Neighbours shagging in their hot tub at 5am this morning

[SmallVera]

And the bastards regularly have loud parties in that festering chlamydia soup with their mates until the early hours at least twice a week.

They're keeping me awake and waking up the DC and I'm fed up with it.

They are really brash and vulgar and alas I am an anxious type and not brave enough to confront them.

But what can I do?!

Genius!

I would go for super soakers filled with some milky white fluid. Shoot it straight up so it lands from the sky so they can't tell from whence it came along with notes under the door saying that the whole neighbourhood is watching and thanks for the extra income

Report it. It's disgusting on so many levels.

Check your local government website about making a noise complaint

My imagination is running amok at the description of noise the OP will have to include in the complaint form

Please describe the type of noise you find disturbing
Loud groaning, shrieking and increasingly heavy breathing (male and female, I think...). Think Meg Ryan

(Ex DC)
It's not in public but that doesn't matter people having sex in their garden is a no no...when kids could see...

Knock the door? Write if you're anxious. Keep it factual-but tell them what you could see swinging... if that doesn't work Council... landlord...

milkmans saggy bollocks, second hand psoriasis flakes and death by cruise ship disease

Priceless

Their shagging must have been epic to wake a busy mum from the opportunity to sleep at 5am. Also does somebody's garden count as in public?? Although it's a nuisance what people get up to in their own homes is generally their business. Be mindful if you report them, you still have to live next door to them. Sounds like that film bad neighbours

Many years ago my then DH and I bought a mid terrace house which was next door to the end terrace.

In that house was two adults and two kids. And a fucking drum kit.

Boy kid would come home from school and just bash on them repeatedly for about 3 hours. We tolerated this, it wasn't late but annoying.

But the dad was an arsehole. He would go out and get pissed most nights, stagger home at 11.30pm and then HE would start banging on the drums. It drove me insane and we were sleeping in the room further away from them. The neighbours on the other side could hear them.

It ended up with the police being called every single time. And every time he would promise them he wouldn't do it again. He did.

Eventually his wife got pissed off with it as well and locked him out and he had to sleep in the shed. Funny as fuck.

Print out a load of clown faces and stick them in the windows.

Shamelessly place marking for these stories, and maybe an update from OP if she happens to bump into her FILY neighbours in the next few days.

FILTHY (not FILY)

think it would be Zoopla time for me

This

Get in touch with the council,I did and it worked !

Are they at least attractive?

Anyhow.

Yes, it's rather revolting. I'm not sure what you could do (that you haven't already done).

Just go up there and tell them politely (in a calm and firm manner) that you do not enjoy seeing their swinging bolloks and that you've informed the police?

Tell them that when woken your children look out of the windows to investigate the noise. Inform/warn the neighbours that whilst you don't object to them enjoying themselves quietly/discreetly they would be in trouble with the police or even face being placed on a sex offenders register for public indecency offences in front of children. I'm all for live and let live as such, but when behaviour has a negative impact on others, especially young and impressionable children then something needs to change. If that fails, leave food near their hot tub and hope foxes/dogs crap in it!

I like the idea of borrowing dogs who will bark excitedly. Especially if they manage to get next door and mistake swinging bollocks for a Kong toy.

'Hey, please do you mind keeping the noise down - some of us are trying to sleep' shouted through the window with a cheery wave has worked for me in the past! If it doesn't work, contact the local council who will give you advice on noise measurement. and how to stop the noise.

"Chlamydia soup " to describe the water in their hot tub is gross, but hilarious!

I like the idea of borrowing dogs who will bark excitedly. Especially if they manage to get next door and mistake swinging bollocks for a Kong toy
The thread that keeps on giving

Oh my, thank you so much for the swinging bollocks. Not a phrase I imagined id be uttering
Sorry not to be of any help but loving the thread!!!

Someone suggested some fish from the amazon that whoosh up the urethra. Momentarily I was puzzled if they were available on prime,then I realised not that amazon.

Polite approach first, can you not shag at 5am in the hot tube on a MONDAY night as it wakes the kids up. If that fails, film them and call police.

Stress you dont mind the odd crazy party, once a month is fine, once a week is bearable, but this is getting too much.

The owners of the house may well step up swiftly. I'm fairly sure they won't want police kicking in their front door in a drugs raid. Basically any kind of police investigation into their tenants is going to be an utter ballache for them.

Keep reporting stuff. Council for the noise, police for the indecency/drugs. Keep records.