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Original poster

Do you expect to pay for our own drinks at he evening do of a wedding?

225 replies

WhistlingBetty · 07/03/2017 16:01

I am getting married in six weeks and we need to let he venue know what we want to do about the bar.

We have 100 day guests and as well as canapes and a three course meal alcohol included is:

3 X glasses of champagne
Half a bottle of wine

We have an additional 30 guests for the evening and are doing a hot buffet. How much alcohol would you expect to be covered as an evening guest or a day guest going to the evening party? We can't afford a free bar.

OP posts:
noeffingidea · 07/03/2017 22:48

Most of the weddings I've been to have had free bars. Most of these have been in London and it seems to be the tradition in the East end.
We had a free bar at our wedding (many years ago) , we certainly weren't rich. We just saved up for it and had the reception in a social club, so cheap prices. I expect plenty of people got drunk but no one puked up or caused trouble.
Having said that I wouldn't expect free drinks at an evening do nowadays.

VonHerrBurton · 07/03/2017 22:56

Never been to a wedding that had a free bar in the evening. Providing a glass of something on arrival , couple of bottles of wine with dinner/wedding b'fast and possibly a glass for toast and I think that's more than generous.

Ameliablue · 07/03/2017 23:03

a drink on arrival at most

Aspiringcatlady · 07/03/2017 23:05

We didnt put any money behind the bar for evening guests. And as an evening guest I wouldn't expect it!

fuckwitery · 07/03/2017 23:23

Is it just me who finds the phrase "free bar" or "free drinks" a bit hideous? Free at the pint of sale maybe. But not "free".

I've never been to a weeding or party where I've been expected to pay for drinks though. So what do I know.

bananafish81 · 07/03/2017 23:31

Is it just me who finds the phrase "free bar" or "free drinks" a bit hideous? Free at the pint of sale maybe. But not "free".

I'd always called it an open bar vs a cash bar

LineysRun · 08/03/2017 00:18

Ahardmanisgoodtofind if you're not providing any drinks, just be careful if there are speeches and toasts. It's a bit cringey if no-one has a drink and the best man's holding his empty hand aloft with a dawning look of mortified embarrassment on his face.

Bananamama1213 · 08/03/2017 00:28

I would never expect free drinks. I am 100% happy to pay for my own.

EmeraldScorn · 08/03/2017 04:23

One of my sister's had an open bar for the evening reception at her wedding, so for a time drinks were free for everyone but this was limited to 4 drinks per guest; She had personalised "tokens" made and we were all given 4 each in little satin bags.

For the wedding "breakfast" there was champagne on arrival and there was wine on the table; I can't remember the exact number of guests she had but I think it was something like 100 for the day and 150 in the evening.

Other weddings I've attended have mostly provided a free drink for the toast and a few bottles of wine for the meal but a cash bar later - I don't expect free alcoholic drinks at weddings and I think what you've got planned sounds more than enough - Congratulations and enjoy your big day!

graciestocksfield · 08/03/2017 04:32

Definitely yes to a pay bar. Especially as you've provided plenty of alcohol on arrival and with the meal.

farfarawayfromhome · 08/03/2017 05:01

i would totally expect to pay at an evening do. i'm 41, have been to countless weddings, and the evenings the bar was always paid by guests.

dicdicnurse · 08/03/2017 05:21

I've never experienced an open bar at a wedding, I would always expect to buy my drinks in the evening.

MidniteScribbler · 08/03/2017 05:33

I've never been to a wedding where beer/wine/soft drink is not provided. But then again, the whole concept of day and evening guests baffles me as well. So some people aren't good enough to actually see you get married, get a meal, and get a drink, but you expect them to get a babysitter/pay for outfits/buy a present and fawn all over you for the night?

willywillywillywilly · 08/03/2017 09:30

For PP talking about people taking the piss - you can stop this easily.
We had a free bar at our wedding but we told the hotel that the free drinks were only to be wine, beer/cider and soft drinks. No spirits and no cocktails - if people wanted them they could pay for them.

So you can still get people drinking loads (although our friends aren't arseholes and didn't take the piss out of us) but at least you don't get your eyes taken out by paying for loads of expensive drinks, like in the premium rum / triple whisky examples above.

TheOnlyLivingToyInNewYork · 08/03/2017 09:49

But then again, the whole concept of day and evening guests baffles me as well. So some people aren't good enough to actually see you get married, get a meal, and get a drink, but you expect them to get a babysitter/pay for outfits/buy a present and fawn all over you for the night?

This is a really weird attitude and its only you who thinks its about "being good enough" and being expected to do things. And fawn over? Behave! Don't go to parties if you obviously loathe them and the people hosting them!

Afters invites are culturally the norm for a lot of people, so give it a rest.

zukiecat · 08/03/2017 10:18

I haven't been to many weddings, less than 10 in all my 50 years

I've never had free drinks at an evening reception and would always expect to pay for my own, I've never heard of a free bar at an evening do

MidniteScribbler · 08/03/2017 11:13

Afters invites are culturally the norm for a lot of people, so give it a rest.

Not in my culture. I've never once seen a day/evening invitation and people here would be absolutely baffled by the concept.

Glitteryfrog · 08/03/2017 13:08

Evening invites are for the people like work colleagues.
You spend a lot of time with them, but they're not your friends/family. They want to wish you well, but don't expect to be fed and watered.

KindDogsTail · 08/03/2017 13:29

I have never been to a wedding where the drinks were paid for. The drinks were wine, champagne, beer and soft drinks - throughout.

Smiler2013 · 08/03/2017 17:01

I wouldn't expect a free drink at eveneing. Never been to a wedding yet that the bride/groom or anyone else provided free drink or free bar.

KurriKurri · 08/03/2017 17:07

I've never been to a wedding where I didn't pay for my own drinks at a bar. Have occasionally been to ones where you get a glass of wine or bubbly when you arrive, and afterwards buy your own.

HilairHilair · 08/03/2017 17:13

I have never been to a wedding where I've had to buy drinks. But then in my circle of family & friends we tend to have weddings at home, or in a place where we can afford to pay for a generous allowance of drinks. But just thinking back over the last 10 years of family weddings, there's never been a cash bar. I really wouldn't expect to have to pay for drinks at a wedding. Seems a bit off to me, but I suppose if you can't afford, you can't afford it.

BadToTheBone · 08/03/2017 17:16

I've been to weddings where drinks were free. One where the guests just took that to mean they could hammer as many back as possible, it was a posh do but it got ugly pretty quickly. I expect to pay for my own drinks normally.

ShoutOutToMyEx · 08/03/2017 17:43

it was a posh do but it got ugly pretty quickly

How so? I'm a bit worried about this.

KindDogsTail · 08/03/2017 17:46

I have never been to a wedding where the drinks were paid for
I put that in a muddling way as I meant paid for by the hosts but that was not clear:

At every wedding I have been too, the drinks have been free throughout.
The drinks on offer were wine, champagne, beer, soft drinks, tea and cofee.

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