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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be disappointed with my engagment proposal?

288 replies

TinyMackBear4 · 05/03/2017 19:00

I feel so silly writing this. In May last year just after a mc, my other half proposed. But I'm so disappointed in how he done it.
He had been stewing all day to do it (seen the box in his back pocket, pretended not to notice) eventually at 11pm, he woke me up told me he loved me and proposed there. So technically not even down on one knee.
I just feel so underwhelmed by it, I don't even like wearing the ring cause it reminds me of how badly done it was Blush

OP posts:
paranoidmother · 06/03/2017 17:46

Dh nagged at me all day on 29th Feb, I eventually said ok do you want to marry me or not. (I'd hoped he would ask me) he said yes and that's how we'd got engaged. He said afterwards he was going to ask in bed the next morning if I hadn't.
I wanted the whole lot done properly as he'd asked his ex at the top of the Eiffel Tower. I was glad I'd asked him, even like that as if he'd asked in bed I'd have decked him as that's how my ex proposed.
DH and I have been together 15 years this December, I try to think of the fact we are still in love and together.
You'll have to get over it or perhaps he's. It the one?

Sarahrellyboo1987 · 06/03/2017 17:51

YABVU and ungrateful.
Do you really need a lavish proposal?
I'd hate to be with someone that feels so entitled

Gwilt160981 · 06/03/2017 17:52

Maybe he has bad knees... he was probably plucking up the courage to ask.

notangelinajolie · 06/03/2017 17:58

Married 26 years. No proposal, we just decided it would be a great idea to get married. We went out and bought the ring together.

So much more to marriage than a proposal.

Jaxhog · 06/03/2017 18:00

At least you got a proposal! I don't even remember how the idea of marriage came up. Mind you, it was nearly 40 years ago.

scorpio1981 · 06/03/2017 18:01

This reply has been deleted

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PuffTheMagicDragon1 · 06/03/2017 18:02

My DP proposed as he can out of the toilet Hmm

PuffTheMagicDragon1 · 06/03/2017 18:04

Came*

Craigie · 06/03/2017 18:05

If you care about an elaborate proposal, you're not ready to get married. Get a grip.

TileTileTile · 06/03/2017 18:06

Hi OP,

I was proposed to in a restaurant which was always my worst nightmare as I'm a very private person, I was cringing the whole time. It wasn't even a restaurant that meant anything, the location wasn't meaningful, we'd never been there before. I was disappointed if I'm honest, and as soon as he had done it my OH could tell I was disappointed, which I felt terrible about.

I think it is best to take the advice of lots of posters on here and focus on the positives - that he wants to marry you. I've done this and it really helps, the actual proposal is not that important as the fact he wanted to propose to you.

Also try to remember that he probably thought he was doing the right thing. I did ask my OH afterwards why he picked that location, and he said because it had a view that looked into somewhere we went for one of our first dates, and that he thought he was doing something romantic. Bless him, he tried, and I felt less disappointed once I knew this. Perhaps trying to find out his reasons for doing it how he did it will help you to feel better about it xx

trulybadlydeeply · 06/03/2017 18:07

OP, my husband proposed out of the blue while we were washing up after dinner. I had rubber gloves on, and he suddenly started to do down on one knee. I screamed out "No! Not now - at least let me get the rubber gloves off first!". He did it anyway. It was so unromantic and unplanned it was certainly memorable Grin

Please enjoy your new baby, and focus on planning a lovely wedding that you can look back on with joy. It sounds like this man loves you and wants to be with you.

ahhhhhwoof · 06/03/2017 18:08

My husband of 9 years proposed to me drunk on a night out when we were 18yr old students... we are very much in love and we have been together 15 years. it's a funny story to tell our DD one day! Just like the wedding day itself - it doesn't matter how it's done it's afterwards that counts!!

Marymoosmum14 · 06/03/2017 18:08

It was probably more he was getting so nervous that you would say no that he couldn't sleep, rather than he would have chickened out. YABU at least he had the ring and had been thinking about it.

FishInAWetSuitAndFlippers · 06/03/2017 18:10

I got irrational about all sorts of things a couple of weeks after giving birth op.

