair to me but don't seem so attached so hopefully they will have more confidence. I love that pic! Thats exactly me! here's to our long hair!

I think you have received some harsh responses too and I'm glad you're feeling better about the whole thing.

Your hair really does look lovely though.

I absolutely understand.... ignore the critical comments... and enjoy your healthy glossy hair and remember it will grow back ... x

i think your hair looks lovely now OP, I'm jealous! I want to grow mine, it's looking dreadful right now as I am having a whole new colour done next week so I haven't been able to do anything with it for a few weeks and it is all grey at the roots and brassy red..looks dreadful.

I echo what others have said about Toni and Guy btw. Had my hair cut there years ago and it looked shit. The 'boxiest' bob I've ever had. Never went there again!

YANBU

You still have beautiful hair though.

YANBU.

The hairdresser did something completely different from what you asked for and it will be getting on for a year before it grows back (if that's what you want). I've had a couple of awful haircuts before too, and found I was a bit less confident with worse hair.

Maybe some of the posters who think it doesn't matter might like to have 5 inches cut off their hair this afternoon

I see nothing wrong with being on the same wavelength as your imaginative 3yo who thinks you have "Rapunzel hair". Maybe Rapunzel doesn't need it so long now because she's escaped from the tower??

It does look absolutely fine with the new cut though, and personally I prefer it as it looks bouncier and lighter.

Maybe she was getting the dead ends off, or maybe just trying to make it more stylish, because very long, straight hair is pretty uncool.

That is just your opinion and many would disagree, but it also was not for the hairdresser to decide,

Ok...You went to get your extra long hair cut and left with a much nicer and more manageable haircut FOR FREE

I wouldn't be complaining, I'd be thanking them. I used to have really long hair, then it got cut shorter than I'd asked for and it was a blessing in disguise. Give it a week and you won't notice.

Do you know what? I'm going to go against the grain too. YANBU.

I have bum-length, auburn, hair. I have twice lost more than I wanted to at hairdressers because they cannot listen to "just take off two inches." Therefore I only go to one specific local hairdresser as she is the only one who listens (and actually understands I want to have long hair). In the same way all her older ladies ask for the same thing every time (traditional close-set perm), and the 20 year olds get highlights and extensions, I ask for a general tidy-up that lets the hair grow. We're all happy.

I am assuming that everyone telling you that you're obsessing about your long hair and how it shouldn't define you has never put make up on, got a nice haircut themselves (cropped short, of course), or bought fancy clothes in case they send out the message that doing something to make yourself feel special is promoting a negative body image in some way. I mean, most of the venom here is saying "I don't like long hair, therefore I'm glad your hair has been ruined." If it had been a male hairdresser, would you all have had more sympathy with the OP? Or is it an issue because here's a woman who liked something about herself and you're trying to bodyshame (hairshame?) her into styling her hair in a way you like as opposed to what she wants?

Long hair is 'my thing' too. I can't wear much makeup (cba, and allergic to most brands) and I'm not that bothered about clothes, but my hair is (despite being "long, straight and uncool") something I'm happy with. If a hairdresser lopped off inches of it I'd be cross too. It does become part of your identity and that's why it's upsetting when the style you wanted is ruined. Yes, it'll grow back, but you end up with a year of shorter-than-you-wanted hair. It's not fair and you have every right to be upset/cross/etc. Yes, it is ruined, because it's not what you asked for. Extensions are not the same as real hair. Dyeing it blue when you asked for blonde (or vice versa) is not the same as getting the right colour change. Chopping off twice as much is not what was asked for.

I hope your Rapunzel hair grows back quickly (should grow faster over the summer). Try to find another, non-chain, hairdresser in the intervening months and explain that you want to grow your hair, explain your awful experience, and only allow the sympathetic ones anywhere near your hair.

"very long, straight hair is pretty uncool."

Says who?

Well, I don't care anyway-I'm happy to be in the uncool club.

DD had a similar experience. She wasn't happy. 2 things we were told

1. don't go to Toni and Guy
2. always have long hair cut by someone with long hair

Good luck growing it back OP.