To be disappointed with my engagment proposal?

[TinyMackBear4]

I feel so silly writing this. In May last year just after a mc, my other half proposed. But I'm so disappointed in how he done it.
He had been stewing all day to do it (seen the box in his back pocket, pretended not to notice) eventually at 11pm, he woke me up told me he loved me and proposed there. So technically not even down on one knee.
I just feel so underwhelmed by it, I don't even like wearing the ring cause it reminds me of how badly done it was

Quite honestly, if my partner woke me up to propose to me, I'd cry with happiness. He's a deeply romantic man and typically would be the "down on one knee" type - but just having that intimate special moment, just him and me, and him proposing like that would be so lovely. But then I love him so much that he could propose to me with a haribo ring while sitting in an Aldi car park and I'd be over the moon... it's about what the proposal means, not how many bells and whistles there are when he does it.

My husband never actually asked me to marry him. He asked if I'd like to make our previously booked holiday our honeymoon. It's our 29th wedding anniversary this year

OP you are getting lots of stick for this. Plenty of people want a special proposal and share stories of how it happened. Personally I can understand you felt a bit disappointed about how it happened and no doubt lots of people asked about it. However I think you now need to put it behind you and focus on the positives. You have a new baby and will be getting married, so you will be making lots of new memories.

I feel for the poor chap. Get a grip OP.

for those posters saying that marriage is a noun not a verb THATS THE POINT -

the very old saying that my grandmother told me was to point out that it's something you do everyday not something you own or possess despite the grammatical assignments

I proposed to my DH over the phone because I really wanted to marry him, and it was only afterwards I realised I'd never get a fairytale proposal, or even a ring. I found it really upsetting the more I stewed on it, and I sulked a bit because even though it was me that proposed, I felt a bit cheated.

The thing is, if I could go back in time, it's the sulking I would change, not the proposal. I have an amazing marriage with the most brilliant person I've ever met, and it's embarrassing to think I was so focused on something that in the end simply wasn't important at all. Your partner wants to marry you, that's the most important thing, save yourself the emotional energy and cringey hindsight and stop feeling sorry for yourself!

Oh dear. I suspect you already know yabu and probably a little harsh on your husband. Some people want the big lavish proposal and some don't - you wanted the lavish ott proposal but got the latter. I get you are upset about it - but, it's happened, you cannot change it so it's time to move on. Congratulations on the baby!

I think people could quit with the biscuits. Op is a) 10 days post parting
B) had a miscarriage before that c) had already admitted she's being unreasonable.
Many many (most) women are probably a bit irrational or unreasonable just over a week after their first baby.

Ah don't worry OP, we've all had a romanticised notion of what something is supposed to be like. You do need to stop letting it ruin your actual engagement though.
My DH proposed to me when he came home from offshore after two weeks, he had 48 hours home before he had another trip bless him and he had stopped at the jewellers at the airport to get my ring.
He came home and we had a massive cuddle then went to the back door for our customary ciggie and looked at the stars while he hugged me from behind. He suddenly produced a ring and held it in front of me, my legs promptly gave way and when he caught me before I fell he set my hair on fire with his fag
He never actually got to ask the question as he was busy putting me out! I couldn't have been disappointed, it was very "us"
We have a wonderful marriage, and that's what I'll remember for my whole life. Along with the fact that even our proposal was a bloody laugh!

It's not amazing, but at least you got a ring. I've been married for four years and haven't got one yet.

I've always felt that men just don't read the script. You know the Hollywood romance script. I remember telling my husband I was pregnant, before the days of quick tests so you missed two periods and doctor examined you and said ya or nay. Waited for the swine to come home and broke the news in Hollywood fashion. His reply? Well we knew that didn't we.

Most men don't get it but he loves you so does it matter?

Wappers, that has to be the best proposal ever. Something to tell your grandchildren one day.

YANBU to feel disappointed

Granny it certainly worked for us our kids find it embarrassing when we tell the story though!

Whoops, posted too soon.

YANBU to be disappointed, you can't help it if you were expecting something more special. A lot of women fantasise about it being a special romantic moment especially when you see so much of it on movies, TV, social media, viral videos etc.

Also, in my experience, people do ask questions about proposals and it can feel a bit 'meh' when you have to explain that it was just a simple proposal and not a romantic event. I think people can be a bit naive and probably influenced by all these viral videos of big musical proposals, they half expect every engaged couple to have a big proposal story, clearly that doesn't reflect reality for most people!

The thing is you can accept that you feel disappointed, and also move on from that disappointment and refocus your thoughts on positive things.

Wappers, kids are sooooo judgemental. Ignore them, grandchildren are much more fun.

I had been seeing my DH for about 2 months. We were falling asleep one night when he spontaneously hugged me and said ' I want you to be my wife '. I said I liked that idea and that was that.

Over the years his lack of romance has disappointed me sometimes but we are 30 faithful, funny, stressy, eventful years on and I think our shared history is far more valuable than a one off staged event or flashy romantic gesture.....but then I would say that wouldn't I?

YABU, because however he did it, it still means exactly the same. I actually proposed to DP when we were both laying on the living room floor! I was going to plan something but that moment felt perfect to do it. Maybe he felt the same. I think the sooner as a society we stop feeding women the idea that a bloke will light a thousand candles and propose down on one knee whilst you shed a perfect, single tear, the more realistic our expectations will be.

What is it about his proposal that's really upset you? Do you feel he's really the right man for you?

If anyone interrupted my sleep like that I'd punch their lights out.

When did proposals become big, planned things?

www.bbc.com/capital/story/20170210-inside-the-competitive-world-of-luxury-marriage-proposals

Why do you mention the miscarriage in the same sentence. Its seems like you are correlating the two events.

Are they correlated? He may have hated seeing you down so much he realised how much he loved you and wanted to make you happy. Or he may have been planning the proposal anyway. Either way he wants to spend the rest of his life with you.

Maybe you are were too sad for the miscarriage to celebrate the engagement?

Either way in your head you need to separate them. Mourn for your miscarriage properly and see someone if you need to - but also celebrate you upcoming marriage. They are very different things.
He will not be able to read your mind, So i recommend you work through it as he might be thinking you are having doubts about the marriage

I really feel for the poor man

OP gets some slack for being 10 days post birth.