To be disappointed with my engagment proposal?

[TinyMackBear4]

I feel so silly writing this. In May last year just after a mc, my other half proposed. But I'm so disappointed in how he done it.
He had been stewing all day to do it (seen the box in his back pocket, pretended not to notice) eventually at 11pm, he woke me up told me he loved me and proposed there. So technically not even down on one knee.
I just feel so underwhelmed by it, I don't even like wearing the ring cause it reminds me of how badly done it was

Sounds like my proposal and I thought it was lovely! We'd been sat in bed talking about future plans etc and then it was lights off and I settled down. He switches the lamp back on and I started morning, saying how tired I was. Next thing I know, he's trying to kneel up on the bed, proposing to me! He said he felt it was the right time and just wanted to do it! Be grateful you got a proposal at all. Yes, the idea of grand gestures is great, but it's not unique and gets a bit clichéd imho.

He's a man, what do you expect? men are hopeless generally. Sorry but they are. At least you got a ring, neiter of my husbands even bothered to buy me an engagement ring. I got fuck all. makes me wonder why I bothered marrying them tbh.

CatherineBee - why are you with someone who doesn't want something so fundamental that you do?

Get a grip.

Maybe you don't actually want to marry him.

AnEUoutcast - maybe a bit of an overreaction no? I'm an EU citizen myself and it's sad that you felt you had to rush the big day...Brexit isn't going to 'happen' overnight and being married to a UK citizen isn't necessarily much protection here.. Fully agree that a fancy wedding isn't essential but you shouldnt have felt you had to rush it... Anyway... Sorry digressing here :)

Mermaid How could it be that neither of them even got you a ring? How did that come about?

I've been married for nearly 5 years, and I totally get how you feel OP. We got engaged in the May, but hardly told anyone (couldn't put on facebook or whatever as DH wanted to tell his brother first - yet never seemed to get him on the phone) and we ended up having a rush marriage in August, with seven guests as his parents felt we needed to do it before we could live together (they're religious, me and OH are not) and stupidly we went along with it. I get sad thinking about our wedding day, but I've got a lovely husband and two wild DS now and you just have to get on with it, I'm afraid. Hope this helps in some way xx

NewpuppyMum

We talked about marriage when we first together and even looked at rings. I am angry at him for letting me do that but it's been four years now and I'm pregnant. I love him, no one has ever made me laugh as much as he does, we're very happy and very much in love and I just think why would I throw things away for a ceremony. I know he loves me, and feel secure, marriage would be the ultimate cherry on the cake though x

Cheer up, you're getting married!

On your tenth anniversary tell him what you thought of his rubbish proposal but you married him anyway because you loved him so much.

You will laugh about it in years to come, trust me.

Jesus christ, some of the bitter little rotters on this thread

You're the type of people I hope get 4 parking tickets in a day and then lose a wheel 250miles from home.

What a horrid bunch of cranks.

OP wallow in all of the self pity that you want, for as long as you want, just remember though that at some point you will feel fine and none of it will matter you'll feel good about it all soon!

I never got a proposal. We were moving to the Middle East and everyone said "you've got to be married to live out there with your baby". Said we'd just got married in secret, thought we'd do it properly at some point, after 4yrs I got bored and admitted to being married. Took me 7rs to get my engagement ring (last October), he did suggest that he was just going to chuck the ring box at my head and say "now stop moaning" luckily for him, he didn't. I still don't have a wedding ring either. It sometimes annoys me that I've never had a big proposal or wedding but, more important things to spend money on these days, especially with kids!

men are hopeless generally

LTB

Marriage is a lot more than a fancy, cringey, staged proposal. I think the down on one knee in public absolutely excruciatingly naff. Far better he's bursting with love and so in awe of you it took him all day to pluck up the courage. Can you not see romance unless it's cliche?

My hubby proposed to me in our kitchen on a Sunday afternoon. Nothing big or romantic but just the fact he asked made it so special. I knew it was coming as we'd already bought a ring.

If you love him and want to marry him why should it matter how he asked, he asked and you've gone into have a baby.

Was it at least a lovely ring?

If this is something you've not really bothered much about before perhaps you are feeling a bit of the baby blues? It hit me then.

CatherineBee make sure you get legal protection since he won't marry you.

I think it's a shame that some men see marriage as a bigger tie than having a baby.

Maybe your sadness over the mc are all wrapped up in same feelings that you have over your proposal. Maybe he was hesitant because you were grieving as a family. Maybe your excitement built up all day because you'd already seen the ring and knew it was coming. A bit like peeking at a Christmas gift and realising you'd of been more delighted with the surprise. Although it's hard, maybe best just to let it go.

It's baby hormones. Rayofuckingsunshine is right...it is your life together with your child and the man you love that is important..not grand gestures.
Let me check....10 months ago he proposed and four weeks later you were pregnant. So no chance for grand gestures or big parties..just pregnancy and saving money for when baby came.
Why not wait til baby is older, and then talk about making your wedding special as " we got engaged and then we were pregnant and there wasnt time for us BOTH to make a proper celebration event then".

My now DH didn't give me a ring....he said it was more traditional to give me an apple! I didn't give a shit because I know he loves me regardless and shows me in other ways..

No one with a pulse actually wants those ultra-naff 'down on one knee in a balloon over the Eiffel Tower at sunset' cringefests, though, surely? The idea of staged proposals makes me cringe so hard I give myself whiplash.

I had the least romantic proposal ever. After dropping hints for years, I whinged one evening when we were both drunk about why wouldn't he marry me. He said 'alright then I will '. That was actually my proposal.

I made him do it properly a few weeks later after we'd chosen a ring!

I'm my partner phoned me from the solicitors and said
" hi hen I'm here doing my will .... did you know we can save X amount in inheritance tax if we were married?"
I said "that's romantic luv " ( we still aren't married lol )
I would rather the proposal you had bless him it sounds like he really loves you and was super nervous xxxx

I had something similar although I didn't realise he was going to propose beforehand. We were both hungover from a wedding the day before, we went out to dinner and were seated next to a rowdy party so he couldn't pluck up the courage to do it! When we got home I went to bed as it was Sunday night and I was tired. He came to bed later and rolled over with the ring and said 'how about it then?' I still cried and was happy etc. but a bit underwhelmed. Especially when he told everyone (and in his wedding speech too!) that he tied the ring onto one of the dogs' collars and sent her up to me in bed! He could easily have done this too! I was a bit annoyed at the lying! I think he lied because he was a bit embarrassed to admit to what actually happened! So I understand you're feelings, we've been happily married for 8 years so I forgave him in the end!

Justified- couldn't agree more. We already had a holiday to Paris booked and bought the ring 3 weeks before. I told my now hubby there was no way I wanted him to propose in Paris as it's so cheesy and predictable.