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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be disappointed with my engagment proposal?

288 replies

TinyMackBear4 · 05/03/2017 19:00

I feel so silly writing this. In May last year just after a mc, my other half proposed. But I'm so disappointed in how he done it.
He had been stewing all day to do it (seen the box in his back pocket, pretended not to notice) eventually at 11pm, he woke me up told me he loved me and proposed there. So technically not even down on one knee.
I just feel so underwhelmed by it, I don't even like wearing the ring cause it reminds me of how badly done it was Blush

OP posts:
bear28 · 05/03/2017 19:09

Id be happy with any way my partner proposed to me! he is showing that he wants to commit to you and its sad that you don't like wearing the ring because the proposal disappointed you. The ring is a promise of a future and commitment with you! If you are really disappointed with it tell him. If not id say drop your standards a little and be happy that the man you love wants to commit to you. Maybe he didn't want a big show and tell. Maybe he wanted it to be just you and him and he couldn't keep it to himself anymore so he just had to wake you up and ask you.

WhooooAmI24601 · 05/03/2017 19:09

YABU. Life isn't like Disney films where you get swung about wearing a fancy frock and flowers in your hair. I was ill with tonsillitis and looked revolting in my dressing gown binge-watching Ugly Betty when DH came in with medicine, lucozade, Mr Kipling lemon slices and a diamond ring. He proposed and it was the weirdest, loveliest thing anyone's ever done for me and it still makes me laugh years later because he's very much a weekend-in-Paris proposal-up-the-Eiffel-Tower type.

It's the meaning not the physical action that matters most when it comes down to it. Perhaps he was terrified and had spent the whole day over-thinking it and got himself in a state? Perhaps your recent mc made him realise how much you meant but he wasn't able to put it into words? If you're this resentful and upset do you really want to marry him? It's fine to change your mind and decide he's not the one. Engagements aren't legally binding.

Original poster
TinyMackBear4 · 05/03/2017 19:09

Yeah May last yearBlush I feel so silly and incredibly bad for him, but he even agrees he could have done it better. I have never voiced any of this to him
Never posted about this before no

OP posts:
Redglitter · 05/03/2017 19:09

Oh ffs really? Get a grip. You've had a baby together he wants to marry you and you can't bear to wear your ring because he didn't make a big production of it. I despair

Gallavich · 05/03/2017 19:09

Sorry but that's pathetic
He loves you and you want to marry each other. You have a baby together. Wear the ring and stop being such a sulker.

CoraPirbright · 05/03/2017 19:09

Well you know you are being U and I know I am too but I totally get it. I had a really ordinary proposal ("d'you wanna get married?) and I cant help but be sad about it. Friends quite often discuss their romantic proposals and the men go on about how they planned it etc and I just feel....... really sad. It also happens on films/telly a lot (yes, I know, I know - its done romantically for the effect/life isn't like a film blah blah blah) but I just wish a little more thought had gone into it. It's not like I expect it to happen more than once in a lifetime and I wish it was more special.

For the record, I know I am lucky to have met and married such a lovely man and that it is silly and petulant to feel this way. But I can't help it.

Thingywhatsit · 05/03/2017 19:09

OP - I totally get you. i don't know what else to write , but I know exactly how you feel.

HecateAntaia · 05/03/2017 19:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OldGuard · 05/03/2017 19:11

Try to remember :

Marriage is a verb - Is something you do every day

Every day you workto love each other and all that comes with it through all life's up and many downs

When people focus on the proposal or the wedding overly much, they tend to focus on the "things" and the "image" rather than the truth of committing yourself for life to think of and love another person often before themselves

So consider this - why is the proposal important to you ? What difference does it make in your life? Does the how change the fact that he wants to marry you? Because if the how is significant I'd suggest you look carefully at your relationship to make sure you truly satisfied and happy

TheWitTank · 05/03/2017 19:11

Sorry but you are being ridiculous (and I think you know you are really). He loves you. He wants to marry you. Would you rather have had a spectacular proposal from an arsehole or a understated one from a slightly nervous but lovely man. Get yeself a grip and enjoy your ring and your wedding! Flowers

Xoticdreamz · 05/03/2017 19:12

Hormones are a right bugger after childbirth. My engagement proposal was not particularly romantic , my wedding and starting our family was pretty great though .

