To be upset DP has applied for a cabin crew job?

[dogdayafternoons]

NC for this as I feel quite embarrassed by my mean spirited feelings on the matter.

DP applied for a cabin crew job last week and he's been offered an initial assessment. It's his dream job and I should be really happy for him, but I'm struggling to be as encouraging as I should be.

We're getting married soon and also about to embark on IVF treatment. I know it's utterly hypothetical on all levels at this stage, but the horrible part of me feels like it's not really an appropriate job for a married man who may potentially be a father. I don't have any family nearby to help me with a baby. Therefore dp would be my only support and he could potentially be away for big chunks of time. Also it doesn't pay very well, and I can't help feeling the lack of financial reward will not help to make up for me being left on my own so much.

Of course none of this may come to pass. I'm trying to paint a smile on my face, but tbh I feel quite hurt that he wants to pursue this at a point like this.

IABU aren't I?

Didn't you post about him before? Can't remember the specifics but something to do with him not pulling his weight, him expecting you to finance his life?

Well that's ludicrous, CarrieMyBag. What person quits their job because someone is struggling with a baby?! Nearly everyone struggles a bit with a baby, especially the first baby, but (SN excluded here) the struggling bit doesn't last that long and someone needs to be earning a crust! Can you just imagine if everyone from postman to prime minister "quit" because their other half wanted to get a decent night's sleep?

Carrie Your use of the words 'let him' and 'make him' is a little controlling - he's a grown man, not a child.

Yes that was me mickeysminnie

He's been working for over a year now though. Long hours and he works hard. Everything was going well (apart from the infertility horror) until now.

I can't make him do anything, nor would I want to. In the same vein I don't let him do things. He's a grown adult

Exactly how old is your partner Dogday? I have read the thread but I can't see his age.

Should add, OP. Many jobs are not paid well and the hours make life difficult. I was a nurse for years and worked nights to accommodate my DH's work (often away) and having a small child. It was hard. It IS hard for most ordinary people.

He's mid twenties.

I really don't see the relevance of his age though tbh. He's an adult. He's chosen of his own free will to marry me and try for a family. I did not force him into any of these things.

Feel like the age thing is becoming a stick to beat me with on here😡. When I was his age I was with an abusive year who ruined my life for years. I've done nothing but encourage him and supported him to find a job, better his situation etc.

I'm not the old lady forcing the poor young boy to bend to my will!

Abusive partner that should say.

Not that my own personal past experiences are really relevant here. That's not what it's about.

Appalled at the narrow minded idiots on here asking if he's gay too. Congratulations on managing to be simultaneously homophobic and rude.

58 you sound like a right fool saying things like that.

To be fair OP, age IS relevant. 25 is nothing. It's young! You don't HAVE a child yet...though you've discussed it.

If I had a son or daughter of 25 whose partner didn't want them to become cabin crew in case of a baby coming in the future, I'd tell them to rethink the relationship.

Age is relevant as you seem to be at different stages in your lives. In his mid 20s he's wanting to start on a career that may involve him being away a lot. You're wanting cozy domesticity. People of a similar age may have that mismatch but it's more common if there's an age difference particularly if the woman is older as many men take longer to want to do the domesticity thing and can have kids later.
Asking if he's gay isn't homophobic just a bit daft.

Apart from anything else, corkscrews are twisted, not bent. A bent corkscrew wouldn't work.

His age is relevant because he's so young and from what you say, qneeds you to sort his shit out. Mid 20s for many people is when you establish yourself in a career. He clearly wants this job and he's got years left to try to have children (even if he needs assistence to do this).

I wouldn't advise a child of mine to either marry, or abandon career plans or have a child when they were so young and, frankly, immature.

I for one am not beating you over the age gap - my best friend was married for 40 years to a man 25 years older than her, and another friend has been married for 35 years to someone 15 years younger.

However, age is relevant in your circumstances - at his age he's understandably keen to explore new horizons, literally, in a job that clashes with the plan to commence IVF. You only have to look at the TTC threads to see how incompatible the two might be. So YNBU to be upset, in reply to your OP.

All the male cabin crew I have encountered have been bent as corkscrew

I last heard the term 'bent' used by my great grandmother about 30 years ago

I'm not the old lady forcing the poor young boy to bend to my will!

No I know you are't!

It is just that there is often a very different set of priorities regarding baby/family fro m a woman at the end of her fertility yeas and a man in his mid-twenties which can come to the fore in times of stress!

I know several mothers who work as cabin crew. They work long hours, during which the fathers do the childcare, but they also have weeks on which they spend several days at home. I think it can work. What sort of job do you do? Is it flexible? You are not even pregnant yet so it could be a while before you need to worry about this. If he got the job next month, you could easily spend one year doing ivf, then 9 months pregnant, 9 more on ml, etc. He could have been in the job for more than 2 years by then

Isn't the correct expression for the over 80s " plays for the other team " or " friend of Dorothy " ?
< recalls own grandfather >

If the OPs partner had decided to come out to her, there are easier ways of doing it than joining BA

58 there are plenty of straight male cabin crew, your comments are silly.

You do sound at different stages in your life. I was with a younger man when I was your age. He also said he wanted marriage and a family. He didn't really. It was me encouraging him, looking back. To me, sadly, this seems as though this guy is torn between his dreams and wanting a life with you, and the fact that he's still applying says a lot. I think that when I was in my late 30s I was so focused on being married and having a family that I didn't look at the big picture and see that the relationship wasn't quite right. It ended up with him having an affair and leaving (at the time he was telling me he wanted a baby and we had a wedding imminent, when we broke up he said he'd thought he'd wanted that, then realised he didn't and didn't know how to tell me). Sorry for sounding negative, but I wasted too many years with him and possibly missed out on having children because of that.

I think regardless of how this pans out it is irrevocably going to change the nature of your relationship. Yes, your DP wants to be a father but he has the luxury of being able to now postpone that for a year, or five, or whatever because he is a) male and b) young and he has the possibility of exploring new avenues instead. You don't have that option and that is probably only coming home to roost with him now.

I want, doesn't get

58 wow - immature AND homophobic