Do you expect to pay for our own drinks at he evening do of a wedding?

[WhistlingBetty]

I am getting married in six weeks and we need to let he venue know what we want to do about the bar.

We have 100 day guests and as well as canapes and a three course meal alcohol included is:

3 X glasses of champagne
Half a bottle of wine

We have an additional 30 guests for the evening and are doing a hot buffet. How much alcohol would you expect to be covered as an evening guest or a day guest going to the evening party? We can't afford a free bar.

I would expect to buy our own.

Last wedding I went to there was a reminder on the invitation that the bar didn't take cards. Which I thought was a good way of indicating we had to buy our own. Dh said it was probably because young people often pay by card in bars. I need to get out more!!

it was a posh do but it got ugly pretty quickly

I suspect that my family has what you might call "posh dos" but we are also well-mannered ...

My cousin paid for a couple bottles of wine to go on the tables in the njght. Just house wine nothing fancy then people paid for their own.

Evening only invitations are very normal where I am,

No-one I know would be baffled or miffed by one

We paid for 4 drinks for day guests - basically a Buck's Fizz, 2 glasses of wine with the meal (or soft drinks on request and a toast. Evening guests bought own drink. Don't think I have been to an evening do where any drinks are provided.

I've never been to a wedding where we have had to pay for drinks, it's utterly unwashed of in our culture. There are usually champagne and a selection of cocktails for the reception, wine with dinner and an open bar in the evening. Evening only guests are unheard of too. It's he norm in our crowd too to cover at least beer and wine for say a 40th and 50th in a bar. Would I object to paying for drinks at a wedding? I'd be surprised and most likely wouldn't have any money on me to be honest.

lineysrun no speeches at all. Or best man at that.My dad will probably say thanks after a few pints in the evening once most people have arrived.

Not in my culture. I've never once seen a day/evening invitation and people here would be absolutely baffled by the concept

But you understand that other cultures do exist, is the point? And just because it isn't what you are used to doesn't meant there is anything wrong with it.

And I doubt they'd be baffled, its not a challenging concept even if you've never personally experienced it.

Tove did not say there was anything wrong in it, only that she'd be surprised to find she had to pay at a wedding and might not have money with her.

But you understand that other cultures do exist, is the point?

In the UK culture too there are lots of weddings where you don't pay for drinks. Until this thread I did not realise there were so many weddings where people do pay for them.

The OP asked what other people would do.

I'm always struck when I read these threads by how different people's experiences of weddings are, even within the UK. About half the weddings I've been to had no alcohol at all with the meal, and Shloer for the toasts. I've even been to one where the bar only served soft drinks (and it wasn't a free bar). But this is N Ireland church weddings, and it's generally because tradition dictates that the minister who conducted the wedding gets invited to the reception and either 1) he dictates no alcohol or 2) the family pretend to be tee-total until he leaves . Either way though it's not unusual for their to be no wine provided and no one really thinks twice about it.

About half the weddings I've been to had no alcohol at all with the meal, and Shloer for the toasts. I've even been to one where the bar only served soft drinks (and it wasn't a free bar). But this is N Ireland church weddings, and it's generally because tradition dictates that the minister who conducted the wedding gets invited to the reception and either 1) he dictates no alcohol or 2) the family pretend to be tee-total until he leaves

We need a gobsmacked emoticon.

I've made a mental note to decline any wedding invitation held in Northern Ireland.

Although I love the solution I once read on a thread on here about dry weddings. It said something along the lines of as every guest turned up and made horrified faces at being told the wedding was dry, eventually they had a whip round and legged it to the supermarket and then an unofficial bar was set up in the boot of someone's car.

I would expect to pay for drinks at a wedding, and would be pleasantly surprised at an open bar.

I would expect to pay for my own drinks other than some wine with the wedding breakfast.

I've had to pay for my drinks at all but one wedding I've been to (about 10 or so)

My experience chimes with tove's. I've never been to a wedding with a day/evening split, and I've never had to buy drinks.

I expect it's a class thing. My family and friends generally have houses and gardening enough to host the reception - either in the house or in a marquee in the garden. No need for hiring a venue or a bar.

'I've made a mental note to decline any wedding invitation held in Northern Ireland.'

I've been to several Christian ones in the US, but they were all: marriage ceremony, cake and tea/coffee/non-alcoholic beverages and nibbles straight after in church and that was the entire wedding (they don't do evening do's there at all).

I've also been to a few Muslim ones that are dry and those include a meal and sometimes dancing.

My dad put some money behind the bar but told the staff not to let people take the piss- no triples etc! My sister is getting married shortly and is putting money behind the bar, when it runs out it runs out!

I expect it's a class thing. My family and friends generally have houses and gardening enough to host the reception - either in the house or in a marquee in the garden. No need for hiring a venue or a bar.

Yep.
My parents live in a four bed detached house in suburbia.
I live in a Victorian terrace.
There isn't space for a marquee.

So you have to get married elsewhere and then there is a proper bar, with proper bar prices.

I have been to a wedding in a family garden, it was lovely. But doesn't work for 99% of the population.

I'd probably expect a bit put behind the bar by the couple or their parents, enough for everyone to have a drink on them.

Then I'd expect to pay for my own drinks.

At my wedding, my BIL put an extortionate amount of money behind the bar so it was free drinks for everyone all night. It was great apart from one friend puking in the water feature (vodka red bull and buffettgoing round and round the fountain for the rest of the night) and another friend falling asleep under the raised stage-y bit (we thought she'd been abducted)

I'm going to hazard a guess that the NI churchy type weddings mentioned weren't Catholic. From personal experience, those tend to be much more, erm, well watered.

I think in some ways you're better off handing out first drinks to evening reception people or providing bottles of wine.

If you put money behind the bar you might find that a few people use it all up by drinking quickly or propping up the bar and others get nothing.

elsi I thought that too re Catholic weddings!

I've only ever been to one wedding where drinks were provided throughout. They must have been awfully posh as nobody even got especially drunk. Actually call it two, as there was anoither where the bride's parents stashed away drinks for months for a barless reception, but guests could bring a bottle too if they liked. Usually day guests are offered drinks at the table but I've never expected a free bar in the evening.

No, you're right, they weren't Catholic!

Presbyterian mostly, with occasional Reformed Presbyterian, Baptist, Gospel Hall etc.

I have been to a couple of Catholic weddings too and they were indeed much less... dry!

Thought so! I have been to one NI Protestant wedding with lots of drink, but they were C of I. Nearly as bad!

The only dry NI weddings I've been to are free Presbyterian. (we are technically Protestant but definitely not free P so were slightly amazed at the first one) the rest are definitely not dry!!