It does sound like he was so nervous and that like a PP said is really sweet in my book

MrsPotter123 · 05/03/2017 19:13

I know plenty who had the big romantic popped the question story.....guess what almost all of them are divorced now. It's not real! What's real is the fact that he loves you so much he woke you up to ask you. I didn't get the romantic proposal but I am so happily married I would not swap that for a silly story which is usually for other people.

thebakerwithboobs · 05/03/2017 19:14

It's hard for me to empathise with you purely because the thought of a down on one knee type proposal makes me cringe to the point of physical pain! I was happy with a bag of chips and a trip to the shop to pick the ring. That fact notwithstanding have you considered that perhaps he didn't know whether to make a big gesture out of it given what you were going through? He wanted to let you know that he would be by your side at the worst times as well as the best for the rest of your life. He had lost his child too so presumably neither of you was on top of the world but he wanted to make you feel cherished and secure when you'd just had your world turned upside down. Put like that, his way was rather lovely.

melj1213 · 05/03/2017 19:14

YABVVVU and entitled

He didn't have to propose, he didn't have to make a big grand gesture and if all you care about is how he proposed rather than the fact there is a man who wants to commit to you for the rest of him life by marrying you then maybe you should have thrown him a lifeline and said no.

Xoticdreamz · 05/03/2017 19:14

Hecant that made me laugh , what a cheeky bugger x

thebakerwithboobs · 05/03/2017 19:15

also waiting for someone to point out marriage is a noun not a verb

LoveMyLittleSuperhero · 05/03/2017 19:17

My fiance proposed while we were skyping Hmm he was in a different county talking about our plan to move in together and said "how would you feel about getting married after we've moved". I'd made some positive noises and the next time we met he arrived with a ring because I'd said yes HmmGrin bless him.
YABU, people get nervous about this stuff, he asked and that's lovely of him. If he's the one you want to marry and you've said yes then move on and be pleased that he asked.

TrollTheRespawnJeremy · 05/03/2017 19:17

What did you want? A bloody hat and a balloon?

It obviously meant a lot to him. It's not ALL about you.

harleysmammy · 05/03/2017 19:17

I totally understand baby hormones, im 32 weeks pregnant and pathetic things like this annoy me too but surely if he loves you enough thats what matters? He was obviously nervous if it took him that long to ask. Think you should be a bit more appreciative. Yabu

BeaveredBadgered · 05/03/2017 19:17

I don't know- I think it's fair enough to be disgruntled. I would be. But I'd try to move on from it and not give it any more of your time or unhappiness.

Original poster
TinyMackBear4 · 05/03/2017 19:19

Okay okay I know I'm being u, I'm trying not to blame the hormones. I also feel like a second proposal would be fake so I'm not giving myself much choice but to get over it

OP posts:
joystir59 · 05/03/2017 19:19

My OH proposed with a text message. We are very happy five years later. We didn't get engaged- don't see the point.

Endmoor1405 · 05/03/2017 19:20

Good lord. YABU. Mine proposed to me whilst we were laid in bed in absolute bits having just had confirmation of the miscarriage we knew was coming. No ring, no down on one knee. I was absolutely delighted and couldn't be happier with my proposal. We chose my ring together and he asked me in the middle of our garden once I'd finished vomiting from the sickness but I'd had for the previous two days.

It's not about some fairy story proposal, it's about saying yes to the rest of your life with that person. Get a grip

mnbvcxzl · 05/03/2017 19:20

Gah. YABU. You sound like one of those annoying people that are engaged for bloody years.

tinydancer88 · 05/03/2017 19:22

That actually sounds like my dream proposal.

No fuss, no drama, no audience.