I remember making the biggest deal because my husband (now ex, but not because of this) bought the wrong brand of sausages and I was convinced this meant he didn't care about me or my feelings and he didn't know me at all. To me it was relationship defining and all consuming at that moment, now I realise it meant nothing at all.

Flowers congratulations on your newborn, try not to sweat the small stuff so much. You have so much to look forward to, looking back is a waste of energy.

Postchildrenpregranny · 06/03/2017 18:12

Haven't rft but I do wonder how old you are and am tempted to say 'grow up'

pollymere · 06/03/2017 18:12

I got my dh to 'do it properly' after a bed proposal. But it was a light hearted suggestion. We ended up having a picnic in Kew Gardens where he went down on one knee followed by dinner with champagne. I'd already accepted though!

2018MyYear · 06/03/2017 18:12

Sorry I agree. I was disappointed. I didn't need one knee but just a tiny weeny bit of romance. To have been asked or brought a ring. Maybe to be fair I should have brought him a watch & asked him. Hmmm! Now thinking about I asked him in a very unromantic wayHmm

Alaia5 · 06/03/2017 18:17

Why do these threads become a race to the bottom? (Hilarious though some of the stories are) Grin

The OP had a baby only a few days ago and maybe this has meant that feelings of her previous miscarriage are resurfacing in some way. She had suffered the miscarriage shortly before her DH proposed last year and maybe this clouded her experience if it.

Even if this is not the case, some people like to celebrate and mark occasions - birthdays, engagements whatever - and good for them. You do have to make an effort with the good bits of life sometimes, rather than drifting through as if it doesn't matter.

BenLinusatemyhomework · 06/03/2017 18:18

I don't remember DH proposing, I'm guessing we must have had a conversation about it but I'm at a loss as to how that went.

I do feel sorry for men over this kind of thing. Lots of people are not natural romantics and it must take a hell of a lot of nerve to pop the question. Movies and Disney have sold us the line that it has to be some big production, and it's great when people get creative about it, but that's not in everybody's ability (especially when they are bricking it).

If your DP is not the romantic/big gesture type then you are either going to have to make peace with that or not marry him. It's really not fair to ask somebody to be something they are not, however, you could talk to him about what makes you happy and see if he's able to take that into consideration when he's next planning something.

Oh and you could plan an engagement meal/trip (more likely the meal if you've just had a baby) and you could tell him all the reasons you said yes to his proposal and ask him to share all the reasons he proposed - could be lovely.

anEUoutcast · 06/03/2017 18:19

I have to agree with some PP on here that you're being immature.

My OH and I mutually decided to get married at the town hall because I'm an EU citizen and scared I'll get kicked out because of Brexit.

Do you think this is how I pictured my big day?? No. But that's life. And you're being ungrateful.

MamaHanji · 06/03/2017 18:25

Yabu

Cackleberry4 · 06/03/2017 18:29

I was sat on the loo describing to my BF what I had encountered at a local tailor.l

He proposed while I was sat on the bog!!! Get over yourself!!!!!!!!!!

fulloffunreally · 06/03/2017 18:43

What age are you OP.

Postchildrenpregranny · 06/03/2017 18:47

I do find it odd that a couple who presumably live together,possibly in a house they bought together and have/ are planning to have a child together have apparently never discussed whether to get married/be together 'forever' .And if they have ,surely they are , de facto ,'engaged'?
DH wanted us to get married after about three months and more or less gave me an ultimatum after 15 'marry me or we split'.
Reader I married him ,6 months later .We did go out and choose the ring together the following day (I would have hated to have been presented with a ring-I'm picky)and had a very Romantic lunch .
To be fair ,he had done a couple of romantic things earlier in our relationship
He has made me tea every morning for 34 years , we have looked after each other through thick and thin (and as in any long term relationship there has been a fair bit of ' thin') and raised two wonderful children together .
The lack of a romantic proposal would have paled into insignificance by now ,had I ever cared .

ILoveDolly · 06/03/2017 18:49

Maybe just maybe he was so nervous and it meant SO much to him that he basically had it all planned then fudged it out of fear of you refusing. I think that you need to get real and understand that what matters is how he feels not what a showboating egotist he is. In my opinion only attention seeking twats do those ott filmed planned engagements that everyone is so keen on nowadays. It's like a disease along with Pinterest parties and Instagram Yoga.
Just try to enjoy life with the man who loves you.