Do you expect to pay for our own drinks at he evening do of a wedding?

[WhistlingBetty]

I am getting married in six weeks and we need to let he venue know what we want to do about the bar.

We have 100 day guests and as well as canapes and a three course meal alcohol included is:

3 X glasses of champagne
Half a bottle of wine

We have an additional 30 guests for the evening and are doing a hot buffet. How much alcohol would you expect to be covered as an evening guest or a day guest going to the evening party? We can't afford a free bar.

'The only dry NI weddings I've been to are free Presbyterian. '

Yes, they're Free Kirk of Scotland (I guess they call them Presbyterians when they are Kirk of Scotland outside of Scotland). It's wedding ceremony, reception in church hall, cut cake and everyone goes home. No carrying on in a pub or dance.

90% of say the 15 weddings I've been to in past 5 years have had a free bar. The ones that don't stand out like a sore thumb and all I remember is queuing at the bar, digging around in my purse etc..if you possibly can, offer a free bar, it makes it so much more enjoyable for everyone. Weddings are costly enough for guests without shelling out for drinks too.

I thought Free Kirk of Scotland was Reformed Presbyterian in N Ireland? Covenanters?

Free Presbyterians are Ian Paisley's invention. Do they have Free Presbyterians elsewhere, or just in N Ireland?

Majortiy of weddings Ive been too also never hcrage for drinks. If its evening guests I think its beyond eman and tight to expect them to pay! So lets get this straight- they were class B guests, not important enough as A guests to attend the whole day and get fed, watered and witness the crucial points of the day. Its saying- yeah you weren't important enough to be here all day, you didn't get to enjoy bubbly during reception and speeches, dinner and wine and now you also have to pay for drinks too to enjoy a crap DJ for a few hours- is just appalling! If you cant afford free bar then have waiters serve beer/wine some cheap cocktails e.g.. winter pimms etc. on trays which spaces things out as people have to drink theirs and then hunt down the waiter through crowds to get another 1.

Even if you don't have your own garden for a marquee (most people do not) but have to hire a venue, I know that you do not always have to use to the bar but can have wine/other throughout, paid for by the hosts.

If you do use the bar, the hosts can put money behind it.

I would opt to provide wine/champagne/beer/soft drinks for the guests but have no bar.

Personally I wouldn't be too happy about that as none of those things are my tipple. Perfectly happy to pay for my own and order what I like.

Its often done as wine/beer as free but if guests want spirits they can go to bar and pay, that's fine.

I've only been to one wedding that had a free bar. It was a high limit - I think around £4000 - but some of my work colleagues behaved disgracefully and were getting multiple drinks and doubles, just because they could. I guess I maybe don't keep classy company.

Thinking about it, evening guests incur most of the expense of day guests. They'll need to contribute towards a gift, wear an outfit (although as evening guests more likely that they will not buy a new one) and pay for getting there and back. It seems a bit inhospitable to not offer them any sort of alcoholic beverage for all this trouble.

Do you mean the Free Church (Kirk) of Scotland (Wee Frees) Treacle Soda or the Free Presbyterian Church of Scotland (Wee Wee Frees). Both are Presbyterian.

Free Presbyterian Church of Scotland was found in something like 1893, so predates Paisley's Free Presbyterians of Ulster. Although I would imagine that members of neither would be allowed to go to a Catholic funeral. And I think there are also Free Presbyterian Church of Ulster congregations in Scotland, although that could just be confusion (probably understandable).

en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Free_Church_of_Scotland_(since_1900)
en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Free_Presbyterian_Church_of_Scotland

It's all a bit People's United Front of Judea for me, although I might burn in hell for that thought, but then again that's already decided by god's will whether I thought it or not, so what the hell...

Same. I always used to think it was unbelievably cheeky to expect the host to provide you with all your drink for free at a wedding, but this is one of those things where MN has shown me there's a lot of variation within even British culture!

I think perhaps when people are asking what they should do, it might be an idea to state region, social class, religion etc!

Stiletto good question! I'm not sure which 'free' Scottish church I'm talking about. Probably best ignore me, as I didn't know there were more than one.

