Neighbours shagging in their hot tub at 5am this morning

[SmallVera]

And the bastards regularly have loud parties in that festering chlamydia soup with their mates until the early hours at least twice a week.

They're keeping me awake and waking up the DC and I'm fed up with it.

They are really brash and vulgar and alas I am an anxious type and not brave enough to confront them.

But what can I do?!

[TaliZorahVasNormandy]

"You on top there - bit to the left please!"

Exactly that. Every damn time.

[Miserylovescompany2]

Your DC could of come into your room and looked out the window though?

Watergun is a good idea, I'd be filling the fucker with food colouring though and squirting it into the cesspit. Maybe a delightful green?

[TileTileTile]

TBH if they get any bodily fluids in the hot tub it will make the water go off with a couple of days so I'm sure they won't be doing this again.

[GavelRavel]

Do you have a local Facebook site you could upload pictures to? (or get someone else to)

[caz323]

Oh God, OP...."in that festering chlamydia soup"

Now that's what I call descriptive!! Don't know whether to laugh or throw up.

Seriously though, how horrible for you. And yes, report them.

[KitKats28]

Don't for god's sake take photos. They will have you done for voyeurism!

[StealthPolarBear]

Op you have a brilliant way with words

[QuimReaper]

Sorry OP but to the chlamydia soup and swinging bollocks!

Tile water can "go off"?!

It's a tricky one, can you rope any other neighbours into complaining as well so you can't be identified?

[specialsubject]

If they are a nuisance, let the landlord know via the agent.

Landlord doesn't have to do anything - but even if they were dealing drugs and not paying it still takes months to evict. So the earlier the landlord knows, the better.

And yes, shagging in public is an offence.

[EssentialHummus]

Thing is though, if I go round there and explain politely and they then take no notice, they'll know it was me who contacted the authorities if that's the next step.

Can you word it initially as "A few of us neighbours were woken by..."

[specialsubject]

An, I see they are druggies.

[QuinoaKeen]

Blast some heavy duty gospel music out your window when they start up.

Harry Secombe would put anyone off it.

[Nydj]

Call the environment dept at your local council and explain the situation and see if they can help - you should be able to do this anonymously.

[LoupGarou]

I was coming on to suggest the same as Miserylovescompany2 with water gun full of food colouring, but I think smurf blue would be quite fetching.

This is one of the reasons I hate hot tubs! Bleurgh.

[MaryMorpho]

Ugh the water must be disgusting! Yes hot tub water can breed a whole load of germs. I once got a horrendous skin infection from one on holiday. (Not shagging in it either)

[Truckingalong]

I too wouldn't confront. No one reasonable thinks that loud outdoor shagging and blatant drug use is ok, so they're hardly likely to apologise and tone it all down. I'd send an anonymous note, saying please refrain from ........ and if they took no notice, I'd report to police.

[MusicToMyEars800]

Right down to the swinging bollocks. laughing hard at this lol
Shout out the window they doing wrong or request a different position. there are some good suggestions here, on a more serious note report them.

[TaliZorahVasNormandy]

Maybe the shagging pair will get a dose of cock/fanjo rot if they keep shagging in bodily fluid broth. Hope one of their mates took a piss in it.

[myoriginal3]

Is he hung well?

[SuperFlyHigh]

Toaster sounds good... or chilli powder.

But seriously police or rental people esp re the noise the drug taking I'm not lily white but in this case...

[CheersMedea]

Some amusing and inspirational thoughts here of ways to frame a nice neighbourly note:

www.viralthread.com/23-of-the-funniest-asking-neighbours-to-stop-having-sex-so-loud/

[KermitRuffinsTrumpet]

I'd contact the letting agent or landlord and report the drugs and shagging but I don't know how you'd find out who they are. Otherwise police for both? I'd do that rather than speak to them.

[shinynewusername]

What Trucking says - except I wouldn't bother with the note.

Asking them nicely will probably just incite them to ramp it up. I would inform the letting agent and the police.

[SmallVera]

No one reasonable thinks that loud outdoor shagging and blatant drug use is ok, so they're hardly likely to apologise and tone it all down

Exactly this, Trucking