Neighbours shagging in their hot tub at 5am this morning

[SmallVera]

And the bastards regularly have loud parties in that festering chlamydia soup with their mates until the early hours at least twice a week.

They're keeping me awake and waking up the DC and I'm fed up with it.

They are really brash and vulgar and alas I am an anxious type and not brave enough to confront them.

But what can I do?!

Totally different problem, but our neighbours kept an owl in a shed. No one could help, certainly not the rspca. The letting agent finally solved it. Definitely get the letting agent involved. They don't want hassle.

i'd be worried about confronting a couple of druggies too, I hope you have some luck!

Shout out the window they doing wrong or request a different position.

Normandy

You can buy fresh water Piranhas on eBay for only £6.99 plus postage. A lovebite from one of them might do the trick.

www.ebay.co.uk/itm/RED-BELLIED-PIRANHA-Serrasalmus-nattereri-Freshwater-/270789501349

piranhas

Beached he was doing her from behind in a jaunty fashion while she was sort of hanging over the edge. Hence bollock view.

I'd second the view that you shouldn't look if you're going to be bothered by what you see. I also always close my blinds when I'm doing lines of coke, so that my neighbours won't catch a glimpse of the masses of white powder whilst hanging out their windows

wait a minute - if they rent the house did the foetid sex pond come
with it? or have they obtained it themselves. i bet it's one of those inflatable birthing pools with a fake wood effect.

sprinkle their garden with printouts from rightmove. this is a war.

Chlamydia soup

Definitely let the lettings agent know. I'm sure 'jaunty sex in chlaymdia soup bowl at 5am' will not be something allowed on the tenancy agreement

ExConstance would you say 'don't like it don't look' if it had been one of my children who looked to see where all the porny sex noises were coming from?

Get a supersoaker and shoot him right in the bumhole next time.

shoot him right in the bumhole next time.

But make sure you get him on the rise - I understand that that is the sporting thing to do

The police form asked for a "description of the suspects" grin I managed to avoid all talk of swinging bollocks.

Now I think you should of been very descriptive, hairy bollocks, colour of bunhole and all. Might make them think exactly what you had to see

Police have emailed back already to say that they have raised an intelligence report and will investigate further.

'festering chlamydia soup........ ' Never has the poor word soup been so brutalised by words before it.

That description will stay with me all day OP and not in a good way.

This thread is incredible swinging bollocks and festering chlamydia soup. Wow.

They might be hoping you'll join in?

Jaunty fashion

I'm picturing a cocked hat and Terry-Thomas grin.

Basically I'm just picturing Terry-Thomas

Is it an inflatable one?

Because a BB gun would sort that in 2 seconds.

Wait until they go out, lean out of the window and BANG

We had a merry good time in a hot tub one lovely summers evening. There was no hanky panky just a serious amount of booze. The next morning in my hungover state I was out having a fag and happened to glance at the tub. To my horror I saw false nails floating in the murky stew and a scum of fake tan. Never again.

How are you with an air rifle or catapult?

Those swinging bollocks would be good for moving target practice.

this thread has at least certainly ruined my desire for hot tub ownership! Yuckety yuck!

Id have cheered them on :D

Beachedwh4le

I'd second the view that you shouldn't look if you're going to be bothered by what you see. I also always close my blinds when I'm doing lines of coke, so that my neighbours won't catch a glimpse of the masses of white powder whilst hanging out their windows grin

Oh that it sooooooooo funny.

Yuk at the people saying if you don't like it don't look. Er no. You don't have fucking sex in an overlooked garden - especially not with young children living next door! The dirty beggars. Glad the police are looking into it.