All I know is that the N Ireland Free Ps are Paisley's folk and many of them would be at the rather extreme end of things eg no alcohol, no TV, no handling money or working if you are female, no trousers if you are female, no attending Catholic weddings or funerals, no going to the gym, no cinema etc

Not dissimilar then Treacle. One of the differences between the two Scottish ones is whether it is a sin to take public transport to Church on the Sabbath!

In the UK culture too there are lots of weddings where you don't pay for drinks. Until this thread I did not realise there were so many weddings where people do pay for them.

I expect it's a class thing.

It is a class thing. As I said before I have only been to 1 wedding where drinks were not free flowing all day. I have also never been to a wedding that had different guests for the evening. Guests do the whole event church, reception, any evening do.

The as for not having money to pay - do people reheat gone it for the day or evening and not take out money? Or even a card? That's a risk in itself surely.

It is a class thing. As I said before I have only been to 1 wedding where drinks were not free flowing all day. I have also never been to a wedding that had different guests for the evening. Guests do the whole event church, reception, any evening do.

Ditto. Although I've never been to a wedding where people set out to get drunk, in the way some of the posters here have spoken about. Just because drinks are "free" (well of course they are, you're being hosted at a celebration, why would you pay?) doesn't mean you have to drink to excess. But I suppose some people have a slim view of good manners. It's just pretty rude & uncouth, IMO.

Never been to an Irish wedding then, clearly!

I've never been to a wedding that was anything other than church first, then hotel afterwards. I suppose the fact that it's in a hotel changes things anyway - you can't exactly do a free bar otherwise anyone in the hotel could just saunter in and help themselves to the free bar, the staff wouldn't know if they're wedding guests or not.

Same. I always used to think it was unbelievably cheeky to expect the host to provide you with all your drink for free at a wedding, but this is one of those things where MN has shown me there's a lot of variation within even British culture!
*
I think perhaps when people are asking what they should do, it might be an idea to state region, social class, religion etc!*

At a Jewish wedding it is very much NOT the done thing to ask anyone to pay for drinks at any point during the festivities. I can't think of a Jewish wedding I've been to (including my own) where I've been asked to put my hand in my pocket. I absolutely wouldn't expect this, and certainly not at any non Jewish wedding - not suggesting I think this is how it ought to be. Just pointing out how it generally is

(Bold fail!)

I've only been to a few in the last few years, but there was definitely no free bar, and that seems normal to me? Weddings are expensive and I can't imagine how much more it would have cost to fork out for drinks for everyone at the reception; I'd definitely never expect free drinks at a wedding

I have only been to one Jewish wedding and there was a paid bar! Though now I think of it, they had an Israeli guest who seemed surprised so maybe it's unusual in the culture. Hadn't realised.

Agree with banana fish. I have said before on MN that a cash bar at a Jewish wedding is like a furrier at a greenpeace event....

The majority of our wedding guests were recently graduated/current students in their early 20s (as are we, we didn't just randomly invite a bunch of students ), no way were we going to do a free bar, we'd be skint

No-one complained about it being a paid bar.

I am not from the UK so new to the day/evening thing. Where I am from you are either invited to everything or not at all. I recently got an evening invite from a woman I dont know very well which was kind. I have been told that they expect cash gifts, that I will need to pay for a hotel room, that
Children are not welcome and that whilst snacks will be provided hot food and alcohol is not. I have declined the invite.

I can not buy new clothes, a gift, a hotel room, petrol, an overnight baby sitter and not receive either food or a glass of wine. I feel that the only reason I have been invited is to add cash to their collection. I find it rude and grabby.

I would expect to buy my own.

However, it really pisses me off when the bride/groom don't deal with the venue in terms of what they are charging the guests!

Last wedding I went to, we were only invited to the evening do (fair enough). Rock up (spent £50 on a present, and approx £150 on outfits for us both to wear), and send DH to the bar for a coke and a beer - £9 later...ffs! (this was up north I might add!)

It's just rude. The bar at my wedding cost 60p for a coke and £3 for a beer!